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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/20IBS1i:
bomberqueen17:
OK so hook me up people.
Poe and Rey are on the lam and have to go into a bar and pretend to be other people. Rey has never been in a bar. Poe predicts that she will probably get hit on a lot. Rey has no idea how this would work. She has only ever hit people who tried to touch her without her permission, and has no inkling of what sorts of things happen when you are in a place where you are attempting to be unobtrusive and polite.
So, Poe, to prepare her, recites for her the very, very worst, very cheapest, very cheesiest pick-up lines he can think of. And he knows a lot of them because he has spent a long time in a wide variety of really, really terrible bars.
As I am writing this scene I cannot think of a single fucking one. I Google it and the results are so horrifying I must immediately close the window. Oh my god. They’re like– violent. Ugly! No! I want cheesy. I want terrible puns. I want implausibly filthy suggestions. I want goofy! I don’t want– hideous misogyny. No thanks! This is not about literally tricking people or forcing people into talking to you. This is about wooing people with your absolutely fucking terrible sense of humor. That’s what I’m going for here.
Give me your pick-up lines, people. Send me asks. Send me chats. I need this in my life because I am in despair, I thought I knew how this novel ends and I don’t know now.
Here, have the snippet in question, which is clearly pathetic and needs improvement.
If I get too many, why, I’ll have to post outtakes.
Bonus points if they’re Star Wars-verse -compatible. (I have no idea if there are astrological symbols in Star Wars. How would that work, even.)
“I could be your sister,” she said, “but it might be more of a disguise if I pretend to be your lover instead.” She looked uncertain. “I don’t know if I’m that good at pretending, I don’t know what– lovers do, really. But I know people would expect it.”
“I don’t know that anyone would buy that we were blood relatives,” Poe said, and he was– was he nervous? He was nervous. “But you’re so clearly–” He gestured, at a loss for words. “And I just look like a bum. Nobody would believe you’d willingly hang out with me if you didn’t have some kind of– connection.”
“Lovers it is, then,” Rey said.
“You flinch whenever I touch you,” Poe pointed out. “We could play that up, but there would have to be a reason why you’d let me be an asshole to you when you so obviously could break me in half.”
“I only flinch because I don’t know what else to do,” Rey said, and she looked– ashamed. Shit. She clearly cared what Poe thought of her and he couldn’t make her understand that there was no reason to do that. “I’m not very– experienced. At things.”
“You can truthfully tell anyone who asks that we started our relationship when I used a truly terrible pickup line on you,” Poe said. “So um. Here goes.” He cleared his throat. “Do you want some practice touching people?”
She laughed, which was what he had wanted. “Okay,” she said. She reached out and took his hand. “I have practice at this.”
Her hand was warmer than his, and he wrapped his fingers around her palm. He shifted the grip of his hand and interlaced his fingers with hers. “C’mere,” he said, tugging gently on her hand. “Sit down. Let’s establish the ground rules and then it won’t seem like such a big deal.”
She hesitated, then turned and sat sideways across his lap, settling down gingerly. “Aren’t I heavy?” she asked.
“No,” he said. He put his arms around her middle, not touching her with his hands at all, just the insides of his elbow, and in a long plane of contact, not a point. He could feel that she was still holding herself rigid. “It’s okay. Get comfortable. You can slouch. You’re not going to hurt me or– give me ideas, y’know? I know what’s up, here. It’s fine. So the next step is just acting like you belong.”
She laughed, and let herself slump a little bit, settled into his grip. She wound up leaning back into his arms a little bit, and it instantly felt much more comfortable. “Oh,” she said, feeling it too.
He made himself relax too, loosening his muscles, tipping his head back against the back of the seat to look up at her. “So I won’t touch you with my hands anywhere you don’t want me to,” he said. “I don’t know if you’ve had a lot of people touch you that you didn’t want to? I have and sometimes I don’t like it either.”
“No,” she said. “Nobody touches me. I don’t– nobody does.”
