he shouted "No!" and ran.
Jun. 26th, 2006 11:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7Comments appreciated on the post about weddings, but I'd like to point out a couple things.
1) My point was, at my stage of life, a wedding would be kind of a pointless cave-in to societal norms.
2) I determined that the reasons I would have to get married would mostly be due to external pressures that I don't really want to give the satisfaction. So, no, I don't really secretly want to.
3) That doesn't mean that society doesn't have a perfect right to make me feel like shit for not conforming to expecations. It does what it does, which is what makes it what it is.
4) But I have a zillion other things that require my attention, which is why I return to my primary point in the entry: Now is not the time.
and 5) I'm still (I hesitate to admit this but it's the keystone of my logic so i have to) not seeing where it would make a difference. It's a committed relationship, we've invested a lot of time and effort into it, we put considerations for one another first in most things, etc., and have done for four years now, and I still don't see how we'd be helped by, at this point, making a bigger deal of it.
So I'm feeling rather miserable this morning, which was sort of not the point of that essay (in fact it was pretty much the opposite of the point of it), but, you know, I'll join the Secret Club Of Married People Who Have Better Relationships some other time, once I have worked through all the other shit I have to do first. Z is resolutely unhelpful in this matter, and posted his own essay in response wherein he said I'd missed the point, and then spent the whole essay off on a tangent. So I'm still trying to figure out how what any of he said was relevant, and can't.
At any rate, everyone means well, I'm sure, and I thank people for taking the trouble to tell me what I'm missing, but I'm not managing to absorb it properly. I have a pinched nerve in my back/neck/shoulder again, and it's very painful, and I started off the morning trying to be cheerful and productive but I'm out of gas and it's only 11 and I didn't get anything done yet.
I opened this to blog about something else entirely but, of course, have forgotten what, as I am nothing if not completely mentally useless today.
Oh wow, a goldfinch just landed a few feet away outside.... Pretty! I guess that's something. He's over in the fence now, checking stuff out. Goldfinches are so cute.
And I forgot to mention-- the clematis Katy got me is blooming, a perfect purple that matches the petunias.
1) My point was, at my stage of life, a wedding would be kind of a pointless cave-in to societal norms.
2) I determined that the reasons I would have to get married would mostly be due to external pressures that I don't really want to give the satisfaction. So, no, I don't really secretly want to.
3) That doesn't mean that society doesn't have a perfect right to make me feel like shit for not conforming to expecations. It does what it does, which is what makes it what it is.
4) But I have a zillion other things that require my attention, which is why I return to my primary point in the entry: Now is not the time.
and 5) I'm still (I hesitate to admit this but it's the keystone of my logic so i have to) not seeing where it would make a difference. It's a committed relationship, we've invested a lot of time and effort into it, we put considerations for one another first in most things, etc., and have done for four years now, and I still don't see how we'd be helped by, at this point, making a bigger deal of it.
So I'm feeling rather miserable this morning, which was sort of not the point of that essay (in fact it was pretty much the opposite of the point of it), but, you know, I'll join the Secret Club Of Married People Who Have Better Relationships some other time, once I have worked through all the other shit I have to do first. Z is resolutely unhelpful in this matter, and posted his own essay in response wherein he said I'd missed the point, and then spent the whole essay off on a tangent. So I'm still trying to figure out how what any of he said was relevant, and can't.
At any rate, everyone means well, I'm sure, and I thank people for taking the trouble to tell me what I'm missing, but I'm not managing to absorb it properly. I have a pinched nerve in my back/neck/shoulder again, and it's very painful, and I started off the morning trying to be cheerful and productive but I'm out of gas and it's only 11 and I didn't get anything done yet.
I opened this to blog about something else entirely but, of course, have forgotten what, as I am nothing if not completely mentally useless today.
Oh wow, a goldfinch just landed a few feet away outside.... Pretty! I guess that's something. He's over in the fence now, checking stuff out. Goldfinches are so cute.
And I forgot to mention-- the clematis Katy got me is blooming, a perfect purple that matches the petunias.
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My two cents.
Date: 2006-06-26 04:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-26 05:18 pm (UTC)Mainly I'd like to get married because I'd like Trevor to actually say --and dare I hope, say it with meaning -- that he'd love me forever and get through all obstacles with me. Of course I know such a vow is meaningless -- how can somebody know what they'll do or feel for the rest of their life? But it'd be nice to know he wanted it to be that way.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-26 06:40 pm (UTC)On all counts.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-26 06:44 pm (UTC)"You're extremely adequate," he says.
I'll take it.
The right time
Date: 2006-06-26 10:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-26 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-27 06:03 pm (UTC)I wasn't saying, "Hey, f-list, I don't think I should get married, but I could get talked into it."
I was saying, "Hey, f-list, I'm not married and people are trying to make me feel bad about it. Here's why I think they're wrong."
If I do make a post like the former (which I may well do as things progress; I have never said I'd never get married; quite the opposite), then by all means, I would love your perspective.
But this was very much the latter. My family, RL friends, coworkers, and peers, are all saying, "You need to get married, what's wrong with you that you aren't?" I'm getting a little unhappy about it.
Having the Internet agree with them was, in hindsight, not exactly unexpected, but I really hadn't thought about it, so I wasn't prepared. And yes, it made me feel pretty lousy. It's not just you, certainly; I'm not blaming you. In fact if it was just you I probably would have had a lot more interest in dialogue.
But please notice-- it wasn't me who came up with the Secret Married Club-- it was another unmarried friend my age. We're very much feeling this, regardless of anything you personally said. The world is kind of against us, and we are by no means sure enough in our rebellion not to really let that get us down sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-27 05:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-27 06:04 pm (UTC)Thank you. That was a nice thing to say.