kyraneko: penny-anna: linguisticparadox: penny-anna: penny-anna: Other arguments I imagine the...

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kyraneko:

penny-anna:

linguisticparadox:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

Other arguments I imagine the Fellowship having:

1) Pippin professes atheism, argues so persuasively he somehow manages to get GANDALF to second guess himself for a split second

2) “what if we put the Ring in a catapult & launched it into Mount Doom from a distance”: dismissed as a serious plan very quickly due to high margin for error but the argument simmers for several days as Gandalf refuses to concede that it would work in theory. (Pippin also started this one.)

3) Who Started It: Legolas or Gimli edition

4) Who Started It: Merry or Pippin edition

5) Who ate the last *insert food item here* I know it was one of your four FESS UP (one time it was actually Gandalf, he never fessed up)

6) Legolas is mad at Gimli but whenever anyone asks why he just says ‘the dwarf knows what he did’ (Gimli hasn’t a clue)

7) who made Sam cry??

8) Relative attractiveness of beards

       i dont want ‘who made sam cry to be a common argument’        but to be fair he cries a lot        so the others might not even have done anything deliberately

Somebody made Sam cry one (1) time early on & after that every time he cries the entire company starts slinging accusations like there’s no tomorrow

Further thoughts:

1) although Pippin started the catapult argument the ppl who keep it going are Frodo and Boromir (both of whom were momentarily 100% down with it until they realised what a horrible idea it would be in practice, ie miss & the Ring is just lying about in Mordor for any orc to grab)

2) the beard argument:

pro-beards: gandalf, aragorn, boromir, gimli, pippin

anti-beards: legolas, merry, frodo, sam

  it’s all fun and games till one of the hobbits calls beards ‘unsightly’ and Gimi shoots back ‘that’s a bit rich coming from someone with that much fOOT HAIR’ and after that it is fucking ON and once the dust settles certain people don’t speak to certain other people for like 3 days

Sam: *bursts into tears because idk he just does that sometimes*

Frodo: For fuck’s sake Sam just yesterday you were crying about snakes.

Sam, bawling: They don’t have any arms Mr. Frodo!

Pippin: isn’t a dragon a snake with arms

Sam: *thinks about that for a moment*

Sam: *bursts into tears all over again*

Frodo: sam please

If you think about it the Fellowship is basically just a road trip without the car.

… Having said that, I need a LOTR Road Trip AU where it’s the nine of them packed into a 1971 Ford Bronco, trying to get to Washington DC with the One Ring which is proof that President Sauron is guilty of High Crimes and Misdemeanors, while being chased by this biker gang in Sauron’s employ, hunted by corrupt Sheriff Saruman (Gandalf’s old high school classmate), and at some point in time losing the Ring to the monkey in a diaper that they found wandering around a shopping mall in Cleveland, Ohio and Frodo insisted on adopting.

Listen the first fanfic I ever read on the Internet was LotR fanfic based in part on this premise. Oh my god I don’t know if I could find it again. There was an ongoing series about how they were nightmare roommates in a modern setting, and then there was definitely a Road Trip segment, and

oh my god

oh my god it’s on AO3 of course it is. 

I read them in 2004, while there were still being updates. Oh my god some things that should not have been forgotten were lost, and history became legend, and legend passed into myth, and for fuckin real of course it’s on AO3.

(Now we find out if I remembered wrong and there isn’t really a road trip section.)
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K stories: Knees

He calls just as I’m getting ready for practice. He is in a terrible mood, just devastated by a recent fight with a friend, and I’m doing my best to be distracting. So I’m complaining about my knees.

“I bruised the hell out of the good one,” I moan, “and the scar tissue in the tendon on the other one is just aching like crazy.”

“Mine’s bad too, lately,” he says. “Just the bad one, though.”

“You have a bad knee?” In my (derby-heavy) social group I’m used to always knowing who has chronic injuries where, out of courtesy and habit. So I’m shocked not to already know.

“The right one,” he says. “It dislocates. Ever since the thing with the helicopter. Did— Wait, have you not heard this story? With the dead Rangers?”

“What? No!” I would remember that, my dad was almost a Ranger.

He laughs. “I guess I gotta save at least one story for when we’re old and gray.”

I snort. I’d been less-than-gently needling him that his current woes were his mid-life crisis. “Shut up,” he says, but he’s laughing.

“When was this?” I ask, more politely.

“About 1995?” he says. I decide not to mention that I was in high school then. “It was one of those war games exercises. And the thing we had to do, for my team anyway, was that we had to jump out of a helicopter into this river. And the fucking pilot didn’t slow down like he was supposed to. My team chief was so mad it’s lucky he didn’t shoot the guy. I wasn’t the only one who got hurt.”

“What, just jump out? No parachute?”

“Pah, of course,“ he says. “We just jumped out with about 100 pounds of gear on. He was supposed to slow down, see? I hit that water so hard— and now I know, it is possible to scream underwater. I would’ve drowned if my friend hadn’t hauled me up— big Samoan guy, he saved me a couple times.”

I remember Big Samoan Guy from the story about the scars on K’s shoulder, the scars his tattoos cover, the one he won’t let me tell yet. Saved his life then too. “Yeah,” I say, wishing I remembered the man’s name but not wanting to interrupt.

“It was kinda fucked-up,” he says. “The corpsman we had, he wasn’t very good. Guys would come to me instead. So they hauled me out and half-carried me back to the beachhead, and this useless fucker has no idea what to do with a dislocated knee. He won’t give me anything but ibuprofen. And I’m lying in this, basically a foxhole, and you know how I am, I’m pretty fuckin’ grouchy. And they say they can’t medevac me to a real doctor for another two days. And I’m just watching this thing swell up and it hurts bad and I’m so mad at the stupid chopper pilot.”

“I don’t blame you,” I comment.

“But then they say oh, there’s an Army helicopter coming in. They’ll drop their guys and come by for you.”

“Oh,” I say, “there you go.”

“Yeah,” he says dryly. “So this Blackhawk helicopter comes in. I don’t know Blackhawks. It comes in over the beach, then suddenly the pitch of the engine changes. Like I said, I don’t know Blackhawks. But this thing suddenly went careening past the next line of trees, disappeared behind it, and then there was just this huge fireball.”

“Fuck!” It’s an awful image. “Did anyone get out?”

“Of course not,” he answers. “Killed the whole crew, plus the entire team of Army Rangers waiting to jump out.”

“Fuck,” I say again.

“Yeah,” he says. “So like, after that nobody cared about my knee. I couldn’t blame them. But I lay in that hole for three days with my knee dislocated.”

“Shitty,” I say.

“Shittier for those Rangers,” he says. We’re both silent, thinking on that. Finally he says, “It’s not a very good story. I think that’s why I never told it to you before.”

“Not a good story?!”

“No,” he says. “All I do is lie in a hole and feel sorry for myself.”

the guy in our warehouse at the corporate location is so fucking stupid

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the guy in our warehouse at the corporate location is so fucking stupid
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smokeandwhiskey: I don’t draw much at the moment

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smokeandwhiskey:

I don’t draw much at the moment but Raksuran Queens are always fun to sketch
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