why does this upset me?

[dragonlady7]

blogging on possibly-stolen wireless from London-- I am so sleepy, but should not sleep, but am sleepy. Anyway.

Went to Rigby & Peller, an excellent lingerie shop, for a really professional and comprehensive fitting. Was extensively manhandled (womanhandled?) by the fitter, who mashed me mercilessly into bras. The verdict?
They did not have anything in the store that would fit me.

This place was recommended to me by a woman, incidentally, who is approximately a 40K. Something really really impressive. I mean, boobs bigger than mine. Bigger than my head. Bigger than... you get the idea; I don't need to go into it, as I've heard all these descriptives rather often.

The problem?

I have a tiny ribcage. Somehow, in a family of Teutonic opera-singer lookalikes, I somehow have some kind of taper from the top of my chest to under my arms, and there's just no bone there. There's nothing to anchor a big bra around. I have this tiny tapering little pear-shaped ribcage, which nips in just under my shoulder blades. And atop it, I have these giant, high-set, close-set lumps of quivering flesh.
In order to properly support them, I need a 32 band.
In order to fully enclose them, I need an I or J up.
I or fucking J.
Which they make.
But not in a 32 back.

The fitter wanted to sell me a 38G, or a 34H, and I could take in the back. (The 34H was in a brand that is generous with the cups.)
For approximately $140.
Apiece.
Bras that don't fit me.
$140.
This is the best that the best lingerie store in London can do for me.

So...
I went to Bravissimo and she put me into a 34H, admitted it was "a bit loose" in the band but I could put it on a tighter hook, right? I couldn't go up a cup size because the underwires were stabbing me in the armpit so there just wasn't room for me to do so. She also admitted that they had almost nothing in stock for me, and advised me that one particular bra probably wouldn't fit but to wear for a special occasion, even if it was "just one day", it would probably be "worth it". [I'd mentioned that I needed a low-cut or plunge bra to go under the dress I brought for the wedding on Saturday.) She was sweet and very honest with me, so I hold nothing against her, and when she saw how upset I was, she quietly suggested Rigby & Peller.
I told her I'd already been there, and she looked sympathetic.

I cried a little when nobody was there. I admit it. It really upset me because I've been fortifying myself against feeling like a freak by clinging to this belief that it's just that American department stores don't stock a wide enough selection of sizes. The fact that no American stores generally carry anything above a DD, but in Britain they have specialty stores expressly for D+, told me that obviously this is an underserved market. And so I had this illusion of normality. If only I could shop in Britain, there they'd tell me the truth, that I'm not that far outside the norm; it's just that the "norm" is skewed by women in ill-fitting bras.

I know when I go off on these rants, small-breasted women often feel like I'm doing some poor-little-rich-kid act. Either that or I'm doing that timeless dance where the privileged whines about how life is hard for them, too. (As in the first few comments on this entry, f'rex.) That's not really what this is about. It's kind of like being blonde-- we don't have more fun, unless we are blonde and also fulfill a long set of other qualifiers. Having big boobs is only cool if they are within a certain acceptable narrow range of sizes. Just as being thin is only great if you are a certain type of thin, with other "acceptable" circumstances. It's all the same thing, it's just facets of the same diamond-cut turd.
And I like my body and happily own it and stuff, and people say all the time how great it is, and all that.
I'm just tired of being so different, so very different. Being able to walk into a store, buy a bra that really fit, and walk out would have made a huge difference to me and I had been looking forward to it for about three years.

That's really all this is about.

I should get my shoes back on and leave my hotel room and go back out and party or something, but I'm really feeling kind of demoralized at the moment. My city on the hill has been proven to have been made of cardboard.

Ehhhhhhh. Whatever. I'm going to drink more and then go to sleep.
At least I got a cute thong on sale. Not that I wear thongs. It's more to decorate my underwear drawer.

Comments

[gasslight.livejournal.com]

Hey, I have a friend who gets custom bras- online, I think. Shall I query her on your behalf?

[kkatowll.livejournal.com]

My god, you are a 32??
I am a 38. And probably should be a 40, but I just cannot face that so I pretend I'm not.

Look, you are not a freak. You are beautiful and it's not your fault you have awesome breasts and an awesomely tapered chest that nobody else gets to enjoy. This is not a body designed for cheap bras, apparently, and I shudder to say it but it seems you'll have to have them custom made. Still. You are awesome. Go out there and party and have a great time knowing I am absolutely DYING because I have to sit in this boring office while you get to be in LONDON!

[heebiejeebie.livejournal.com]

I want to learn to make bras and totally encase your boobs

[frualeydis.livejournal.com]

You didn't find anything to fit you at Bravissinmo? That's a feat, since they have like 28 to very large bands and up to J-cups. But as I've often noticed, it's not just the size, it's the shape and placement of the breasts too. Mine have a wide "base" som sometimes I don't fill the cup on top when I have teh underwire size I request. I had no troubles at Bravissimo though.

/Eva

[alex-beecroft.livejournal.com]

Possibly sounds like a 'make your own' thing. Weren't you gearing up to make corsets at one point? I'm sure bras must be easier than corsets to make, and cheaper to make than to buy at £140!