fiction

[dragonlady7]

So I've been spending lately re-reading old works-in-progress. I'm feeling kind of down on myself in general, like... well, I'm not really accomplishing much with my life. And writing is the only thing I've ever consistently enjoyed doing, as well as being the only thing I've ever gotten any recognition of any kind for being at all good at. So as I lie in bed feeling wretched, with awful muscle pang things going on in both legs probably related to the still-not-healed back injury and a physically demanding job, I am consoling myself by rereading these things I've written, and escaping into these worlds I've... well, not created so much as found.
They all run out, in the end; all of them trail off, incomplete, or are fragmented by my knowledge that they need editing. I need to finish them. Most of them are original creations (or discoveries, I suppose), but some are explorations into previously created worlds, but all are the sort of thing I like to read, and so it is painful to find them incomplete. Even when I know where they're going, I wish they'd go there.
I need to complete at least one of them. But which one??

I feel like not many people still read LJ, after all this. I have a lot of people who read my Facebook updates, and I know I post there more than LJ now. But I still need this long-form kind of mental clearinghouse-- that's the purpose LJ serves for me.

But I know what I post here may not wind up belonging to me. So i shouldn't post fiction here. Not that many still read, here. But anyway.
I was thinking of posting some excerpts over at Dreamwidth. I got that account, mostly to keep the name mine. But I don't use it. Maybe I should. I was going to use it as a place to archive fic, original and otherwise.

So I think I might start putting some excerpts up there. The act of posting them, explaining them, presenting them to an audience, even if nobody reads me over there, may be enough to help me think through the process of focusing on one. Maybe I'll even finish one. (The only novel I ever wrote start-to-finish and actually finished was basically liveblogged, for NaNoWriMo 200... 4? On another LJ account I rarely now use. It sucked, mind, but I did finish it.)

I dunno. I'm just feeling really low and down and bad at the moment. Probably because my back is bothering the shit out of me, and I still haven't heard back about the health insurance, and if I don't hear in time I won't be able to skate this year, but I'm not thinking about that. I'm just feeling shitty. Boo.

I have today off and was trying to clean the house but am so very wound-up I just paced around, not getting much done, until my back hurt bad enough I had to lie down. I'm lying down now, though this position (in which I can get things done) isn't really helping as much as I'd hoped. So boo. Ibuprofen and I wish I had a Valium and maybe I'll feel better in a bit.

Any requests, in re: fic posting? Anyone got any opinions? Distract me! I was going to start off by posting something but am paralyzed with indecision and ennui.

/End whiny rant for now.

Comments

[alex-beecroft.livejournal.com]

I would say, if you have a favourite - one that you really want to see the end of, and where you can still feel the characters - then pick that one and don't stop working on it until you get to the end. I know I can't do more than one story at once, but I've had a lot of success with telling myself I just am not allowed to do anything else until the one I'm working on is finished.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I have tried that in the past, and I just get frustrated and don't write at all. I do better with permission to have a little ADD, and to write whichever story inspires me at the moment-- for the most part, I'm good and can stay focused when I need to.
I think my current issue is that none of them are speaking to me loudly enough to be heard clearly; they're all sort of mumbling at me, but if I give attention to any one, it shuts up. V. annoying...

[forodwaith.livejournal.com]

I've been going through the same kind of writing funk and yeah, it really sucks.

So, I dunno if this kind of thing energizes you or not (in which case feel free to ignore me) but I'd be interested in double-dog-daring and/or cheerleading each other to finish something.

Or, at the very least, I would read your DW account.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I would absolutely be interested!! While I was rereading my stuff I found Red Mare again and I am dying to know what happens to them. I wouldn't at all mind a reading exchange or somesuch-- I don't even need a beta-reader, particularly, so much as I just sort of need an audience who is going to make me feel bad if I haven't kept up with my end. I understand if you don't have time to read, though! But I would like to read more of your stuff-- even if it's not the same story, I know I'll want to know how it ends.
... At the moment, I just have to start. Again.

[forodwaith.livejournal.com]

A reader waiting for more would be a big motivator. And I know you've rewritten the barbarians novel since, so it may not be the same opening, but I definitely want to know what happens next to Callonia.

Let's do it! Does next Sunday (the 20th) give you enough time?

[sweetpea-grubb.livejournal.com]

THE JÄGERSLASH ONE!!!! I am craving more on that fic SO HARD right now you have no idea.

Oh please oh please oh please!

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I don't remember what part I sent to you. I have wanted to continue it, but in the absence of any new raw material it's been hard to get back into it. I did just sit and read a couple of the Jager-heavy storylines last night, but it's hard to get that one to speak to me. I think in the absence of any way to tie it back into the current storyline, I'm a little at a loss. But it is a fun one to reread and I get frustrated when it never gets to the good bits. I will spend some time with it and see if I can get them to say anything more... I think the problem is that it wants to slide out of fantasy into being a historical, and i just don't know enough about that era of Russian history not to sound a total prat. (Not helped, of course, by the Foglios being so vague about how their Europa is supposed to fit into any actual historical entity-- which is their prerogative, and is perfect for the story they're telling, but that combined with the [for me] rare situation of non-finished canon is making it tricky for me. I think I mentioned my only previous/other fanfic experience is Tolkien, which is nicely fossilized for my convenience.)
Not that I won't work on it, I just don't know how far I can get. Remind me where I left off-- I might have done more since then.

[sweetpea-grubb.livejournal.com]

You sent me the part from when Dimo and Oggie are running from the monster to when Dimo and Maxim are all curled up by the fire and Dimo's trying to figure out why Maxim reminds him of that Maria lady. Here are the last few lines...

"No," Maxim said, "no, it's... better." He shivered. Dimo was a little warmer now, pressed against Maxim's body. Small mercies: Maxim smelled nothing like Maria. Then again, nothing smelled the same after the change. Maxim smelled of blood, of horse, of battle-draught, of mud and leather and wool.

I personally think that you shouldn't worry so much about getting all the history right or making it tie-in perfectly. I know I'm not going to complain. Heck, I don't even think I'd notice.