shadaras replied to your post “I’m at a
Apr. 19th, 2017 12:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2oL3yK9:shadaras replied to your post “I’m at a weird cross-point in writing at the moment where I’m super…”
…I am down for an extended scene of Shara talking about politics to people. That sounds delightful.
I don’t know that I’d call it delightful. The pacing’s terrible, I really think, and I guess it’s not really politics so much as survival that Shara’s discussing. Also I think if I’m going to base this whole thing on prequel comics I haven’t really read, I should at least try to adhere to them, and in them, Shara and Leia don’t seem to really know one another, and I’ve kind of… blown that up, because it made a more interesting story, but I might have to rejigger this so that at least Leia and Shara haven’t had so many conversations. So I think I need to edit it, and give Leia’s lines to her adoptive sister Winter, and Winter’s lines to one of their aunts, and take Leia out of the direct path of the story quite as much as she’s in it, just for plausible deniability later.
But here is a snippet as it stands, and we’ll see– that kind of editing always demoralizes me a little, but if I’m so motivated on this story, I’ll do it. This is following a passage in which Shara is musing on whether she really knows Kes, or not; their relationship being sort of new when all this went down was kind of an important starting point for me, because I loved how solid they are by the time of the comics, and I want that to have happened despite the war, not before it; they’re just both people who know their minds, and connect, but in a realistic way. Anyway…
Shara breathed slowly out, and then in, and made herself take a drink from the cup of tea. It tasted of herbs, like the way grass smelled, and it burst faintly sweet across the front of her tongue, and bitterer toward the back. She was sure this was the kind of thing that aficionados and gourmets would be very excited about. She couldn’t possibly appreciate it like this, so she let it slide down her throat and nodded, slightly.
Leia had said that Aach would be giving Kes the “hard sell” about joining the Rebellion. Had said–
“Kes is going to think he has to do the same,” she said, realizing it all at once. “He’s going to absolutely believe that he now has to martyr himself to the cause, and will never be able to reunite with us.”
Winter looked slightly surprised, eyebrows going up. “Why would he–” she said.
“I know him,” Shara said, because she did. “He’s a self-sacrificing stupid son of a bitch. I won’t have him do this. I won’t have him decide what’s best for me and for my family just because his–” She managed to stop herself before she said anything terrible about Lita.
“Of course,” Winter said, placatory. “Oh, Ms. Bey, your family’s been put in a terrible position. Of course it’s up to you to decide what to do next, but we don’t know yet– Kes has choices, too, we don’t know what he’ll decide. He has to recover, and so do you.”
Ms., Shara thought, because of course, they’d intended to file the marriage certificate here, when they arrived– they couldn’t do that without Kes’s signature, and it would be stupid to do it now, to attract the attention of the Imperials, that this prisoner they’d just released– but it meant she wasn’t his wife, meant that when she finally came up with a name and filed a birth registration for the baby he wouldn’t be recorded has having been the product of a legal marriage. Wouldn’t necessarily have his own father’s name on his birth registration.
Probably shouldn’t.
She should ask if Kes’s father’s name was on his birth registration. Surely he’d been registered.
Her own registration had been filed three years late and without a mother’s name. Shara wasn’t actually sure what her mother’s name had been. Oh, it wasn’t that Sento hadn’t told her, it just had literally never been important. She had other priorities, sweetie, Sento had said, and that’s no judgement on you at all, so don’t you worry about it. Apart from a few hormone-fueled bouts of teenage angst, Shara never really had.
“How badly do you think they hurt him?” she asked, recollecting herself– she’d drifted, a little, time had perhaps passed. Winter’s cup of tea was nearly empty and she was watching Shara with evident concern.
…I am down for an extended scene of Shara talking about politics to people. That sounds delightful.
I don’t know that I’d call it delightful. The pacing’s terrible, I really think, and I guess it’s not really politics so much as survival that Shara’s discussing. Also I think if I’m going to base this whole thing on prequel comics I haven’t really read, I should at least try to adhere to them, and in them, Shara and Leia don’t seem to really know one another, and I’ve kind of… blown that up, because it made a more interesting story, but I might have to rejigger this so that at least Leia and Shara haven’t had so many conversations. So I think I need to edit it, and give Leia’s lines to her adoptive sister Winter, and Winter’s lines to one of their aunts, and take Leia out of the direct path of the story quite as much as she’s in it, just for plausible deniability later.
But here is a snippet as it stands, and we’ll see– that kind of editing always demoralizes me a little, but if I’m so motivated on this story, I’ll do it. This is following a passage in which Shara is musing on whether she really knows Kes, or not; their relationship being sort of new when all this went down was kind of an important starting point for me, because I loved how solid they are by the time of the comics, and I want that to have happened despite the war, not before it; they’re just both people who know their minds, and connect, but in a realistic way. Anyway…
Shara breathed slowly out, and then in, and made herself take a drink from the cup of tea. It tasted of herbs, like the way grass smelled, and it burst faintly sweet across the front of her tongue, and bitterer toward the back. She was sure this was the kind of thing that aficionados and gourmets would be very excited about. She couldn’t possibly appreciate it like this, so she let it slide down her throat and nodded, slightly.
Leia had said that Aach would be giving Kes the “hard sell” about joining the Rebellion. Had said–
“Kes is going to think he has to do the same,” she said, realizing it all at once. “He’s going to absolutely believe that he now has to martyr himself to the cause, and will never be able to reunite with us.”
Winter looked slightly surprised, eyebrows going up. “Why would he–” she said.
“I know him,” Shara said, because she did. “He’s a self-sacrificing stupid son of a bitch. I won’t have him do this. I won’t have him decide what’s best for me and for my family just because his–” She managed to stop herself before she said anything terrible about Lita.
“Of course,” Winter said, placatory. “Oh, Ms. Bey, your family’s been put in a terrible position. Of course it’s up to you to decide what to do next, but we don’t know yet– Kes has choices, too, we don’t know what he’ll decide. He has to recover, and so do you.”
Ms., Shara thought, because of course, they’d intended to file the marriage certificate here, when they arrived– they couldn’t do that without Kes’s signature, and it would be stupid to do it now, to attract the attention of the Imperials, that this prisoner they’d just released– but it meant she wasn’t his wife, meant that when she finally came up with a name and filed a birth registration for the baby he wouldn’t be recorded has having been the product of a legal marriage. Wouldn’t necessarily have his own father’s name on his birth registration.
Probably shouldn’t.
She should ask if Kes’s father’s name was on his birth registration. Surely he’d been registered.
Her own registration had been filed three years late and without a mother’s name. Shara wasn’t actually sure what her mother’s name had been. Oh, it wasn’t that Sento hadn’t told her, it just had literally never been important. She had other priorities, sweetie, Sento had said, and that’s no judgement on you at all, so don’t you worry about it. Apart from a few hormone-fueled bouts of teenage angst, Shara never really had.
“How badly do you think they hurt him?” she asked, recollecting herself– she’d drifted, a little, time had perhaps passed. Winter’s cup of tea was nearly empty and she was watching Shara with evident concern.
