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dragonlady7I feel like a total chump.
Woke up at 5ish, with a mild need to pee and an overwhelming need to not hurt so bad. So I got up and staggered to the bathroom, and promptly became so dizzy I couldn't stand up. My vision went totally black and I sat on the edge of the shower tub and tried to breathe and wondered what the hell I was supposed to do now.
Got back to bed, and couldn't lie down, couldn't sit up, couldn't lie on my back, couldn't lie on my stomach. And my world was pain. Everywhere, pain. Cold sweat, lightheaded, no temperature regulation, breathing like a stranded fish, blinding pain.
I tried to sit on the edge of the bed and, I dunno, look at the Internet or something, since it was the middle of the night and these things always seem worse in the middle of the night. But it was so excruciating no matter what position I was in that I just couldn't make it work. Being upright wasn't OK; I kept having to lie down to get blood back to my head so I could function. I have kind of a squishy lower back/hip/ass area, but it was extremely tender on one side, and it felt to me like it was swollen on that side a little, and that seemed to me like a really bad really dire thing.
Z finally turned over and asked what the hell I was doing.
"Being not OK," I said.
We decided to take me to a hospital, since not being able to stand up seemed to be a real problem. Getting dressed was horrible. Getting shoes was difficult. (Yay flip-flop weather.) Getting out the door was hard and getting into the car... well, the thought of it nearly made me cry. I just kind of gingerly folded myself into the thing and hit myself in the hip with the door a couple times trying to get in.
... They were actually super-nice at the ER. An EMT going off duty was bidding farewell to the receptionist as I checked in (clutching the counter and choking as I tried to breathe), and told me sweetly he hoped I felt better soon. I spent more time with the financial people than with any medical sorts, but they were nice too. And the doctor who came to see me, a real actual doctor, was very nice, very reasonable, very sympathetic.
And no, nothing was wrong with my kidneys.
It was a muscle problem after all.
But he pointed out that there are about three major layers of muscle in that area of the back, and I had apparently damaged the innermost one. It had been primarily affected by some incident while camping, probably something in teardown, and then aggravated since then, worst of all by the awful twisting fall I had last night.
So he prescribed ibuprofen, and i felt like a total idiot-- I have that stuff at home, I just don't like to take drugs. It's most effective when taken continuously, so it can reduce the swelling in an injured area and then take the pain down, but I always take it once, grump that it doesn't help, and then go back to toughing it out, with plenty of whining.
But he also prescribed hydrocodone, because pain bad enough to make a rollergirl pass out is probably going to break through ibuprofen, at least at first.
And I don't often get taken that seriously, so I really appreciated that.
But I'm not eligible for the last-ditch health insurance plan I applied for (hell of a time to find out), and I am out of options, so I don't know what to do, so I'm going to go take more drugs and cry for a little while, because I don't know what to do and I need insurance so I can skate this season and that was my last option and I was so sure it was going to work. Because I make $150 a week, but I live with a boyfriend who makes far more than that-- he just doesn't get paid in a timely fashion, so we live hand-to-mouth, rack up debts, pay them off when he gets paid, and then have to live hand-to-mouth until he gets paid again. We don't have any extravagant habits we can cut out-- we already did-- so we're kind of at our max budget. He can't get insurance through his job. I can't get insurance through my job. We're not married and our finances aren't merged, but since he's in my household I'm not eligible for any assistance. Maaaybe he could afford something on his own, but it wouldn't cover me. So I'm fucked, in a catch-22. I can't get any access to healthcare of any kind. And I can't skate without it. And skating is about the only thing I have in my life. If my back was permanently hosed I could sort of accept that at least skating's no longer an option so it doesn't matter, but the prognosis is actually pretty good. I just need health insurance. Which I haven't a hope in hell of ever getting. (And they told me to come back for a follow-up and I said oh of course but pff, like I can afford that. i've applied for assistance through the hospital for this visit but even if it's only like $200, I dont' have that. I was already upset because I owe $40 for skating dues, which I have to come up with sometime this week, and I don't have it, where am I going to get a couple hundred? That's two weeks' pay.)
So I have to go lie down a little while and maybe it'll hurt less after a while and I'll come up with more ideas. I took that Loritab like an hour ago, I'd sort of hoped it would do something by now...
But seriously, I went to the ER for a fucking sprain. Seriously. What the fuck.
Woke up at 5ish, with a mild need to pee and an overwhelming need to not hurt so bad. So I got up and staggered to the bathroom, and promptly became so dizzy I couldn't stand up. My vision went totally black and I sat on the edge of the shower tub and tried to breathe and wondered what the hell I was supposed to do now.
Got back to bed, and couldn't lie down, couldn't sit up, couldn't lie on my back, couldn't lie on my stomach. And my world was pain. Everywhere, pain. Cold sweat, lightheaded, no temperature regulation, breathing like a stranded fish, blinding pain.
