Today was sort of– I can’t say it was
Mar. 2nd, 2016 03:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/1LvItKU:
Today was sort of– I can’t say it was hellish because I’m sure that doesn’t do justice to hell, and I must save my hyperbole for when something is truly terrible. But it wasn’t a good day.
I was making good progress last night on the Novel Nobody Asked For (which is at this point an affectionate nickname, in case that wasn’t clear)– I’m up to the thrilling climax and there was a plot twist I didn’t expect and my id is fucking wallowing in it, okay, if you are a fan of the awful-er aspects of my work this is definitely up that alley.
Look, I don’t write high literature, okay? I absent-mindedly tend to think I’m pretty fancy but I’m not. Someone once described my shit as “id-tastic” and they weren’t wrong. I don’t mean to, it just happens. Okay?
But today was awful, and I gave up on meaningful progress on anything, and nearly cried from Too Much Fucking Noise In My Earholes, which is a thing. And at one point, half-delirious, I typed out a post on my phone, and gave up trying to proofread it, and posted it. And of course it got reblogged by the estimable powerhouse, mr badge of copper, and has two hundred notes in the last four hours and makes it sound like I’ve never written a novel before.
(I have. I’ve written several. I’ve actually been writing longer than senor badge, all respect due. But to be fair, I did ask a question, and he answered it. Kindly. I’m just. Yes. My point was, if your crit is based on a rule, that is some shit. Arrest me. Okay I’ve just had rather a lot of homemade vanilla vodka so perhaps I am more belligerent than is advisable.) Hear me out though. Rules are not meant to be broken exactly, but rules don’t get you all that far. If you are breaking a rule, you should know what you’re doing, but if you think I don’t know about a rule that I’m breaking?
Listen. Listen. This is not my first rodeo. Okay. I once wrote a novel, threw it away, rewrote it in first person, expressly to throw it away again so I could rewrite it in third person again. That is how I taught myself the 3rd per close POV because I decided that was how I would write.It was a 300,000 word novel. This was 2003. This is not my first rodeo.
The worst part, though, is that people probably think the post is about them, and that was not what I meant, and I ought to have specified, I only posted it at all because the person who made the note is not a Tumblr person, she is an RL person who I cannot get to respond to me by any means (she is a busy mother of a young child okay, i get this, but i could not get a direct clarification). So no, if you are reading this, it wasn’t you. And even that note was helpful, because it has made me think. But as with anything, it also made me doubt a lot of things, and that was not good on a day like today. C’est la vie! C’est a lot of homemade vanilla vodka.
(Not totally homemade. The distilling experiments are on hold until the weather stops fucking sucking donkey balls. My house’s door is frozen shut just now, this is some shit.)
The only thing I know how to do is POV. It is the only thing. I have not yet thrown away a novel three times to learn pacing. I no longer have that kind of patience or zeal. It is all a learning process. But POV is the one thing you cannot fuck with me about, not with any expectation of success. So it’s just really funny that my ill-considered hasty post on that is what’s getting passed around.
(My hands have been super cold for about two weeks relentlessly and that is also some shit. I’ve always had bad circulation but I can’t feel my fucking fingers, I am sick of this.)
In a weak moment today I gave myself over to browsing the more idtastic portions of Tumblr, and so I let myself write more of, and maybe I’ll someday actually post, the Poe/Hux thing, which isn’t slash yet mostly because one of them is actively dying, but may become porn if I let my baser nature take over. (I feel like Hux would not be deterred overmuch by organ damage.) (Actually Hux is refusing to be inhuman for me. I might be doing it wrong.) (Don’t worry, Ren will show up, surely.) (There’s a lot of philosophical debate? This is not how I meant to do it. Idtastic, perhaps, but not PWP, it seems to elude me.)
I then tried to find Jesus, and opened a document and titled it Fluff and had Rey try on Poe’s helmet and be cute. And instantly, BB-8 started texting her filthy filthy suggestions through the comm interface, which Poe was shocked by and she was super into. And so that one also did not turn out to be something I could work on at work.
I can’t really do tooth-rotting fluff. I try.
I then dove deep into the oscar isaac tag and found some phenomenal musings on how badly Poe Dameron needs his hair pulled and his face slapped. And found some fic! To my immense gratification. Not that kind of gratification, but maybe on a reread. Oh hush. I’ve had a lot of vodka. (I made up a drink I’m calling the Beige Russian because it’s not really a White Russian and there’s milk in it so it’s not a Black Russian but if you use vanilla vodka and Patron Cafe con Cocoa it’s decidedly beige. LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I AM A BARTENDING LEGEND. I should have written that in that meme. Only I think it’s not a secret. I am hellaciously good at this. My twenties were well-spent.)
But here, I’m going to share my generous headcanon with you: Finn and Poe only have sweet, charming, beautiful if perhaps athletic sex, sunshine and flowers and angel choirs and all, and Finn and Rey have similarly beautiful if perhaps edgier sex, maybe with some wrists being pinned against things, but Rey absolutely makes Poe cry, leaves marks, pulls his hair and slaps him and most of the time doesn’t even touch him below the neck, leaves him bruised and wrung-out and an absolute mess. (Today I first heard the word “crymax”, which I’d only previously encountered as “crygasm”, but yes.)
And yes, that last bit is in the novel.
(Look at him. Toga or no, he knows what’s coming. Oh shit, buddy. Oh man this is only funnier the more that gif loops.)
