flash cards

[dragonlady7]

I have awoken with no voice this morning.

My first thought upon trying to clear my throat and realizing it wouldn't:

I will have to write out my lines on flash cards!

Imagined (Probable) Dialogue With Customer:

flash card: Hi, how are you? I am sorry, I have no voice.
customer: "Uh, hi."
What can I get you to eat or drink?
"Can I get some chicken wings?"
Hot, Medium, or Mild?
"Medium."
Would you like a side of fries? Potato salad? Mixed green salad?
"No thanks."
*hold up second card from above, point to "drink"*
"Oh. Uh, a beer. What do you have on tap?"
*points to list of beers on menu I handed them earlier, which virtually nobody notices is there*
"Labatts."
I'll get your drink right away.
Food takes 10-15 minutes to come out.

I think I could do it with about ten flash cards, and if I were smart and put colored borders on them, it'd be fairly doable. How smart am I, and how likely is it that my entire job could be done according to a script of about 15 lines?
Very.
I should save the flash cards and give them to the woman who trains new people-- tell her to make the trainees study 'em.

I am a bit smug about this. Doubtless my voice will return after a shower, but I think I want to make the cards anyway. Where my Sharpies at? *cackles silently with glee*

And no, I am not calling in. I don't feel sick otherwise. But they'll indubitably send me home earlyish if I actually have no voice.

I should make up some "making conversation" flash cards.
Commonly Uttered Statements At The Bar:
So where you flying to?
Bet the weather's better there. (It couldn't fail to be, could it?)

Food takes that long because the kitchen's on the other side of security and is, also, staffed by gibbering lunatics.

Can I see some ID please? Corporate policy. (Hell, I should just make a flash card that says "Corporate policy." Heck, maybe I should just make those dual-sided flash cards so I can say one half without saying the other unless the conversation continues. Dialogue flash cards have to be fairly small, I should think.)

I am sure it isn't contagious. But just in case it is, I've been washing my hands every ten seconds. Here, why don't I go do that now?



But now: the moment of truth. Do I have any flash cards in the house? Cuz I am not energetic enough to hie me to an office supply store, should I prove not to.

The only sign language I know I learned from Z, who went to RIT, which is also the NTID (National Technical Institute for the Deaf). He worked in the cafeteria, briefly. He knew how to sign, "I don't know how to sign. Write it down." Which is really easy to sign, and intuitive to understand (point at your head, then away. Make a wheelie-rolling motion with your forefingers around each other {like The Wheels On The Bus gesture}. Then mimic writing something down as if holding a pen in one hand and paper on your other palm. Makes sense, right?).
Hm. If I were actually going to do this, I'd probably need a flash card that said "I CAN HEAR", just to clarify matters...

Comments

[silverwerecat.livejournal.com]

Ooops... This sucks. I hope you'll feel better soon. But it's a great excse to skip work, right?

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

No, I'm almost out of sick days. Otherwise I'd just call in and not bother with the flash cards.

But I can't, so I'm making flash cards and bracing for a painful day.

[silverwerecat.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I hope all goes well (and painlessly).

[kkatowll.livejournal.com]

I just gotta say, I think the flash cards are the funniest, totally coolest idea ever. Although it sucks you have no voice, but hey, at least this way you're having fun...and maybe you'll get sympathy tips...maybe you should use flash cards every day. :)

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

One of the bartenders said last time she lost her voice she got tipped more because guys thought she was being sexy.

I'm moderately inclined to doubt her, but I could see her point.

Me, either I sound like a chainsmoking hag, or like Minnie Mouse.