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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2pJ3193:
i am so bad at being sick. See, i feel like I’m playing hooky and faking it, no matter how bad it is. And then I feel like simultaneously I have to #1 not enjoy myself so as not to reward my own bad behavior for faking illness for attention/time off, and #2 I have to get as much done as possible and be productive to “earn” the time off, and also #3 if I am capable of doing too much, I’m clearly going to prove that I was faking, and there’s some authority or person who will notice and Disapprove.
#3 is the diciest, because there probably is; I have many people in my life over the years who Disapprove of how Lazy I am, and I know that’s not just in my head.
So I made myself get up and get dressed before Dude left for work, to prove #2 I think, but worried I’d seem too #3ish for him, but staying in bed would violate #1. I put a load of laundry in so I could #2, and am thinking I really ought to go grocery shopping because otherwise when will we. But #3 is kind of rearing its ugly head in that getting up off this couch feels actually impossible.
My battery is going to die though so I’d better. Still, though. I suck at this, and at many things in life, in unexpected ways.
Reminds me of the time I sprained both ankles and had to go to the ER and couldn’t put weight on the one ankle for a solid week, and was still about half-convinced that I was just faking it and kept trying to sneakily get stuff done while no one was watching. The result is that I would just lie on the floor because my ankle literally could not hold weight, it wasn’t that a doctor had told me not to try it, it was that I actually could not use it for walking, no one had to tell me anything, I couldn’t actually stand up. But I was so sure that I could just– sneak up when it wasn’t looking, or something, I don’t know.
I wasn’t even really on painkillers. That’s really just how my brain works.
So I can’t even drink coffee without stomach cramps, and I’m convinced I’m going to feel worthless if I don’t get a bunch of work done today, so, welcome to my fucking premature dementia or whatever my fucking deal is.
i am so bad at being sick. See, i feel like I’m playing hooky and faking it, no matter how bad it is. And then I feel like simultaneously I have to #1 not enjoy myself so as not to reward my own bad behavior for faking illness for attention/time off, and #2 I have to get as much done as possible and be productive to “earn” the time off, and also #3 if I am capable of doing too much, I’m clearly going to prove that I was faking, and there’s some authority or person who will notice and Disapprove.
#3 is the diciest, because there probably is; I have many people in my life over the years who Disapprove of how Lazy I am, and I know that’s not just in my head.
So I made myself get up and get dressed before Dude left for work, to prove #2 I think, but worried I’d seem too #3ish for him, but staying in bed would violate #1. I put a load of laundry in so I could #2, and am thinking I really ought to go grocery shopping because otherwise when will we. But #3 is kind of rearing its ugly head in that getting up off this couch feels actually impossible.
My battery is going to die though so I’d better. Still, though. I suck at this, and at many things in life, in unexpected ways.
Reminds me of the time I sprained both ankles and had to go to the ER and couldn’t put weight on the one ankle for a solid week, and was still about half-convinced that I was just faking it and kept trying to sneakily get stuff done while no one was watching. The result is that I would just lie on the floor because my ankle literally could not hold weight, it wasn’t that a doctor had told me not to try it, it was that I actually could not use it for walking, no one had to tell me anything, I couldn’t actually stand up. But I was so sure that I could just– sneak up when it wasn’t looking, or something, I don’t know.
I wasn’t even really on painkillers. That’s really just how my brain works.
So I can’t even drink coffee without stomach cramps, and I’m convinced I’m going to feel worthless if I don’t get a bunch of work done today, so, welcome to my fucking premature dementia or whatever my fucking deal is.
