what is more frustrating?
Oct. 16th, 2008 02:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7I ask you, any of you who have ever written or dreamed any work of fiction: what is more frustrating than lavishing all of this attention and imagination on something, only to read someone else's work and discover that most of the details, details that came to you as if divinely inspired, details whose originality you were so proud of, exactly match something that is already published?
As I spent my hour on the bike today (30 minutes the first day, an hour yesterday, an hour today), my hour with my dirty pleasure of reading a novel, my dismay slowly grew.
I am reading Kushiel's Dart. Liesl said it was interesting, it was about sadomasochism, how great.
I am mildly if at all into s/m or D/s or any of that-- it's intriguing, I see how it's compelling, who doesn't like getting handcuffed to a bedframe now and then-- but it's not something I explore much in my fiction. I've dabbled in it-- in fact, the only drabble I've ever written was an exploration of D/s starring Éomer and Lothíriel-- yes, really-- but it isn't really my bag, not often anyway. So I didn't expect this.
But... motherfuck. A courtesan. Who is a spy. I got that far the first day, and bit my tongue in a little bit of dismay (and a little bit of pain because shit, man, even my expensive gel seat hurts my ass after a while and I get off that thing walking like John Wayne) but consoled myself that Phédre is not really like Callonia at all and the language of the book is so different.
But now there's the bodyguard, Joscelin? Is that his name? I can't go check, the book is not allowed to be removed from the basement. Anyway. He's a monk or something. Celibate.
Motherfucking fuckers.
A little background on Barbarians_Novel, which I haven't discussed much. It started off with a pseudo-Roman city, complete with a military captain's virginal daughter, and the city's allies, a pseudo-Celtic barbarian tribe starring the king's younger son, a big hunky brave honest barbarian.
After a while I got really fucking bored of the virginal heroine. I killed her off. Then I replaced her. She was instead the daughter of some diplomat and was rescued from rape by said barbarian. Also I got sick of pseudo-Celts, which in my opinion has been done to death (though maybe just by me, in my head) so I changed the barbarians to pseudo-Balts instead, just for variety.
Great.
Only no. Still bored with the virginal heroine. So she became a courtesan instead. And she was a spy. Of course. Otherwise there was no plot. And you don't ship whores hundreds of miles just because.
And the barbarian became not the king's younger son, but the king's heir's protector, and that meant he was dedicated to the tribe's protector god. Which meant that he, not she, was the virgin. I liked that a lot. I have developed that a lot. I'm heavily invested in that. A lot. (Otherwise there's no fucking tension and it's boring as shit. And I can only take so much of the wounded sense of personal betrayal; there's got to be an oath to a god in there somewhere or it's just man-whining. Well, it was for me anyway.)
It's OK; I mean, the elevator pitch for the Kushiel trilogy, as far as I can tell, would probably dwell a lot more on the s&m thing, while my elevator pitch is really a whole lot more about a clash of cultures.
It's just that I was so damn proud of those details and they had grown so organically that I really felt that they were unique, just like I am some kind of fucking snowflake. I know, I know, get over it already. And the similarities aren't all that striking.
It's just, well...
I hadn't expected this book to push my kinks-- well, at least not this way. And I am now confused and a bit flustered, because not only did I not realize that the virginal hero was a kink (and whores! who knew I loved whores so much?!), but I also am now confused as to whether I'm, as a reader, supposed to be rooting for Phédre to melt Joscelin's steely resolve. I'm pretty sure I am, but viewing it through the lens of the tortures I'm putting my poor conflicted too-honest pseudo-Balt hunk of hero through. (I haven't decided if he gets a happy ending, incidentally. I mean, I always planned on it, but now I can't make it happen. If I betray him, it only makes him that much more fucked, which I kind of like and kind of think I can't actually do. It's not easy to end a book on a downer like that.)
Anyway. Joscelin hasn't hooked me entirely; his man-angst is something I'd call vanilla except I really like vanilla. Underspiced. (I like my man-angst stoic but mutilated. No, really. Maybe I'm kinkier than I thought. But if he's not spitting blood I'm not that sorry for him.) But at least so far, this book is kind of like good porn to me. I've never found porn so good that I'd just whack off to it as it was. But there's a small but not tiny collection of erotica-- text, film, pictures-- that works for me in indirect ways. I see it/read it, and think about it, and from the basic idea of it, I form a really hot idea, that's worth getting off to. I don't care that deeply about any of the characters in this book yet, but if it continues like this, there are probably lots of bits of it that will serve extremely well as the foundation for re-imaginings. Which is how I fall asleep at night, so that's valuable. (It's like fanfic, only not nearly so structured, and more focused on dialogues or emotional climaxes. Not necessarily sexual. I make these up constantly and have since before puberty-- just pick your favorite character or set of characters, put them in a situation that gives you the mental tinglies, and run through the scene in your head. That's how I've fallen asleep pretty much every single night since the late 80s, and how I've passed car rides and airplane flights and boring lectures and long solo walks and pretty much any time I'm not too busy doing something else.)
