(no subject)

[dragonlady7]

What was I doing? I don't even know. Whatever.

Oy I am fat. New Bravissimo catalog came out via email: front page is this beautiful creature. I want it. I want it so bad. I go to the Buy This Expensive Thing page. It's only 24 quid, which is better than some of the extravagances I've treated myself to. I go to look at the sizes.
Ohhh denied: it only goes up to a G.
I am wearing one of my two GGs today. It seems… well, there's extra boob there, up at the top.

Jesus Christ, what with the season change and it's colder than a witch's tits here and I have all this Halloween candy, and I went on a date last week instead of one practice, felt sick at the other so I didn't skate, last night we had a PR/Production Committee meeting at practice so I didn't skate…
I have never done this but I'm seriously considering adopting a really restricted diet. Like, we're talking, making food in predetermined portions and prepackaging them and not allowing myself to eat anything else.
This would be easier if Z weren't such a good cook and didn't love food so much and make such good food all the time. If I lived alone I'd probably subsist on wild rice and random whole grain fad diet shit with cheese grated on top, and microwaved frozen peas. And binges of M&Ms and peanut butter. (I might even eat Twinkies without Z's intervention, but he won't stand for them. But mostly I'd eat really boring shit.)

I actually think I look fine, and some of my muscle tone is coming back from last season, but my fucking boobs-- Christ Almighty, I will *not* be an H! That's just too far into the alphabet. FF is freakishly cute. G is like, Wow, I'm serious now. But it still has kind of a fun-loving side. Yay, my fun G-rated funbags! Or something.
H is just getting to the point where people assume you're kidding.
Also more and more I'm realizing that people see me as That Busty Chick, and I know that's always been true but I’m a tad body-dysmorphic (who isn't?) and had kind of been in denial. We were discussing last night how we could get a real sports announcer to come do our bouts, and someone suggested Rick Jeanerette (Sabres' legendary radio announcer). "I'm sure he's not busy," I said, rolling my eyes. "Oh," the Productions committee head said, "B can just show him her tits."
I laughed, because it was hilarious. But now I'm wondering if people make jokes about my boobs because it's funny, or freakish.
Are they really that ridiculous?
Z assures me they are, and he Appreciates them, but man.
Oy. I don't mean to whine about it, I'm just attempting to adjust my perceptions to fit reality, which is futile so I don't know why I bother trying. I've never had much aptitude for keeping track of the real world…

Meanwhile I read a story saying the price of milk was rising as rapidly as the price of oil, due in part to the rise in price of corn and the increased demand for all commodities as more of the world's population became less crushingly poor. There are Too Damn Many People In The World.
But we knew that.
I'm thinking I need to start a subsistence farm. I'll make my living that way. Yeah. That's a better way of going about it.

I have no attention span today. I keep getting interrupted and then can't think of what I was doing to begin with. I am so inefficient, and disorganized. I can't do projects, I can only process things in the moment.
I need a few days off. I have a few days, at Thanksgiving. I am so absurdly excited about Thanksgiving.
I just gotta make it that long.

The draft is this Sunday. I will have new teammates this Sunday. OMG. OMG.

I am probably going to go skating tonight. It's Open Skate, and I can get some miles on my wheels. I hope. I hope I don't feel too lazy when the time comes. I need a good virtuous feeling. And my knees hurt when I don't exercise.

Comments

[kkatowll.livejournal.com]

I like your breasts. I don't think they're ridiculous.