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Jul. 23rd, 2011 07:55 pmMy cousin doesn't live in Oslo anymore. I spoke to my Mom last week and he's up in the Finnmark, and the other two are still living in Bergen. I think. I think.
I'm trying not to think about it too hard right now.
I'm not reading anything about what happened in Norway because I can't think about it. Selfish, maybe. I'm not going to send any frantic messages or anything, because I know none of my family was in Oslo, or anywhere near it.
I hope.
Yesterday I bit the inside of my mouth so hard that there's a bruise visible on the outside of my cheek. I've never heard of that ever happening before. I tried to get a picture but it just looks like a shadow. It's a deep blue bruise. It's noticeable when I talk to people, because several people have innocently told me I had some dirt on my face. No, it's a bruise.
It hurts a lot, but more than the pain, it just feels wrong. Ugh. I bit right through the lining of my mouth, I think. I didn't know that would happen.
I worked today, which was an excruciating mix of boredness and stress. I don't know why. I just think I really need a break. It didn't help that it was 82 indoors. I'm really, really glad for the air conditioning at Z's mom's house. I am trying to be gentle with myself. I don't know why i need so much tenderness at the moment. I've been annoyingly delicate all year. Like really literally all of 2011. Maybe even beyond that. It's annoying.
I am taking some meds, the tiniest baby dose of Citalopram. The doctor doubled it last month, so it's like a twin-baby dose now. I had no response to the first batch of it-- any easing in my depression I figured was more likely to be due to a relief of stress after the end of the derby season and a much greater exposure to sunshine. And there was some easing, sure, but not really much. The only thing I've noticed now on the higher dose is that I definitely am having some of those sexual side effects they talk about. Boo, that's not pleasant. Minor so far, and sorry if that's TMI, but I feel like I should mention them, since this is after all a journal.
I did have a lovely day yesterday, though. Liesl visited, and we spent the day crafting. First we dyed a number of things different shades of blue, which was fun. I managed not to dye my fingernails until the very end, so they're just the palest shade of blue underneath right now. It doesn't look too bad. Then we drank beer and I drew an incredibly involved stencil of the Kingdom of Aethelmearc's escarbuncle logo, which Liesl cut out with impressive Exacto dexterity. (It looks like this.) Also got a lot of sewing done. Gotta see how much I can get done before Pennsic... I'm hopeful that I'll be well-prepared. I'm guessing it's going to be a hot one.
Ugh I think I might go ice my face to see if that helps this! Bummer, I didn't intend this post to be quite so whiny. Oh well, I gotta do what I do, I guess.
I'm trying not to think about it too hard right now.
I'm not reading anything about what happened in Norway because I can't think about it. Selfish, maybe. I'm not going to send any frantic messages or anything, because I know none of my family was in Oslo, or anywhere near it.
I hope.
Yesterday I bit the inside of my mouth so hard that there's a bruise visible on the outside of my cheek. I've never heard of that ever happening before. I tried to get a picture but it just looks like a shadow. It's a deep blue bruise. It's noticeable when I talk to people, because several people have innocently told me I had some dirt on my face. No, it's a bruise.
It hurts a lot, but more than the pain, it just feels wrong. Ugh. I bit right through the lining of my mouth, I think. I didn't know that would happen.
I worked today, which was an excruciating mix of boredness and stress. I don't know why. I just think I really need a break. It didn't help that it was 82 indoors. I'm really, really glad for the air conditioning at Z's mom's house. I am trying to be gentle with myself. I don't know why i need so much tenderness at the moment. I've been annoyingly delicate all year. Like really literally all of 2011. Maybe even beyond that. It's annoying.
I am taking some meds, the tiniest baby dose of Citalopram. The doctor doubled it last month, so it's like a twin-baby dose now. I had no response to the first batch of it-- any easing in my depression I figured was more likely to be due to a relief of stress after the end of the derby season and a much greater exposure to sunshine. And there was some easing, sure, but not really much. The only thing I've noticed now on the higher dose is that I definitely am having some of those sexual side effects they talk about. Boo, that's not pleasant. Minor so far, and sorry if that's TMI, but I feel like I should mention them, since this is after all a journal.
I did have a lovely day yesterday, though. Liesl visited, and we spent the day crafting. First we dyed a number of things different shades of blue, which was fun. I managed not to dye my fingernails until the very end, so they're just the palest shade of blue underneath right now. It doesn't look too bad. Then we drank beer and I drew an incredibly involved stencil of the Kingdom of Aethelmearc's escarbuncle logo, which Liesl cut out with impressive Exacto dexterity. (It looks like this.) Also got a lot of sewing done. Gotta see how much I can get done before Pennsic... I'm hopeful that I'll be well-prepared. I'm guessing it's going to be a hot one.
Ugh I think I might go ice my face to see if that helps this! Bummer, I didn't intend this post to be quite so whiny. Oh well, I gotta do what I do, I guess.
