oh god, oh god oh god oh god oh okay. Okay! Okay.

[dragonlady7]

Nnnngh. Another teammate has been laid off from a job she loved. And then a friend is going to have to have serious surgery that's going to have her flat on her ass for way longer than anyone should have to be. A Pennsic household mate I was looking forward immensely to seeing is on strict bed rest and must miss the event. And another household mate may not, after all, be able to get the time off from work. Shit is falling on people I care for, and there's nothing I can do, and I don't like it.
And I still worry about myself-- about my job, that I'm not doing well enough there and I'm not pleasing people and I could do better, and that maybe the job's not good enough because I'm not making enough money to pull my weight, so I should get a second one, but in what free time? and I can't leave, they need me there. And I can't find any better jobs anyway, and I'm not worth anything in this society since I'm not good at whatever it is that makes people rich. Yadda yadda yadda.

And I can't chill out. I just can't chill, lately. I can't find the off switch, and if I do, it doesn't stay off. I understand now why people use drugs. I understand why people go to their doctors and say "There's something wrong" and get little pills they take that make it go away. Because I can't switch off. I'm not even particularly unhappy, I'm just awfully uncomfortable. I wish it would just turn off for a while. Sometimes I've had this before and if I just skate hard enough the endorphins chase it away. But going until my legs were shaking last night wasn't enough. I could've skated harder, we just were working on precision stuff, which frustrates me, winds me up, and doesn't exhaust me enough to shut my damn brain off.

So I've got all my hopes hung on Pennsic. I've just got to get there. I've got to get there, set up my shit and make it all nice and organized and pleasant to be in, and put on the clothes I've spent waaay too much time and effort on, and see people I've missed a lot, and be Somewhere Else, and since you can't be doing anything else, I won't have this pressure to be doing a zillion things. And then I can just get drunk and shoot the shit with people and it will all be OK.
I've just kind of got everything hung on that. If I can get there, it will all be OK. I will see so many friends, I will see cool stuff, I will be able to just be OK, and it will all be fine.

So I've seen this Pennsic meme floating around, so I'm going to do it now. And I expect that every single pair of eyes passing over this who is anywhere near Slippery Rock, PA is going to stop in and say hi.


Where are you camping, and where else will you be findable?
I will be camping at the Inn of the Three Swans, which has an open bar almost every night and pretty much all day-- if the door's open, someone's around, so come in and have a drink (it doesn't have to be alcoholic) and sit and shoot the shit. We are also the home base for Swamp Watch if there is any, and there will actually be children in camp this time, though not too many, so don't let the idea of the wild and crazy Swamp scare you. Lower left corner of E-27, at the intersection of Myfan Way and the Causeway, where all the tiki torches intersect-- kitty-corner from the enormous bank of Port-A-Castles by the stream. (Our gateway is usually located between a couple of trees.)
Also! I will be working at Your Inner Vagabond, though whether in the kitchen or as a waitress I don't yet know. I will probably be working there more first week than second week, because I'm trying to chill the heck out a little, but also I am broke. :(

When are you arriving?
I am going to be rolling in the first week Monday, and will be going away during the middle weekend somewhat to retrieve Z, but I'll be back. Unfortunately I think I'm going to have to head out Friday of War Week, but that hasn't been decided 100%.

What fun things are you planning to do?
I want to see the Combat of the Thirty this time, I want to look at some battles, and I want to go to more parties and haflas. I don't know if I will-- I am in a bad way and sorely in need of just chilling the hell out-- but I definitely plan on seeing more of the sights. I'll probably hit a few classes but I don't know what yet and I'm really trying not to get myself a stressing-out schedule. I also am hoping to score some fun cameras from work to test out, so maybe, just maybe, if the weather cooperates, and even if it doesn't, I'll be taking some fun pictures. I came home from last Pennsic with about four pictures, none of which included myself, so I'm hoping to do better this time. I know Pennsic isn't about the photography but I would really like to have some sort of record, if nothing else to show my disbelieving coworkers.

And, if there's any chance I haven't connected LJ names and SCA names, what's your SCA name?
I don't have one yet! I still just go by Bridget.

Some people have improved this meme by posting photos of themselves, and I would love to participate but I have basically no photos of myself in garb. I used a picture of myself as my user icon, but it's embarrassingly out of date-- I believe that photo was taken in 2000, which is not recent-- so let me see if I have a better.

This is a hairstyle I'll probably wear at Pennsic a lot-- it's 0 maintenance and bonus! Period!

And then this one-- I'll probably be wearing this dress a bit, though I've a navy blue version I like better, if only I can get the eyelets finished. Oh when oh when will I have time? Augh!


Stress! Mustn't think too hard. Deep breaths. Finish that beer. Fall asleep, please really fall asleep this time and stay asleep. That'd be a good way to be. Yes.

I am going to get better photos of Pennsic this year, most definitely. And better photos of myself.
I may even print them.

And then I'm going to re-discover the LJ-cut. Sorry!! I don't have any intrinsic sense anymore.

Comments

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

Hey, we'll be at the Combat of the Thirty, watching. We'll also likely have the boys with us, so look for a little boy with a bright orange cast and you'll see us!

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I just read the entry with the photo of the cast. Poor boy! It's sort of a rite of passage, though, isn't it?
I will definitely be on the lookout for the bright orange cast. :)