depressed

[dragonlady7]

I am so depressed. I'm just so depressed. I have, what's it called? Outrage fatigue? Where you're just so mad at something that you're powerless to change, that you've sort of broken the part of yourself that can actually care about things. I'm just so mad, and beat-down, and depressed. I got into this long impassioned discussion with poor Fi, who fucking knows what it's fucking like to be poor, having been to a point of brief and intermittent homelessness, and having been through about three years of absolutely hopeless poverty she couldn't get ahead of. I feel like there's no way to ever get to a point where you're just OK and everything's fine and you're not one major crisis away from sliding back into penny-counting.

Mundane errands become nigh-impossible. Ugh.

So I made sure my paperwork would be correct by, instead of mailing the correction thing, going in person to the company's headquarters so that I could ask all my questions and get the processor's advice.
The woman paid no attention to me-- all she did was check the boxes and make sure they were filled out. "Well," I said at the end, "at least we know it's right and you won't lose my paperwork this time."
"I can't guarantee that," she said.
WTF.
So I guess I'll just have to call daily until I hear back on the final issue.
It was just so frustrating, because I would say, "Well, we know this must be true because of this, right?"
She answered vaguely, "I think that other thing will be suitable..." and went on. I was like... Uh... OK?
There were a couple of occasions where I spoke and she didn't respond, and in a moment said almost the exact thing I'd said, only phrased differently, and it seemed to me that she hadn't registered that I'd spoken... I don't know.

I couldn't work in insurance. She had dead, dead eyes.

Mine must be too, at the moment. I'm just so tired, and beat-down, and I've been foggy-headed all day.


By the way, I just went through my insurance with a fine-toothed comb, and came up with the following things that ARE NOT COVERED:

• ambulance rides
• mental health treatments of any kind
• any treatments done outside New York State
• optical issues
• visits to the doctor because of illness or injury (good one, eh?)
• dental work
• physical therapy-- at all

Yeah. I'm so fucking psyched.

I think I'm going to write a letter to Obama. I know he won't fucking read it, but it might make me feel better. At least, it will give me something to do while I'm too upset and angry and depressed and beat-down to do anything useful with my life.

Comments

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Damn this system.

Are you in the U.S.? What state are you in? It *may* be illegal to refuse to cover mental health treatment, depending on how big your employer is.

http://www.cms.hhs.gov/healthinsreformforconsume/04_thementalhealthparityact.asp

But damn them, and I'm so sorry.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

My plan is through the State of New York.

It's all right-- I don't think I am clinically depressed. Well, maybe only a little. I'm more just situationally depressed.
I hope, anyway, as I haven't much choice.
My sister, however, does take medication for depression, and had been considering switching to this plan I'm on, from COBRA, because she can't really afford COBRA. But that's not an option for her if they don't cover mental health-- maybe she's only on a low dose of a mild antidepressant, but that doesn't mean she doesn't need it.

I dislike not having the option, kind of a lot.

I'm going to look into supplemental insurance to see if maybe I can actually get... coverage... for... I don't know, if I get hurt or sick maybe? I don't know if that stuff covers mental stuff, though.

[gypsum.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. The healthcare "system" in the US is a horrible, awful pile of pish.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

It's just so maddening.

I live in the richest nation in the history of the world and I can't afford to ride in an ambulance.