*dies in heap*

[dragonlady7]

Item: My idle musings on the nature of fictional sex got reposted in some meta community. I should go find out what that's about. I was actually going to make that post funnier, and go on a bit about how much more likely I am to have porno sex than romance novel sex, but I didn't, and I'm surprised other people actually found it worth discussing. I should go back and reply to comments. *is knocked over by feather*

Item that made me update just now: I got the car today figuring I'd do some preliminary poking around the World Of Shopping to start seeing what on earth I could do about the various things I need to buy.

I can't shop alone. Before I'd even pulled into the parking lot I'd begun to question whether I was smart enough to make any kind of decision on my own. I walked into the store thinking that anyone who saw me would know I was a fraud, not a person who would be able to actually select and purchase something.
I went to JoAnn Fabrics to look at fabric and patterns. Mom's visiting, maybe she'd help me make a dress. Also I want to make a slipcover for the new couch we're getting. (More on that later.) But I looked at the upholstery fabrics and none of them meant anything to me, and then I looked at dress patterns and every one I thought I liked, I looked at and imagined my mother saying "that would never work on you" and couldn't decide whether she'd be right or not. I thought about getting an employee to help me figure out what to buy-- I found a nice pattern that said "easy", but then I thought that it would probably look awful on me, so I put it back. And left the store.

Then I didn't know what to do, so I went to Target since it was right there and the HR lady at work said you could find good black pants for work there. I looked, and didn't see anything like black pants, although they had a lot of stretch capri jeans, which are perfectly useless. I admired the clever boys' t-shirts, looked (again fruitlessly) for blue bathroom accessories (for two years now I've been trying to find some, and have turned up empty, so still have a chipped plastic green-and-yellow tumbler I got in college with a matching toothbrush holder with plastic frogs floating in the base), and finally left without buying anything, feeling like a fruitcake.

I then went to the garden center, because it was on the way home and surely I'd find something there that didn't threaten my femininity. But instead I was just overwhelmed with realizations of what an incompetent gardener I am and how ugly my house is and how my neighbors are so justified in hating me and also my yard is an irredeemable mess.

So I've come home and am psyching myself up to go out to lunch with Z. I can do that. I can buy food and eat it. That is one thing I am smart at.

Ugh!!!! This is why I never go shopping and, indeed, so seldom leave the house.

Comments

[kkatowll.livejournal.com]

Oh. :( :( :(

Don't let things rattle you so much. My advice: Go out and buy something to wear and just wear it. Don't listen to people. Don't analyze it. Just wear it.

[lenine2.livejournal.com]

Wow, I thought I was the only one who had those shopping experiences. I can totally relate to everything except the garden center. How can you say you're an incompetent gardener? You started plants from seeds, for crying out loud. And I've seen the photos you've posted of your house and, frankly, I have a bit of envy.

Your neighbors need to be locked up somewhere far away.

[mother2012.livejournal.com]

Nonononononononono!!! Trust yourself more. You are soooo not incompetent.