I tried to sit on the edge of the bed and, I dunno, look at the Internet or something, since it was the middle of the night and these things always seem worse in the middle of the night. But it was so excruciating no matter what position I was in that I just couldn't make it work. Being upright wasn't OK; I kept having to lie down to get blood back to my head so I could function. I have kind of a squishy lower back/hip/ass area, but it was extremely tender on one side, and it felt to me like it was swollen on that side a little, and that seemed to me like a really bad really dire thing.
Z finally turned over and asked what the hell I was doing.
"Being not OK," I said.
We decided to take me to a hospital, since not being able to stand up seemed to be a real problem. Getting dressed was horrible. Getting shoes was difficult. (Yay flip-flop weather.) Getting out the door was hard and getting into the car... well, the thought of it nearly made me cry. I just kind of gingerly folded myself into the thing and hit myself in the hip with the door a couple times trying to get in.
... They were actually super-nice at the ER. An EMT going off duty was bidding farewell to the receptionist as I checked in (clutching the counter and choking as I tried to breathe), and told me sweetly he hoped I felt better soon. I spent more time with the financial people than with any medical sorts, but they were nice too. And the doctor who came to see me, a real actual doctor, was very nice, very reasonable, very sympathetic.
And no, nothing was wrong with my kidneys.
It was a muscle problem after all.
But he pointed out that there are about three major layers of muscle in that area of the back, and I had apparently damaged the innermost one. It had been primarily affected by some incident while camping, probably something in teardown, and then aggravated since then, worst of all by the awful twisting fall I had last night.
So he prescribed ibuprofen, and i felt like a total idiot-- I have that stuff at home, I just don't like to take drugs. It's most effective when taken continuously, so it can reduce the swelling in an injured area and then take the pain down, but I always take it once, grump that it doesn't help, and then go back to toughing it out, with plenty of whining.
But he also prescribed hydrocodone, because pain bad enough to make a rollergirl pass out is probably going to break through ibuprofen, at least at first.
And I don't often get taken that seriously, so I really appreciated that.
But I'm not eligible for the last-ditch health insurance plan I applied for (hell of a time to find out), and I am out of options, so I don't know what to do, so I'm going to go take more drugs and cry for a little while, because I don't know what to do and I need insurance so I can skate this season and that was my last option and I was so sure it was going to work. Because I make $150 a week, but I live with a boyfriend who makes far more than that-- he just doesn't get paid in a timely fashion, so we live hand-to-mouth, rack up debts, pay them off when he gets paid, and then have to live hand-to-mouth until he gets paid again. We don't have any extravagant habits we can cut out-- we already did-- so we're kind of at our max budget. He can't get insurance through his job. I can't get insurance through my job. We're not married and our finances aren't merged, but since he's in my household I'm not eligible for any assistance. Maaaybe he could afford something on his own, but it wouldn't cover me. So I'm fucked, in a catch-22. I can't get any access to healthcare of any kind. And I can't skate without it. And skating is about the only thing I have in my life. If my back was permanently hosed I could sort of accept that at least skating's no longer an option so it doesn't matter, but the prognosis is actually pretty good. I just need health insurance. Which I haven't a hope in hell of ever getting. (And they told me to come back for a follow-up and I said oh of course but pff, like I can afford that. i've applied for assistance through the hospital for this visit but even if it's only like $200, I dont' have that. I was already upset because I owe $40 for skating dues, which I have to come up with sometime this week, and I don't have it, where am I going to get a couple hundred? That's two weeks' pay.)
So I have to go lie down a little while and maybe it'll hurt less after a while and I'll come up with more ideas. I took that Loritab like an hour ago, I'd sort of hoped it would do something by now...
But seriously, I went to the ER for a fucking sprain. Seriously. What the fuck.
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no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 02:30 pm (UTC)The health insurance situation is crazy, which doesn't mean don't look after your health, of course. Do you get those ads where you can buy health insurance for like $250/mo? I'm not even sure that would help, it would just be for major health events, but you could probably still skate. Of course there is the $250/mo thing...
You know, I make a pretty fair buck and my husband has been out of work for over a year now. He's still able to collect UI, because of all the extensions, but the reduction of income has SUUUUUCKED. Still, that's not the worst of it - the worst of it is that his work paid for our health insurance, so not only did we take an income hit, we GAINED a new big expenditure. Our health insurance costs $900/mo. Going without is not an option, as I still have one kid who is eligible for coverage (the one who broke his FEMUR last March) and I have diabetes.
I love that we seem to be able to make up anything we want about the new health care bill (as long as we don't actually have to READ it), but looking at situations like yours and like mine, it seems like there's just no doubt SOMETHING needs to happen.
Dude. I hope you feel better soon.
no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 05:49 pm (UTC)I am sure they have that written down somewhere now. I'm sure he makes too much. I'm well within it, but he's supposed to be buying it for me, since we're a household. Great.