dragonlady7

Just finished my third consecutive night of skating. Felt quite nice to be back in the swing of things. I think my performance is OK to adequate. Could be better, could be much worse. I'm able to do the things I need to, and if there are things I want to do that I'm not, I haven't figured out what they are. I feel pretty good. But I could feel better.
I am formulating tentative goals for the season. Last season I made it a goal to work on my conditioning, so that my performance would be better, and guess what? I sucked. I worked like a dog, worked out four or five days a week for the whole fucking season, and wound up sucking wind. I felt the worst I ever have, as a skater (barring times I've been injured). So obviously that approach doesn't do it for me. Riding a bike for hours doesn't do shit for my cardio, and attending every single possible practice doesn't do it either. I'll have to come up with something else. At the moment my conditioning is adequate, but of course, nobody's stepped it up yet. And I could be stronger.

So I think instead I'll make strength training a goal. Work more on some Pilates, see if I can't work in an upper body workout somewhere, somehow. My shoulders and arms are the most sore after three consecutive hard cardio workouts-- go figure. Obviously I need to work on that. Arms and core. And legs, of course, but those kind of get worked on incidentally. A gym membership is out of the question-- I can't realiably afford groceries and derby already costs $40 a month, so there's no way I can justify any further expense whatsoever. (A pity, I've been wanting to get back into lap swimming. My skin probably couldn't handle the chlorine so it's just as well.)

I suppose I could eat better, though deliberate incentives that direction never go well, and again with the not really affording groceries thing. I accidentally just did two not-very-balanced vegetarian-by-accident meals in a row, though, and I know I need more protein than that. Well, if I don't, Z definitely does-- boy is anemic and lethargic and has been feeling intermittently under the weather from not eating enough. An unusual problem, but it's been an unusual summer.

I am thinking that I want to buy that book about weightlifting that everyone's buying. It has workouts and nutrition tips. But it sounds like it's predicated on someone having access to gym workout equipment, which I don't. I should look it up in more detail. What I got is some 5-pound barbells, and then I have some milk jugs full of water that weigh about 8.75 pounds. Anything beyond that, well, I don't have it, and I'm unlikely to get pumped up to buy it. But we'll see.

I used to care what I weighed. I still look at the scale once in a while. I was 175 when I started derby, the lowest weight of my adult life. I should mention that I weighed that during a physically demanding job during which I often didn't have time to eat, and then I got an illness that made it difficult for me to eat, so the only way for me to weigh that little is to exercise 40ish hours a week AND starve myself. So I know I looked pretty good-- but bras still didn't fit, so it wasn't all that great. I've been as high as 215, but I think my reasonably stable skating weight is around 205. My body fat composition has shifted a bit, though, and I feel like I have an ass now. I don't know if I do-- I still look at pictures and see almost no ass and all top-heavy awkwardness, but I really feel like I've got an ass, so I just have to not look at pictures in order to believe in my hiney. Also one of the first projects with my new sewing machine (more on that later) will be proper gold booty shorts. And some skater skirts. Oh yes. More frillies for my bum!

Grah, fitness is so annoying to have to consider. I just want to kick ass. And there's an awful lot of work that goes into kicking ass. But if I want to do it, I've got to put in the effort.

I also need new wheels. Not urgently, but before bouting season I gotta get 'em. I dearly want to invest in some Swiss Six bearings-- people swear they make you sooo much faster, and I've been riding Reds for 3 years and Lord knows could use the help. But I don't know. And I know what I've got now are the cheapest Radar wheels, which are pretty much "Hey, they're in my budget, I'll take 'em, as long as they're approximately round." I'd love to rock some trendy new fancy wheels. Experts say that Atom's Lowboys are the shit for our type of floor.
But shit, I'm not a jammer. What do I need to spend $120 on wheels instead of $49? And what do I need to drop $104 on bearings, when my faithful Reds are steadily increasing in price but still not even $40? I mean, shit. I don't have the $90 I need for the cheap shit, where am I going to get $230 plus tax and shipping for the expensive shit? That's more than my skates cost.
Well, Christmas, I guess, but those are expensive things to ask for, and also pretty technical. And the bouting season starts early, so I'm not going to have time to break them in if I wait until then. So...
Phooey.

I hate shopping, is what it is. I hate spending money. I hate making decisions about spending money. My other current angst-filled obsession, which should be fun, is shopping for a sewing machine. Oh my God. Online is ridiculous-- the only comprehensive listing of products is on the various manufacturers' websites, where of course they don't even give you a hint of the price. And shit. There are sewing machines out there for anything from $30 to $10,000. I know what I want, but I don't know what machine does what I want. I keep thinking OK, this is the right one, I've narrowed it down. And then I look at a different machine in a totally different price point, and realize, hey, the cheaper one has all the features I want. But, why is it so much cheaper? And then I can't figure out what the difference is. Sometimes it's something subtle. Well, the more expensive one has a metal frame so it's more durable. Sometimes it's something obvious. Well, the more expensive one has a bunch of shit you don't need. But sometimes it's a subtle obvious thing. Ohhh, the more expensive one does some absolutely crucial thing that if I don't get, I will constantly be mad at myself for.

So it's really stressful. Most everything I decide is perfect, when I finally find out the price, it's twice what I wanted to spend. (And I do have a reasonably large budget, here.) So I'm really completely baffled, and am hoping that if I just meditate, I'll magically figure out the right thing to do. But I don't have a ton of confidence. :/

Boo. Chita is going nuts running around the house, and it's goddamn midnight. She has been an absolute pest for weeks now, and it's getting really fucking old. We may need to bring Remi back. I dunno. Would I rather be meowed at constantly, or deal with the fucking food dish burying crap?