disinteresting

[dragonlady7]

This morning Z came in after his shower to tell me how he'd had a dream that we'd moved to California because I was going to school there. And his sister was just moving out of her apartment, so we moved into it. It was part of a big house. We moved in, then I went to school, and then his mom left to go home. And when she left, she left us her elderly cat and dog, which she hadn't ever said she'd be leaving us. And when his sister left, she left us a whole lot of her books she didn't want anymore. And there was all kinds of stuff in the apartment that belonged to the landlord, who lived upstairs, and it was unclear what rooms were part of the apartment and what were meant to be his rooms.
So there's Z, by himself, with a nervous and ancient somewhat-incontinent dog, and a grumpy old cat, and all this stuff, and he doesn't know what's what, and I'm at school. Then the landlord comes home, and is all, "Who are you?" and Z's all, "Who are you?" and they sort it out eventually, but the landlord is totally the kind of guy who stands there and quietly judges you, and doesn't say anything. So there's the dog, all nervous, and he eyes her and obviously doesn't like her, and judges us on it, but doesn't say anything.
I get home from work and there's a series of sitting rooms on the front of the house, with big doors closing them off, and Z doesn't know if they're ours or not, but I go and am hanging out in them, and the doors make noise when you open or close them, and Z is anguished by knowing that upstairs, the landlord can hear us opening the doors, and he's judging us.
Then we realize the dog hasn't been fed all day, and also we don't have any dog food, and also we have no idea where in the neighborhood the store is, so we don't know where to get the dog food, and also: people in California drive crazy.


Meanwhile I was having a dream. See, the king and his wife were having some problems, probably relating to her childlessness but I'm not sure if that was really the issue or if I kind of retconned that into the dream from a fanfic I wrote once. Not sure.
Anyway. They had some communication issues too. He was basically a nice guy, but kind of missed details sometimes. And she was basically a good woman, but she kind of tended to internalize stuff, so she'd take things real personally.
They were having this big dinner, and it left a big mess, and there was this one pot, this big old bronze serving dish kinda thing-- round, had handles, decorated, but fairly modest all told and kind of old and a little battered. And it had something in it that had just gotten all over it, and it was caked on, and a horrible mess. And the king looked at it and said, "Eh, it's probably not worth cleaning it. We'll throw it out."
But it was something the queen had brought to the marriage, something I forget the details of but it was really important. So she didn't say anything, but left the room completely convinced that he wanted to divorce her.
I started to wake up at this point but didn't want to because that idiot had to realize what he'd said! I don't think I was even a character in this dream, though. So some other character pulled the king aside and whispered to him that the queen was really upset.
And here's the part that makes me realize it's fantasy: the king realizes immediately what he's done, and goes to her and knows just what to say to patch things up. Because that happens, in real life. But I woke up and they were all smoochy and making out in the hall and all, which was pleasantly sentimental and gooey and all, and so I was in quite a good mood to hear Z's tale of oddness and mayhem.
His dreams always involve chaos like that, of things going wrong and him just not knowing what to do. Which is funny, as in real life he's always perfectly competent at handling situations, at least the ones I haven't already headed off. ;)


I am still sort of trapped in unreality, but not unpleasantly. I hope I can make something of today. I've been plagued since last week with a persistent feeling of unreality, of waiting for something to happen that doesn't exist. I have had no problem in fulfilling all my obligations, but during my free time I feel somewhat lost, as if I'm supposed to be somewhere, or as if I had had plans before but have forgotten them and don't know how to make new ones.
V. irritating. It also makes me not very interesting to read about. And makes the things I write not terribly interesting. But I do have the whole next section of the Barbarians Novel rewrite worked out. I am just wondering when I'm going to be able to start reusing what I've already written instead of almost completely rewording everything, but it seems that all the stuff I had, that I'd polished so hard, that was so "good", was actually crap.

I definitely, in my next novel, need much earlier intervention in seeing where the plot is going. I need help with plots. I need to find out how people find help for plots. Because I have now wasted three years of my life on a novel that I didn't discover the plot to until, like, this month. I can't afford this kind of time anymore. Three fucking years and I'm only just figuring out what parts of the plot I need. And I am rewriting the entire book almost from the ground up. For a fourth time.
Ridiculous.
But, looking back, I cannot see anywhere that I went wrong. I did the best I could at the time. Maybe I've taught myself to plot?
But there's a question mark on the end of that sentence because I really don't know if I'd do any better with a new book. The first drafts are always *almost* right, but in order to make them actually right, I have to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite. And there are no shortcuts?
I need help.

Comments

[galadhir.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm struggling with plotting at the moment. My previous experience is that I write blind for about 5 chapters, by which time I have an idea of where things are going, and then I write a rough synopsis and stick with it. This time I plotted everything from the start, but now I keep wanting to change it, and fiddling with the plot is taking the place of actually writing. I'm half inclined to go back to the 'just write and worry about the story later' method, because although it was more labour intensive I did actually end up with something in the end.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I have a very similar method-- actually I often write blind for about 3000 words, then I'll come up with a synopsis-- sometimes I have a synopsis first but it usually has no bearing on what I wind up writing. And then I write for a while, and then I come up with an outline, and then I write a while longer, and realize I've left the outline far behind, and...
The part of my brain that instinctively tells me what happens next absolutely will not speak to the part of my brain that has the master plan, and the part of my brain that has the master plan is pretty stupid anyway and has dumb ideas. It is always left behind, and the instinctive part that actually does the writing is way ahead of it doing things that make sense. So it tries to put a framework onto it, because I used to not bother with the framework and then I'd get half-million-word-long epics in which nothing happened but the dialogue and situations were fascinating. But the framework isn't organic and doesn't actually necessarily have the slightest bit of relationship to what's really true within the story.

It's very frustrating and I don't know what to do at all.

Did you ever post the rest of that story? I wanted to know what happened to the little boy.

[galadhir.livejournal.com]

Have you ever tried that 'plotting using scenecards' technique? - where you write down the scenes that are in your head and arrange them into an order, then write more scenecards to link them, and eventually end up with a synopsis before ever starting to write. It sounds like a good idea, but I don't know if my brain can work that way. I tried it with the murder mystery, but all it ended up doing was to make me not want to write it at all.

*g* Change of plans on 'The Witch's Boy' - I've decided to try publishing it again, and if that doesn't work out to self-publish it through Lulu. So I'll probably have to take down what's on my website, rather than posting the rest of it. Sorry!

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

My problem is that even if I outline a scene in great detail, by the time I get to writing that scene, that is *not* what will happen.
I can't really write without writing full-out.
I've tried all kinds of things. I can't do synopses.

Not that I know what the hell to do...


Muh! Guh! Are you sure you don't want it beta-read one more time? *flings self shamelessly*

Oh well! Put me down for a copy, then, wherever it comes out.

[galadhir.livejournal.com]

I can usually manage to stick with a synopsis as long as it's vague enough; 'Chapter 1 - Aidan finds an alien artifact on the moon' kind of vague. It's just enough to plot out the story, but not so much that there's no room for making things up on the fly. Anything more than that and I start to feel too constrained. But if just writing and writing and re-writing works and nothing else does, then thats what you have to do!

*g* Thank you! If it ever does, you'll be the first to know. And if it doesn't, I'll post the rest of it then :)