fashion sense
Feb. 4th, 2008 12:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7I have no fashion sense. I just caught a glimpse of myself in wall-length bathroom mirror. "Wait," I thought, pausing, "is that a man?"
My hair is scraped straight back in a tight bun, I'm wearing a polo shirt and nondescript pants in a too-large size because I'm in so much pain I couldn't face having a waistband with the slightest risk of pinching or chafing, and I was just feeling so sore I put on a very constricting compression sports bra to just squash everything down so nothing jiggled and possibly hurt me. (Yes, I am that sore.)
I look like a woman unsuccessfully and cluelessly cross-dressed. I mean really. Flat shoes, too. I look like a stereotypical movie lesbian [not that kind of movie...]. Middle-aged. Poorly dressed. Incompetently and unconvincingly mannish. It's just... I would say "dyketastic" because that's a funny word, but none of the lesbians I know are remotely this ugly. Dyketastic, to me, means short-shorts and obscene t-shirts, sneakers and really, really cute short haircuts. And maybe emo glasses, depending. Don't hate me for supporting stereotypes. It's a look I can't do.
Anyway. I know that was offensive. I apologize, it's not my best or most-considered writing. I'm just, in short, feeling ugly today.
And my knee hurts like a motherfucking bitch. It feels like a bee stung me right under the knee cap. Please don't post a comment to tell me how bad that is: I know that's bad. That's probably just a little bit more tendon damage. I tried so hard to take it easy yesterday. I really did.
I just want two things at once: I want to take it easy, but I take such pleasure now in exercise, and a contributing factor to joint injuries is high BMI. If I can up my activity levels while keeping my calorie intake low, I can shed a few pounds. I don't want to change body type; despite the doctor attempting to convince me I was 60 pounds overweight, I'm actually usually fairly happy with the way I look. I like having an hourglass-type figure, and I know my family well enough to know that without the fat deposits I have at breast and hip, my waist would not appear small at all. And being a curvy woman is an important part of my self-image. (As evidenced by my unhappiness with my appearance today. I'm wearing a pretty skirt tomorrow, I don't care if the kneebraces stick out from under it and look funny.)
But if I could shed the excess fat and just be overweight with lots of muscle, perhaps that would be easier on my joints. (Do you hear of bodybuilders having overweight-related joint problems? Not often.) I could be 10-15 pounds lighter and still look approximately the same, I think, especially if I do it slowly and mostly by exercising smarter.
I want to keep exercising. I like it. I just have to find out what I'm allowed to do.
The upside of the knee pain means that I'm really not even noticing the rest of the muscle pain left over from a weekend of very intense physical activity.
My hair is scraped straight back in a tight bun, I'm wearing a polo shirt and nondescript pants in a too-large size because I'm in so much pain I couldn't face having a waistband with the slightest risk of pinching or chafing, and I was just feeling so sore I put on a very constricting compression sports bra to just squash everything down so nothing jiggled and possibly hurt me. (Yes, I am that sore.)
I look like a woman unsuccessfully and cluelessly cross-dressed. I mean really. Flat shoes, too. I look like a stereotypical movie lesbian [not that kind of movie...]. Middle-aged. Poorly dressed. Incompetently and unconvincingly mannish. It's just... I would say "dyketastic" because that's a funny word, but none of the lesbians I know are remotely this ugly. Dyketastic, to me, means short-shorts and obscene t-shirts, sneakers and really, really cute short haircuts. And maybe emo glasses, depending. Don't hate me for supporting stereotypes. It's a look I can't do.
Anyway. I know that was offensive. I apologize, it's not my best or most-considered writing. I'm just, in short, feeling ugly today.
And my knee hurts like a motherfucking bitch. It feels like a bee stung me right under the knee cap. Please don't post a comment to tell me how bad that is: I know that's bad. That's probably just a little bit more tendon damage. I tried so hard to take it easy yesterday. I really did.
I just want two things at once: I want to take it easy, but I take such pleasure now in exercise, and a contributing factor to joint injuries is high BMI. If I can up my activity levels while keeping my calorie intake low, I can shed a few pounds. I don't want to change body type; despite the doctor attempting to convince me I was 60 pounds overweight, I'm actually usually fairly happy with the way I look. I like having an hourglass-type figure, and I know my family well enough to know that without the fat deposits I have at breast and hip, my waist would not appear small at all. And being a curvy woman is an important part of my self-image. (As evidenced by my unhappiness with my appearance today. I'm wearing a pretty skirt tomorrow, I don't care if the kneebraces stick out from under it and look funny.)
But if I could shed the excess fat and just be overweight with lots of muscle, perhaps that would be easier on my joints. (Do you hear of bodybuilders having overweight-related joint problems? Not often.) I could be 10-15 pounds lighter and still look approximately the same, I think, especially if I do it slowly and mostly by exercising smarter.
I want to keep exercising. I like it. I just have to find out what I'm allowed to do.
The upside of the knee pain means that I'm really not even noticing the rest of the muscle pain left over from a weekend of very intense physical activity.
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no subject
Date: 2008-02-04 08:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-04 09:01 pm (UTC)I am not anything-tastic today except maybe grouch-tastic. Nothing is going well. And I feel ugly. And I want to go home and take a really long bath and spend the rest of the day in bed.
no subject
Date: 2008-02-05 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-06 01:53 am (UTC)it's the only way to make it bearable