pondering fictional relationships
May. 22nd, 2006 05:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7I haven't had a good posting binge in a while. Time to rack up the posts today, it seems.
I am sad that nobody thinks my astronaut is funny. I thought I was funny.
I'm getting really excited about the Sabres game tonight, which is bad, as I have no way of getting out to see it. Z has the car and I don't really want to go to either of the bars on my street, as one fired me and the other is a geriatric ward. I'll stay home and wait for Z; he'll be late tonight, but maybe he'll have some idea?
If anyone else is watching the game tonight, keep an eye out for the animated Sabres logo-- it's blue and gold and spins around. One of Z's coworkers made that. It's on his demo reel. I'd link to it, but the server's down. Oh dear. (I just pinged an IM at Z to ask him what was up but his screenname vanished at the same time, which suggests dire things about their Internet status. I despair of having him home this evening.)
And now, the meat of the post.
It came to me, as I was lying in bed under all my blankets being an idle sloven (why, yes, I have been useless today, why do you ask?), that the relationships my characters have in fiction are very different than the relationships I have in real life. I was composing a sex scene, in my head-- while that sounds dirty, it will eventually be a pivotal scene in the book, and yes I usually compose the first drafts of such scenes in bed in my head.
I was working out the basic content of the scene-- not so much who puts what where, as who says what and reponds how. And it crossed my mind how unlike real life the whole thing was. My sex scenes are realistic, I flatter myself: they aren't all blissful, airbrushed climax-fests with seamless choreography and perfectly-timed, er, punctuation. I'm not exactly Ms. Hyperreality, but I do try at least to make what my characters are having recognizably sex, as opposed to the odd alien physical mind-meld some romance novels call "making love".
(A subject for another post, or perhaps for a comment thread, would be to debate how much realism is good in sex scenes. Should characters fake orgasms, or fall asleep mid-act, or accidentally knee their partner in the balls, etc? Should bellies make embarrassing slapping noises against each other, and knees slip off beds, and breasts be uncomfortably squashed? Or do those things detract from the scene too much, and distract from the story? How much humanity and realism is really beneficial?)
But it's the emotions that really throw me. I can't keep my characters from being gooshy. I mean really, in real life, how much of the time while you are actually having sex do you spend thinking, "I love so and so! My heart is full with love!"
But writing about a character in mid-act who is not thinking along those lines always comes across as... not unrealistic, but much colder than the story can usually support. I have written a few sex scenes wherein the POV character is distracted, most recently a male whose attention is increasingly taken up by how much their position is hurting his arms, but even that is kept to a minimum.
Would you enjoy a sex scene where the inner monologue was more realistic? Ooh, that's nice. Shit, I just knocked something over. Was it the vase Mom gave me? Shit, she'll kill me. I wonder if he'd notice if I looked. Ow. "Oh yes, yes, baby, like that. Give it to me." Shit, I bet it was the vase. Ow. A little more to the left-- oh, don't bite my ear. Not the biting. "Ooh." Turn your head. Yes. Like that. That's better. I wonder if I should tell him that biting my ear is gross. Shit, it was the vase. She's going to-- oh fuck, I didn't call her for mother's day, did I? She's probably pissed. I'd better-- Oh! Oh hey-- I like that-- yes I do. Oh yes I do. "Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah!" Oh-- no, wait, not yet! Dammit.
I dunno. The answer, as with most things, is probably somewhere in the middle. Actual human sex with reasonably real people is nice, but not bad sex between crude slobs with short attention spans and no positive emotions.
But what's sort of funny about it all is that I think I'm much more likely to have porno sex than romance novel sex. Porno sex is fun. Romance novel sex--- I wouldn't know where to start.
I am sad that nobody thinks my astronaut is funny. I thought I was funny.
I'm getting really excited about the Sabres game tonight, which is bad, as I have no way of getting out to see it. Z has the car and I don't really want to go to either of the bars on my street, as one fired me and the other is a geriatric ward. I'll stay home and wait for Z; he'll be late tonight, but maybe he'll have some idea?
If anyone else is watching the game tonight, keep an eye out for the animated Sabres logo-- it's blue and gold and spins around. One of Z's coworkers made that. It's on his demo reel. I'd link to it, but the server's down. Oh dear. (I just pinged an IM at Z to ask him what was up but his screenname vanished at the same time, which suggests dire things about their Internet status. I despair of having him home this evening.)
And now, the meat of the post.
It came to me, as I was lying in bed under all my blankets being an idle sloven (why, yes, I have been useless today, why do you ask?), that the relationships my characters have in fiction are very different than the relationships I have in real life. I was composing a sex scene, in my head-- while that sounds dirty, it will eventually be a pivotal scene in the book, and yes I usually compose the first drafts of such scenes in bed in my head.
I was working out the basic content of the scene-- not so much who puts what where, as who says what and reponds how. And it crossed my mind how unlike real life the whole thing was. My sex scenes are realistic, I flatter myself: they aren't all blissful, airbrushed climax-fests with seamless choreography and perfectly-timed, er, punctuation. I'm not exactly Ms. Hyperreality, but I do try at least to make what my characters are having recognizably sex, as opposed to the odd alien physical mind-meld some romance novels call "making love".
(A subject for another post, or perhaps for a comment thread, would be to debate how much realism is good in sex scenes. Should characters fake orgasms, or fall asleep mid-act, or accidentally knee their partner in the balls, etc? Should bellies make embarrassing slapping noises against each other, and knees slip off beds, and breasts be uncomfortably squashed? Or do those things detract from the scene too much, and distract from the story? How much humanity and realism is really beneficial?)
But it's the emotions that really throw me. I can't keep my characters from being gooshy. I mean really, in real life, how much of the time while you are actually having sex do you spend thinking, "I love so and so! My heart is full with love!"
