Dec. 4th, 2015

dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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bibliophilicwitch:

thepeppermintmochacoyote:

tarotismyreligion:

benegesserit:

serizawascale:

neko atsume tarot!

this 22 card deck consists of the major arcana featuring drawings of the cats from neko atsume! the whole deck is available to look at and download here! 

WHAT? WHAT. GUESS WHAT I’M DOING TOMORROW.

AHHHHHHHHHHH

@bibliophilicwitch LOOK AT THIS LOOOOOOK

OH MY GODS

uh @1ofyourmeteors this is definitely for you
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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salvage from a dusty forgotten corner of the Mega Scrivener Doc O’ Fic. I wrote this a really long time ago. I think it was my first insight into what I wanted the Barnes family to be. Gabe Jones’s POV, at the point their captivity before the rescue by Steve when they started to realize that there wasn’t anybody coming for them.

The rustle of fabric, someone moving, alerted Gabe that someone was coming, and he wiped his eyes and turned his face so his state would be less obvious.

The warm bulk of a body settled next to him with a quiet sigh, and he recognized Sarge more by his breathing than anything else. They knew one another very well physically, by now; Gabe rather thought he could probably distinguish his cellmates by scent at this point. Not that he’d want to.

“Hey Jonesy,” Sarge breathed, leaning into his shoulder. “Want me to leave you alone or do you want me to tell you a story?”

Gabe laughed weakly. “You’re the oldest kid in your family, aren’t you,” he said.

Sarge huffed a breath, clearly a laugh. “How’d you know that?”

“Takes one to know one,” Gabe said. “How many little sibs you got?”

“Three,” Sarge said, “all girls,” and then there was a pause and his body language hitched a little, and he corrected, softer, “Two.”

Gabe sucked in his breath, and let it out slowly. “Sorry,” he said; it was pretty clear what that meant.

“Naw, naw,” Sarge said, “I mean— Kitty had pneumonia in, like, ’31, it’s been a long time, it’s just— I forget sometimes. She was like ten.” He shook his head. “I got a brother out of it instead, though, the nurse’s son had pneumonia the same time and he made it when Kitty didn’t, so I just kept him instead.” He glanced over at Gabe, teeth shining in the dark, a silent rueful laugh. “Like a sheepdog, hadda have the right number to herd.”

“Four’s a pile of kids,” Gabe said. “I only got one each, a brother and a sister.”

“Had so many cousins,” Sarge said, “we was more of a tribe than anything. People thought we was a gang. The Murphy boys, the terror a’ Brooklyn.” He laughed silently again, like a fox.

“Your name’s Barnes, though,” Gabe observed, puzzled.

“Mom’s brothers,” Sarge answered. “She was a Murphy.”

“Ah,” Gabe said.

“Your brother in the service too?” Sarge asked.

“Nah,” Gabe said, “still too young. Your sisters married yet?”

“Not last I heard,” Sarge answered.

“What about your brother?” Gabe asked.

Sarge laughed the same silent laugh again, which pressed his shoulder against Gabe’s harder for a moment. “Steve,” he said. “My best pal. Nah. He’s, the Army wouldn’t take him. He’s real sickly, got a heart defect, that kinda thing.” He glanced over at Gabe, expression unreadable in the dark. “I mean, bravest guy in the world, fights like a lion, y’know? But just, his body just can’t keep up with him. And I’m… it’s not that I’m glad, I just, I wouldn’t want him to be here, y’know?”

“Well,” Gabe said, “not like this.”

“Exactly,” Sarge said. They sat quietly a moment before Sarge continued, “Still and all, I hope I see him again before I see Kitty again, if you catch my meaning.”

“That I do,” Gabe said, “that I do.”
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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hOw can ppl PHONE??? so much prESsure all on Verbal Communication and in the moment and like, it rings, demands RIGHT THen like u can’t not or u miss and are rude and oh god u catch someone at a bad time and you are forever the worst person!!?!?! eternal mortification!!!
and u say sthg dumb u can’t edit!!! U can’t think it over and go back n erase line of dialogue n take it a different direction NO! Once another person has experienced the reality too it is indelible! Permanent! No chance to fix & make it say correct thing!
Oh god.
Too much pressure.
Cannot cannot CANNOT phone what do I do.
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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I feel like these air filters don’t get cleaned real often. It’s Monthly Check Day! (at Delaware Camera)
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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.… oh no
Remember how there was a new fic on the stucky scene that was basically a pithier, better-written, infinitely more succinct version of like everything I’ve been writing for the last year and a half? And I was sort of jealous of it and couldn’t make myself rec it?
(Bucky’s a Tupac fan in it, and I made him a Biggie fan, but there was a bunch of other stuff that we really resonated on.)

