today

[dragonlady7]

I am never online lately. Today got off to a slow start-- day off, one of only a very few before Pennsic, but I could not sleep after about 3 am-- no reason, just uncomfortable, hot and sticky, and thirsty, and parts of me were achy, and I started thinking about stuff, and ugh, no more real sleep.
So I lay in bed with my computer-- woke at 8 or so, then opened up the laptop and reread the full draft I wrote of barbarians_novel like um two years ago? Three now? Which I'm discarding for the new one, mostly. Except... I read through it and while it's rough in patches, I really like it. :( To gut it and re-do it hurts me, because there are some excellent moments, and whole characters, and entire plots, settings, and cherished themes, that I will lose.
I need to be more disciplined about this stuff-- I write novels like I garden, in that I can't bear to pull up seedlings, so i crowd them all in, and then none of them comes completely to fruition, and it's all really quite crowded and a bit strangling really, and most of it winds up underdeveloped, and half or even more of it is weeds. But I can't bear to prune or pull or thin or kill things. It's just heartbreaking to me.

Bleh. So I lay in bed reading that stuff until ten a.m. Then I got up and was informed that we had no milk for the coffee, and really nothing in the house to eat. So I put my coffee into the fridge, and began making lists of
Fi and I were fantastically productive. We picked up Pennsic supplies at the liquor store ($10 mail in rebate on fancy vodka, helloooo!!!) We loaded up the car and dropped off a whole bunch of things she can't use and can't sell, for Amvets. Thence to FWS, a local furniture/home decorating warehouse-style store. OMG awesome: I scored a bunch of upholstery fabric remnants, from which I am going to make bags. Maybe for Pennsic, maybe not. I have almost completed everything Z needs to wear-- uh, sort of, but not entirely, but I can bang it out, I promise. The things for redstapler's boyfriend, uh, not so much. I have two pairs of pants for him so far, both of which are more of the ghetto and less of the awesome than I prefer when I make things (both are of recycled materials-- too narrow for me, too short for Z, so instead of throwing them on the scrap heap, I made minor tweaks. But, ghetto). I need to bang out several more. I just, it's hours and materials I don't have. But I will do it. I must do it, I said I would. Argh. I even *like* doing it, I'm just too crunched to enjoy it properly.
I keep saying "bang out" which sounds like it ought to be dirty. Bummer. Not enough dirty in my life currently.
From FWS we went to the grocery store and shopped like the wind! The wind, I tell you! My aphasia thing was really bad-- I explained to Fi that I was going to buy "um, those round things, that we eat for breakfast. With holes in them. You know. Over there." (Not doughnuts, I should explain. That narrows it down.) Fiona was appalled and dismayed, as she had taken cold medicine, so she was spacey and confused. I managed to drop a glass bottle almost onto my foot, nearly shattering it. A Wegman's employee was there within twenty seconds, and had instructed me to just go get another from the cooler (it was a a caffeinated drink which I had purchased from the deli section so I could drink it while I shopped, to help me feel better; I opened it, took a sip, put the cap on and set it in the cart while I fumbled to put the receipt for it away and retrieve my shopping list, and immediately dropped it. I was so upset. That girl's kindness totally saved me from a totally shitty moment). So I shopped with bottled tea splattered all over my legs, but drank another bottled tea and it helped me not be so stupid.
I am really sad that this stupidity thing doesn't go away after my period is done anymore. It used to just be really bad on the first two or three days of my period-- like, don't leave the house or operate machinery or have important conversations bad-- and then I wasn't particularly air-headed unless I was distracted. But lately I've just been plain stupid, all the time. So I don't like that, but I rather suspect it's not a stroke or whatever, but instead largely due to my complete lack of free time and constant stressing and worrying over things I can't control. So I've got to deal with that. Maybe it's the kind of thing a pill could fix-- anxiety and depression run in the family, after all-- but since of course I haven't got health insurance coverage, I don't get pills for things, so I guess I just have to get the last of my Pennsic prep, and moving-Fi-out-of-state prep, done and then start focusing on CHILLING THE FUCK OUT. Which I'm really not good at. Mayyyybe I need to not work at Your Inner Vagabond this Pennsic? Would it help? Sadly, I think it might.
I think mostly I need to somehow get a bunch of money. Dunno how that's going to happen.