There's no danger I'll plagiarize by accident-- anything I steal, I steal so indirectly that it's unrecognizable to anyone but me-- but we'll see how the rest of this book, and the other two books, goes.
In other considerations, that was an unprecedented review of a book I haven't finished reading. Normally if I start reading something you can't talk to me until it's done, so this is highly unusual. And for anyone wondering, the exercise is going well, except for when I get mildly obsessed and want to go back down to the basement to find out what happens next in the book. I really don't think it's healthy to have more than one workout session in a day.
But it's not that strenuous. I may have to give the bike trainer a slightly negative review, because it does not have adjustable resistance, so I am starting to feel like the pedals don't give me enough resistance. I don't stop after an hour because I'm tired, but instead because my ass hurts so bad I can't stand it anymore. At least I do work up a sweat, and my legs are a little shaky at the end. But really-- I'm fat and out of shape, and I'm already finding an hour of pedaling as fast as I can go not particularly challenging.
I am starting to develop a ravenous appetite, though. Which is usually what happens when I exercise hard. So we'll see. I'm trying not to be an idiot about eating, but since I'm not letting myself try to lose weight (it's a stupid reason to do this, and I am already obsessive enough since reading's involved), I don't want to deny myself food when I'm hungry. I will try to drink water to be sure I'm not eating when I'm thirsty, though, as I know I've done that in the past. I don't have Intuitive Eating down pat yet, so I can't be confident I'm not being an idiot when I decide that my craving for chocolate chips cannot be ignored. (It's usually based much more in my brain's knowledge that there are some in the cupboard than my body's actual need for nutrition.)
Bah. Anyway. I had sort of hoped to be working a bit harder. But it's probably just as well I'm not. Yet.
The bike does seem to be helping my knee pain, so I'm really tentatively psyched about that. I hope it really does. That would be great. Because the knee issues have been starting to come back, and I've got to do something.
As I spent my hour on the bike today (30 minutes the first day, an hour yesterday, an hour today), my hour with my dirty pleasure of reading a novel, my dismay slowly grew.
I am reading Kushiel's Dart. Liesl said it was interesting, it was about sadomasochism, how great.
I am mildly if at all into s/m or D/s or any of that-- it's intriguing, I see how it's compelling, who doesn't like getting handcuffed to a bedframe now and then-- but it's not something I explore much in my fiction. I've dabbled in it-- in fact, the only drabble I've ever written was an exploration of D/s starring Éomer and Lothíriel-- yes, really-- but it isn't really my bag, not often anyway. So I didn't expect this.
But... motherfuck. A courtesan. Who is a spy. I got that far the first day, and bit my tongue in a little bit of dismay (and a little bit of pain because shit, man, even my expensive gel seat hurts my ass after a while and I get off that thing walking like John Wayne) but consoled myself that Phédre is not really like Callonia at all and the language of the book is so different.
But now there's the bodyguard, Joscelin? Is that his name? I can't go check, the book is not allowed to be removed from the basement. Anyway. He's a monk or something. Celibate.
Motherfucking fuckers.
A little background on Barbarians_Novel, which I haven't discussed much. It started off with a pseudo-Roman city, complete with a military captain's virginal daughter, and the city's allies, a pseudo-Celtic barbarian tribe starring the king's younger son, a big hunky brave honest barbarian.
After a while I got really fucking bored of the virginal heroine. I killed her off. Then I replaced her. She was instead the daughter of some diplomat and was rescued from rape by said barbarian. Also I got sick of pseudo-Celts, which in my opinion has been done to death (though maybe just by me, in my head) so I changed the barbarians to pseudo-Balts instead, just for variety.
Great.
Only no. Still bored with the virginal heroine. So she became a courtesan instead. And she was a spy. Of course. Otherwise there was no plot. And you don't ship whores hundreds of miles just because.
And the barbarian became not the king's younger son, but the king's heir's protector, and that meant he was dedicated to the tribe's protector god. Which meant that he, not she, was the virgin. I liked that a lot. I have developed that a lot. I'm heavily invested in that. A lot. (Otherwise there's no fucking tension and it's boring as shit. And I can only take so much of the wounded sense of personal betrayal; there's got to be an oath to a god in there somewhere or it's just man-whining. Well, it was for me anyway.)
It's OK; I mean, the elevator pitch for the Kushiel trilogy, as far as I can tell, would probably dwell a lot more on the s&m thing, while my elevator pitch is really a whole lot more about a clash of cultures.
It's just that I was so damn proud of those details and they had grown so organically that I really felt that they were unique, just like I am some kind of fucking snowflake. I know, I know, get over it already. And the similarities aren't all that striking.
It's just, well...
