dammit

I hate waiting by the phone.

Landlady never called back and I'm going to have to call her and be a bitch. I hate her for making me be a bitch.

Manager of the bar in the airport was supposed to call about the application and resume I dropped off yesterday. The fella who was there was extremely sure of it. But as of yet, no phone call.

I was burned out last night. Totally burned out. Stared at the screen, didn't even know what to do.
So i went to bed at 10, and slept snuggled with Dave the whole night.
Today I know where the scenes should go, and have cleared over 3k words in the last couple hours, but I am not motivated.
I want something else.
I want to do something else.

I'd hoped that I could cure the burned-out feeling by getting all that sleep (10 hours, all told) but it's not entirely gone.

Come on, two more good (over 5k) days and I'm done.

But the words... they're coming, but I am so unsettled and want to be elsewhere. I don't know where, doing what, but I do.

I already took yesterday off almost entirely. I can't have written more than 2k words in the whole day.

This is stupid. I'm almost out of time. And there's nothing else I want to do.

Someone motivate me!! Augh.

privacy and trust

On Election Night, I borrowed Dave's laptop intermittently to write all my stupid incoherent blog postings without leaving the living room. (We were using his computer to check electoral-vote.com and the like.)

I logged into Livejournal.

In the browser he uses.

I never logged out. I thought I checked "when browser closes", but apparently not.

"Oh yeah," he said, "suddenly when I read your blog there were all these other icons that hadn't been there before, that said things like 'edit' and the like. And when I go to comment, I have to check 'Anonymous' so i don't comment as you."

"Why don't you log out, then?" I said, mildly horrified.

"I don't know how," he answered.

*shaky laugh* Good thing I don't ever bother to check "friends only" when I bitch about Dave. And yes, I apologize. Sometimes that's the first time he hears about problems we're having. No, I don't communicate well in person. Why do you ask? Our courtship was almost entirely via email.

So, on that note, Dave's in the other room making up a marinade for the venison that's been in the freezer since last deer season, and I am totally watching his ass as he bends over the table to work. And he doesn't know I can see him.


Yeah, at this point, Dave and I know each other's passwords, so it's pretty well moot. Although, actually, someone made me change my livejournal password and it's now not my primary password, so it's actually the only thing Dave couldn't haxor into. And my bank made me use a complex number instead. So he couldn't actually destroy my whole life if he suddenly became possessed by evil...

I wonder if that's a new 21st-century benchmark of commitment? No, he's never said "I love you" in the two and a half years we've been living together (I'm not kidding), but he's told me his password, and that means something.

quote of the moment

Dave:

"If I had a kitten, I'd name it Zoltan."

(peers over my shoulder, sees me writing this)

"I would, though. Wouldn't that be cool? 'Hey there, Zoltan!'"


Obviously i am not getting much writing done.

Dave: *does the Zoltan gesture from Dude Where's My Car*

(no subject)

Mm. Plot's a bit shaky. Gotta rewrite.
But first, blow through it and finish the book.

( 1165 words )

Total words: 77850.

do beagles dream olfactorily?

The dog's asleep on the couch beside me.
She's dreaming.
And kicking me in her sleep.

Apparently humans have a nerve that shuts off their motor abilities while they are asleep. Most other mammals lack this. Why?
Humans' early ancestors slept in trees, and having a dream wherein they twitched and ran would knock them out of the tree.

Similarly, horses have a check ligament in their legs that prevents them from falling down while they sleep. However, they require several hours a week of REM sleep, which they must lie down to take. I still believe that our family horse Tiger, always nervous but worse once we got our other horse, a dominant, bullying mare, stopped lying down to sleep, and went slowly mad. He died of entirely unknown causes after about a year of deteriorating and eccentric behavior, which no vet could explain to us.


Dave twitches in his sleep. I asked him about it and he said it usually happens when he's not quite asleep, and it's not dreaming, it's just reflex. His skeleton is somewhat larger than his tendons and ligaments were quite intended for-- he can't come close to touching his toes without flexing his knees-- and his legs in particular twitch a great deal while he is falling asleep.

Sleep is a strange thing. We sleep in approximately 90-minute cycles, and the deepest sleep is about an hour after falling asleep. We fall asleep, submerge rapidly, and then resurface very gradually. At the end is REM sleep, which is the dreaming stage, and then we are quite close to being awake. Which is why we often awake from dreams. If we are awakened out of the dreamless stages of sleep, we are groggy and it takes a long time to come to consciousness.

Ideally, we should have time to go through three of these 90-minute cycles in a night. The length of the cycle varies somewhat. Many people can get 3 cycles into 8 hours, which is why it's so often held up as an example of a good length of time for nightly sleep.

Dave can't function on less than 9 hours. I think his cycles are slow and he spends a lot of time very deeply asleep. We are both light sleepers who return easily to sleep. Which is nice; I don't have to worry that if I wake him he won't be able to sleep again.


Which should serve us well if that guy ever calls me back and I wind up ending bar until 4 every morning.


Bert's still kicking me.