But writing about a character in mid-act who is not thinking along those lines always comes across as... not unrealistic, but much colder than the story can usually support. I have written a few sex scenes wherein the POV character is distracted, most recently a male whose attention is increasingly taken up by how much their position is hurting his arms, but even that is kept to a minimum.
Would you enjoy a sex scene where the inner monologue was more realistic? Ooh, that's nice. Shit, I just knocked something over. Was it the vase Mom gave me? Shit, she'll kill me. I wonder if he'd notice if I looked. Ow. "Oh yes, yes, baby, like that. Give it to me." Shit, I bet it was the vase. Ow. A little more to the left-- oh, don't bite my ear. Not the biting. "Ooh." Turn your head. Yes. Like that. That's better. I wonder if I should tell him that biting my ear is gross. Shit, it was the vase. She's going to-- oh fuck, I didn't call her for mother's day, did I? She's probably pissed. I'd better-- Oh! Oh hey-- I like that-- yes I do. Oh yes I do. "Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah!" Oh-- no, wait, not yet! Dammit.
I dunno. The answer, as with most things, is probably somewhere in the middle. Actual human sex with reasonably real people is nice, but not bad sex between crude slobs with short attention spans and no positive emotions.
But what's sort of funny about it all is that I think I'm much more likely to have porno sex than romance novel sex. Porno sex is fun. Romance novel sex--- I wouldn't know where to start.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-22 10:58 pm (UTC)1) I sort of feel that during realistic good sex, or at least its best parts, most people shouldn't be thinking or talking too much or too coherently, about life's details or emotions or anything else. I think at that point it's more about sensation... although I guess a wave of positive emotion for the other person is a possibility.
2) What sort of detail you put in should depend on what you hope to achieve with that scene. Do you want to amuse the reader? What do you want to say about the characters and their relationship? It's like in every scene, really: fiction is supposed to be less aimless than life, so don't put in that broken vase unless it's relevant in some way.
3) Because... I am sure our characters all have pretty boring or annoyingly goofy sex from time to time, just as they have tedious conversation about the weather or random househol accidents. But we don't write about that stuff, in general, unless it's relevant. I think every sex scene should be about more than just "and then sex happened"--so having something emotional happen each time is not ridiculous. You're just choosing to describe the significant encounters, and ignoring or glossing over the humdrum ones.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-22 11:26 pm (UTC)fly-by commenting
Date: 2006-05-23 12:03 am (UTC)Your realistic-internal-monologue sex scene is awesome. ^^
I wrote a character falling asleep during sex a few months ago, and I think it's by far my favorite of the sex scenes I've written. So I guess that puts me in the 'yay realism' camp--but I agree with the other commenter who mentioned that we're usually writing significant encounters.
Good post!
no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 04:08 am (UTC)Here via metafandom
Date: 2006-05-23 07:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 01:33 pm (UTC)Ummm... heheh I loved your inner dialogue snippet, but... to reassure you(?) I'd have to say not everyone is so practically-minded during sex-- I mean, I wouldn't worry about the vase even totally 'sober', forget during sex. I'm a rather careless, easily-distractable person who nevertheless focuses most on the things she enjoys most, so. I'm a realistic character, aren't I? And I definitely don't analyze my responses verbally during sex-- I might dislike certain things and like certain things the other person does more, but I 'go with the flow' a lot more and am nearly compltely nonverbal during it.
I think the term 'real people' is misleading because 'real people' are so different. That's what I've discovered while writing sex myself (or rather, teaching myself to do it better). How someone reacts is really dependent on their personality-- meaning, a more analytical person would think more, a more practical person would worry more, a soppy, sentimental person (those exist!) would exude more affection, and a more hardcore physical person would enjoy the embarrassing slapping noises and make more on purpose.
So basically... I think it's actually possible to have ideal 'romance novel' mind-meld sex between two highly sentimental people in love who're good at ignoring unsightly physical practicalities, and also good at focusing on emotions at all times. It would actually be difficult for those people/characters to have 'realistic' dirty grinding sex, 'cause they'd always be thinking 'but does he love me? but does he really want me? but is he really thinking of me?' so they'd need to be reassured and talked to.
My own experience with my one person I have to analyze is that I tend to nearly ignore my partner and surroundings and focus on the sensations I can give and receive, but then I've never had much practical issues to worry about and I wasn't 'crazy in love' either. I have had moments where reality intruded-- like physical discomfort, pain, awkwardness-- but I was able to devote minimal thinking time to those things even though I noticed them. It's like, 'ack! mmm...' or something like that. I'd probably like for the other person to say 'omg I love you' during sex, but it'd sound stupid to me if it didn't seem 'natural' or totally sincere, but then that's me & my obsession with naturalness :>
visiting from metafandom
Date: 2006-05-23 04:40 pm (UTC)For me, it's more likely to be "the way the muscles in your arms move next to my face when you thrust while you hold yourself up is the most fascinating thing I've ever seen" or "I so don't have a foot fetish it's practically a phobia, so why does seeing your bare feet make me go all warm and melty in the ribcage region?" Sex is the time of great preoccupation with physical particulars -- freckles and sweat drops and the line of a throat or a hip, they all seem to matter in themselves and out of all proportion.
It's *after* sex that I have large scale epiphanies about what things *mean*, if I'm going to have them at all. And more often the next morning when I'm alone (or when they're still asleep) then while we're still lying together.
As for how much I want of realism of imperfect sex, I think of it like writing an accent. I absolutely do want enough to give me a distinct flavor, and I absolutely don't want a literal transcription of every time it would happen in real life.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-23 08:52 pm (UTC)