I hadn't expected this book to push my kinks-- well, at least not this way. And I am now confused and a bit flustered, because not only did I not realize that the virginal hero was a kink (and whores! who knew I loved whores so much?!), but I also am now confused as to whether I'm, as a reader, supposed to be rooting for Phédre to melt Joscelin's steely resolve. I'm pretty sure I am, but viewing it through the lens of the tortures I'm putting my poor conflicted too-honest pseudo-Balt hunk of hero through. (I haven't decided if he gets a happy ending, incidentally. I mean, I always planned on it, but now I can't make it happen. If I betray him, it only makes him that much more fucked, which I kind of like and kind of think I can't actually do. It's not easy to end a book on a downer like that.)
Anyway. Joscelin hasn't hooked me entirely; his man-angst is something I'd call vanilla except I really like vanilla. Underspiced. (I like my man-angst stoic but mutilated. No, really. Maybe I'm kinkier than I thought. But if he's not spitting blood I'm not that sorry for him.) But at least so far, this book is kind of like good porn to me. I've never found porn so good that I'd just whack off to it as it was. But there's a small but not tiny collection of erotica-- text, film, pictures-- that works for me in indirect ways. I see it/read it, and think about it, and from the basic idea of it, I form a really hot idea, that's worth getting off to. I don't care that deeply about any of the characters in this book yet, but if it continues like this, there are probably lots of bits of it that will serve extremely well as the foundation for re-imaginings. Which is how I fall asleep at night, so that's valuable. (It's like fanfic, only not nearly so structured, and more focused on dialogues or emotional climaxes. Not necessarily sexual. I make these up constantly and have since before puberty-- just pick your favorite character or set of characters, put them in a situation that gives you the mental tinglies, and run through the scene in your head. That's how I've fallen asleep pretty much every single night since the late 80s, and how I've passed car rides and airplane flights and boring lectures and long solo walks and pretty much any time I'm not too busy doing something else.)
There's no danger I'll plagiarize by accident-- anything I steal, I steal so indirectly that it's unrecognizable to anyone but me-- but we'll see how the rest of this book, and the other two books, goes.
In other considerations, that was an unprecedented review of a book I haven't finished reading. Normally if I start reading something you can't talk to me until it's done, so this is highly unusual. And for anyone wondering, the exercise is going well, except for when I get mildly obsessed and want to go back down to the basement to find out what happens next in the book. I really don't think it's healthy to have more than one workout session in a day.
But it's not that strenuous. I may have to give the bike trainer a slightly negative review, because it does not have adjustable resistance, so I am starting to feel like the pedals don't give me enough resistance. I don't stop after an hour because I'm tired, but instead because my ass hurts so bad I can't stand it anymore. At least I do work up a sweat, and my legs are a little shaky at the end. But really-- I'm fat and out of shape, and I'm already finding an hour of pedaling as fast as I can go not particularly challenging.
I am starting to develop a ravenous appetite, though. Which is usually what happens when I exercise hard. So we'll see. I'm trying not to be an idiot about eating, but since I'm not letting myself try to lose weight (it's a stupid reason to do this, and I am already obsessive enough since reading's involved), I don't want to deny myself food when I'm hungry. I will try to drink water to be sure I'm not eating when I'm thirsty, though, as I know I've done that in the past. I don't have Intuitive Eating down pat yet, so I can't be confident I'm not being an idiot when I decide that my craving for chocolate chips cannot be ignored. (It's usually based much more in my brain's knowledge that there are some in the cupboard than my body's actual need for nutrition.)
Bah. Anyway. I had sort of hoped to be working a bit harder. But it's probably just as well I'm not. Yet.
The bike does seem to be helping my knee pain, so I'm really tentatively psyched about that. I hope it really does. That would be great. Because the knee issues have been starting to come back, and I've got to do something.
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-16 08:24 pm (UTC)As for the legs, mine doesn't have resistance either, so I recommend just biking faster. It works.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-16 08:40 pm (UTC)It's the same way I can't get a decent workout walking, because the only way is for me to walk really fast (I can't jog, it hurts my knees so bad) and I have to constantly pay attention in order to walk that fast.
Unless I'm drunk.
Hm, maybe I'll just start exercise-biking drunk...
no subject
Date: 2008-10-16 08:43 pm (UTC)I'm glad you like my icon! A friend made it for me a few years back, since I like Edward Gorey so much.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-18 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-17 08:50 pm (UTC)I can't speak to the D/s dynamic in the trilogy; I never read past the first one because that's not my kink. Virgin heroes, though, yep!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-21 09:35 pm (UTC)Don't worry about it too much; the suggestions you gave helped immensely, and I'm changing so much right now I'm not sure commentary would be helpful! But if your life ever settles down, do let me know, because I am dying to know what happens to Red Mare and Marcus.)
>Virgin heroes
Mm.
I may have to reread the book because it had more and more elements I ought to like, but I couldn't get into it; the situation may have had a lot to do with that.
But thanks for the reassurance. I'm sort of over the worry at the moment because now I'm too deep into what I was doing. Though now I'm worried about accidentally plagiarizing Martha Wells.
Pff, I just have to write the dang thing, and worry about the rest later.