Anyway. Made it out of the grocery store alive and not broke. Well, not significantly broker than before. Now there's food in the house, so a constant low-grade source of anxiety and worry (i.e. I'm not providing for the family-- I don't know why, since I'm the only one who works outside the house, it's still 100% my problem if there's no food in the house, and 100% my responsibility to fix, but it is) is somewhat alleviated.
Got home, unloaded the car, put the groceries away, did a quick inventory, and headed out the door again with Fi. (Drank my coffee, iced, now that there was milk; went down fast and easy. Good.) We hit JoAnn's, and got some strap material to make bags with the fabric we got at FWS. Got some fabric too, cheapish, to finish up a couple of garments. I am going to try to have a veil to wear over my hair. We'll see.
Then we went to the evil Wal-Mart, and Fi got herself a coffee grinder. She's not taking a coffee maker to Colorado when she moves-- instead, she's bringing that French Press I got her for Christmas. So she needs a coffee grinder. I snagged a wooden plate to bring to Pennsic-- I had a partial set already. And I got a clipboard-- I have this habit of assembling piles of paper to carry around with me and write notes on, and it'd be way handier if I could clip them to something firm to write on. Fi was disgusted that I would actually purchase a clipboard, but it was $2.50, so I didn't really mind. I spent $6, so I wasn't too upset.

Mini-inventory of the things I have to finish before Pennsic:
for Z:
neckline on 2 tunics
hemline on 3
plus two more entire tunics
hems on 2 pairs of pants
waistband on 1 pair
at least 1 entire pair of pants

for J:
at least 1 more pair of pants, pref. 2. Don't know how many he'll need total, as I never heard back how many days they were going to be there & don't know if she got any other garb sorted for him, but I will have detergent and a bucket and there's a clothesline, so I'll try to have 4 pairs done. Also I'll be home that middle weekend and can knock out another pair if it turns out 4 isn't enough. I should have enough material now-- stash was running low, but today's haul was OK.

for me:
eyelets on dress
sleeves on other dress
hem on those two dresses
finish 2 cholis-- ties and apron and all finishing work
make 1 more choli
1 skirt
1 caftan if at all possible
finish collar on overdress (should be quick)

I think that's all that needs to be done. I also need to do a bit of finishing work on the two wool hoods I made.

And I need to scrape together a bunch of cash. I think I get one more paycheck between now and then, and it should be a nice one with a bunch of hours. I hope. Fingers crossed. :/

I should post a deleted scene. Are people interested in the DVD extras? Scenes I love but must prune out? I may post something. Not right now, though. I can't bear to think of it just now.

Comments

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness, four should be plenty!

Thank you so, so much. :)

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Sweet! I'll shoot for four. I cut out one just a moment ago, but I can't quite fit another one on the available fabric in one piece, so I'm trying to decide-- should I make them mid-calf-length, or lay them out a different way and piece them width-wise?
I think full-length is likely to be more aesthetically appealing, I'm just trying to think where the odd seams should go. Z is handily narrow enough that I can fold the fabric an extra time and get four panels out of one width instead of two, but normal humans don't give me that option.

[redstapler.livejournal.com]

I guess the important detail here is that he has very long legs and a shockingly short torso. I leave the executive decision making up to you.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... Well, I'm just aiming for a 32" inseam on the pants, since that's all the data I've got to work with. If they're too short I can always add longer cuffs-- I'll bring the leftover fabric with, and I was planning on bringing a bunch of sewing stuff anyway. (Me and Liesl will probably be sitting around sewing and knitting a lot, if we can find the time.) A cuff wouldn't take long to hand-sew and would probably look better that way anyway. :) So I'll leave the last couple pairs un-hemmed.

When are you coming-- second week? I saw your post worrying about what if he says no. That sucks that he's being a cock about the whole concept. I'm feeling a liiiiitle bit better at my chances because I busted my ass this past week and the scheduling manager said that she'd have me sit with her to work out the schedule for that time period. I'm just still worried that there'll be no one to cover, so I'll have no choice but to do something obnoxious like drive back mid-week for one freakin' shift.