And the other day I got all excited about figuring out where I’m going with my current WIP and posted a snippet that had Daredevil in it? Spoiler, because I was gonna use him for the POV char I needed for bridge scenes with Natasha not present, since the whole conceit of FOG is Not Bucky’s POV.

Guess which fic just updated and Daredevil and Bucky meet up in this latest chapter? And it’s Matt’s POV of course.

Whoever this person is they are somehow on my exact wavelength and BETTER AT IT.

I can console myself I guess that they’re way more popular than me so no one will care? At least they’ll never read my shit and get mad that I stole their shit. I just.
At first I was kind of pleased that this person’s headcanons were so much like mine but now I’m just sad.

I mean, they’re better at it than I am. And the point of writing for me is that I can then read the story. So if they’re just writing the story I would have, then what’s the point?
I mean, mine has more Natasha. It’s not totally the same story. But Jesus. Every good idea. And this is a total fandom newcomer with no Tumblr. We’d never intersect. We’re clearly coming from totally different places.

I’m aware I’m overreacting. I’m just having a hard day and that just socked me right in the gut. Of all things. Maybe it’s become a common buddy pairing and I just hadn’t noticed. But the whole wavelength, the whole zeitgeist.
Man I don’t know, I’m a horrorshow today.
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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we’re playing It’s Not That Bad at work now. I said, mournfully, free of context, to the guy at the desk next to mine, that I was a hack and terrible at everything. 

He said, well, look at it this way, you’re white in America, and I said you know, that’s a good one. We then went down the list of our blessings, both being white Americans. 

 no polio

prob won’t die of consumption

near-unlimited access to clean water

likely to die in gun violence but prob. will be a white dude

highly unlikely to die from bombs from the sky

no mrsa oh wait no you had mrsa didn’t you

fuck you bill yes i had mrsa and i’m allergic to the antibiotics that do kill it so if it starts eating me again i’m hosed

yeah ok sorry about that, that wasn’t a good consolation

no now i’m all sad again
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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This sticker was on a clementine. I love it, but I’m peeling it off before it gets grody. It is especially cool because my dude gave it to me, but even that is not enough to induce me to leave a sticker on my laptop. I’ll immortalize it on the internet instead.

Fic Rec

Dec. 4th, 2015 10:09 pm
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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No no I’m going to make this a fic rec because apparently people don’t know about this fic I’ve been vagueing about like a loser!

Spitandvinegar’s Ain’t No Grave (Can Keep My Body Down)

It is amazing, it is one of those fics that knocks you back. It is one of those fics that guts you. It is also one of those fics with indelible, witty images that stick with you and inform your worldview, beyond just your headcanons! It is one of those fics that is hilarious. It is so good. It is out of nowhere. It is some random new author who hasn’t been around the fandom blogs, who doesn’t have the same internalized same-old fanon stuff we’ve all absorbed without noticing. I can’t wait for this person to write more shit, because this is so good, and it is everything I have wanted in a new Stucky fic.

It’s just, it particularly guts me because this fic has so many little things that are exactly like things I’ve wanted to say, and says them better. So I am bitterly jealous of this fic. And that is down entirely to my own impostor syndrome issues and the usual shit people bring to the table when they read something. 

If you’ve enjoyed my fics, you should read this, because it says a lot of things I wanted to, and then addresses many things it never occurred to me to mention, and is wonderful, and all the things I said above. 

I’m just sort of bitter because I want to reread it to the point of memorization, and I can’t, I really shouldn’t read it at all, because there are enough similarities that I’m going to inadvertently copy something super hard, because whoever this is, we’re definitely on some weird cosmic wavelength. 

Which I’m sure to an objective reader is nothing like anything I’ve written so it’s all in my head– I just– that’s what I was upset about, I think– it’s like what I wanted to write, and didn’t. And it’s so good. Which, I mean, jerkbrain: what does that mean my shit is? 

Oh. So like. Yeah.

But for the record when the next bit of mine has a lot of Matt in it I had that idea before this last chapter went live so there waaahhh! Jerkbrain is trying to tell me I copied spitandvinegar, when I know for damn well I didn’t, so I’m just putting it out there. No. It’s just one of those weird coincidences. And probably nobody else will ever think it’s weird. 

And damn it, it’s better than the scene I wrote shhh

shhhh

shhh this person being good does not make you bad it is okay

oh my GOD.  i am a goddamn mess of a person sometimes. and i would love to avoid my troubles by rereading this fic compulsively except that it is only going to make it worse. perhaps later i can do that. perhaps. 

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