I had one more point to make but it is completely gone now. I’m hypnotized by that gif. I’m done here. Good night.
Today was sort of– I can’t say it was hellish because I’m sure that doesn’t do justice to hell, and I must save my hyperbole for when something is truly terrible. But it wasn’t a good day.
I was making good progress last night on the Novel Nobody Asked For (which is at this point an affectionate nickname, in case that wasn’t clear)– I’m up to the thrilling climax and there was a plot twist I didn’t expect and my id is fucking wallowing in it, okay, if you are a fan of the awful-er aspects of my work this is definitely up that alley.
Look, I don’t write high literature, okay? I absent-mindedly tend to think I’m pretty fancy but I’m not. Someone once described my shit as “id-tastic” and they weren’t wrong. I don’t mean to, it just happens. Okay?
But today was awful, and I gave up on meaningful progress on anything, and nearly cried from Too Much Fucking Noise In My Earholes, which is a thing. And at one point, half-delirious, I typed out a post on my phone, and gave up trying to proofread it, and posted it. And of course it got reblogged by the estimable powerhouse, mr badge of copper, and has two hundred notes in the last four hours and makes it sound like I’ve never written a novel before.
(I have. I’ve written several. I’ve actually been writing longer than senor badge, all respect due. But to be fair, I did ask a question, and he answered it. Kindly. I’m just. Yes. My point was, if your crit is based on a rule, that is some shit. Arrest me. Okay I’ve just had rather a lot of homemade vanilla vodka so perhaps I am more belligerent than is advisable.) Hear me out though. Rules are not meant to be broken exactly, but rules don’t get you all that far. If you are breaking a rule, you should know what you’re doing, but if you think I don’t know about a rule that I’m breaking?
Listen. Listen. This is not my first rodeo. Okay. I once wrote a novel, threw it away, rewrote it in first person, expressly to throw it away again so I could rewrite it in third person again. That is how I taught myself the 3rd per close POV because I decided that was how I would write.It was a 300,000 word novel. This was 2003. This is not my first rodeo.
The worst part, though, is that people probably think the post is about them, and that was not what I meant, and I ought to have specified, I only posted it at all because the person who made the note is not a Tumblr person, she is an RL person who I cannot get to respond to me by any means (she is a busy mother of a young child okay, i get this, but i could not get a direct clarification). So no, if you are reading this, it wasn’t you. And even that note was helpful, because it has made me think. But as with anything, it also made me doubt a lot of things, and that was not good on a day like today. C’est la vie! C’est a lot of homemade vanilla vodka.
(Not totally homemade. The distilling experiments are on hold until the weather stops fucking sucking donkey balls. My house’s door is frozen shut just now, this is some shit.)
The only thing I know how to do is POV. It is the only thing. I have not yet thrown away a novel three times to learn pacing. I no longer have that kind of patience or zeal. It is all a learning process. But POV is the one thing you cannot fuck with me about, not with any expectation of success. So it’s just really funny that my ill-considered hasty post on that is what’s getting passed around.
(My hands have been super cold for about two weeks relentlessly and that is also some shit. I’ve always had bad circulation but I can’t feel my fucking fingers, I am sick of this.)
In a weak moment today I gave myself over to browsing the more idtastic portions of Tumblr, and so I let myself write more of, and maybe I’ll someday actually post, the Poe/Hux thing, which isn’t slash yet mostly because one of them is actively dying, but may become porn if I let my baser nature take over. (I feel like Hux would not be deterred overmuch by organ damage.) (Actually Hux is refusing to be inhuman for me. I might be doing it wrong.) (Don’t worry, Ren will show up, surely.) (There’s a lot of philosophical debate? This is not how I meant to do it. Idtastic, perhaps, but not PWP, it seems to elude me.)
I then tried to find Jesus, and opened a document and titled it Fluff and had Rey try on Poe’s helmet and be cute. And instantly, BB-8 started texting her filthy filthy suggestions through the comm interface, which Poe was shocked by and she was super into. And so that one also did not turn out to be something I could work on at work.
I can’t really do tooth-rotting fluff. I try.
I then dove deep into the oscar isaac tag and found some phenomenal musings on how badly Poe Dameron needs his hair pulled and his face slapped. And found some fic! To my immense gratification. Not that kind of gratification, but maybe on a reread. Oh hush. I’ve had a lot of vodka. (I made up a drink I’m calling the Beige Russian because it’s not really a White Russian and there’s milk in it so it’s not a Black Russian but if you use vanilla vodka and Patron Cafe con Cocoa it’s decidedly beige. LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I AM A BARTENDING LEGEND. I should have written that in that meme. Only I think it’s not a secret. I am hellaciously good at this. My twenties were well-spent.)
But here, I’m going to share my generous headcanon with you: Finn and Poe only have sweet, charming, beautiful if perhaps athletic sex, sunshine and flowers and angel choirs and all, and Finn and Rey have similarly beautiful if perhaps edgier sex, maybe with some wrists being pinned against things, but Rey absolutely makes Poe cry, leaves marks, pulls his hair and slaps him and most of the time doesn’t even touch him below the neck, leaves him bruised and wrung-out and an absolute mess. (Today I first heard the word “crymax”, which I’d only previously encountered as “crygasm”, but yes.)
And yes, that last bit is in the novel.
(Look at him. Toga or no, he knows what’s coming. Oh shit, buddy. Oh man this is only funnier the more that gif loops.)
I had one more point to make but it is completely gone now. I’m hypnotized by that gif. I’m done here. Good night.