“Good,” he said, relieved– at least he didn’t have to deal with residual trauma in one particularly, horribly common way. Then he realized how that sounded. “I mean. Not– good, but. I mean.” He sighed, and tipped his head forward, resting his forehead against her shoulder. “I have a reputation for being smooth but it’s actually totally false.”
“No no,” she said, “enough awkwardness. Terrible pickup lines. I need practice. Come on.”
It struck Poe with renewed force then, that she’d missed out on some bad things along with the good, and he raised his face to look up at her. “You haven’t been ineptly hit on in bars,” he said. “I mean, how many terrible bars have you spent any time in?”
“None really,” she said. “Not– only in passing. Nobody’s tried to– pick me up.”
He grinned. “Oh my stars,” he said. “You won’t have heard any of these. Hold on, I have to remember some.”
“I’ve seen it in holodramas,” she said. “Women in holodramas put up with things I wouldn’t.”
“Not everyone is as good at hand-to-hand combat as you are,” Poe said. “I’m certainly not.”
She put her arm around the back of his neck, a little woodenly; she’d clearly seen the gesture and wanted to try it but wasn’t sure how. Her fingers were warm against the back of his neck, and he tried not to react but couldn’t help but lean into it a little bit. “Leave the hand-to-hand combat to me,” she said. “I’ll protect you. You’re my worthless boyfriend, after all.” She smiled, and it was– fond? Was she acting? Or did she actually– stop it, he told himself, that’s not the point.
“Is there, uh, a mirror in your pocket,” he asked, and it came out a little dazed, “because I can see myself in your pants.”
“That doesn’t even make sense,” she said, delighted. “It would have to be at such an angle– that’s so stupid!”
“I know,” he said. She moved her fingers– she was petting him, just above the hairline, and he should tell her that was maybe too much versimilitude, but– “You know,” he said, mustering up an eyebrow wriggle, “that shirt looks fantastic on you, but, uh.” He crinkled up his eyes and bit his lip. “I think it would look even better on my bedroom floor.”
She threw her head back and laughed, a real belly laugh. “That’s great!” she said. “That’s so cheap! I love it!”
“Oh man,” Poe said. “It’s a while since I thought about these. I think I had more of them used on me than by me, at least? This is blowing my average, here.”
“More,” Rey said, leaning forward a little. “C’mon.”
“Someone once said to me,” he said, looking down, “in apparent seriousness, and I’m not kidding.” He looked up at her, and cocked an eyebrow. “That’s a nice jacket. Wanna fuck?”
Rey laughed again, in pure delight. “Did it work?” she asked.
“No it didn’t work!” Poe said, feigning offense. “You think I’m that easy? I’m not that easy! C’mon.”
c'mon people, I still need more. Get me through this long-ass Friday.
bomberqueen17:
OK so hook me up people.
Poe and Rey are on the lam and have to go into a bar and pretend to be other people. Rey has never been in a bar. Poe predicts that she will probably get hit on a lot. Rey has no idea how this would work. She has only ever hit people who tried to touch her without her permission, and has no inkling of what sorts of things happen when you are in a place where you are attempting to be unobtrusive and polite.
So, Poe, to prepare her, recites for her the very, very worst, very cheapest, very cheesiest pick-up lines he can think of. And he knows a lot of them because he has spent a long time in a wide variety of really, really terrible bars.
As I am writing this scene I cannot think of a single fucking one. I Google it and the results are so horrifying I must immediately close the window. Oh my god. They’re like– violent. Ugly! No! I want cheesy. I want terrible puns. I want implausibly filthy suggestions. I want goofy! I don’t want– hideous misogyny. No thanks! This is not about literally tricking people or forcing people into talking to you. This is about wooing people with your absolutely fucking terrible sense of humor. That’s what I’m going for here.
Give me your pick-up lines, people. Send me asks. Send me chats. I need this in my life because I am in despair, I thought I knew how this novel ends and I don’t know now.
Here, have the snippet in question, which is clearly pathetic and needs improvement.
If I get too many, why, I’ll have to post outtakes.
Bonus points if they’re Star Wars-verse -compatible. (I have no idea if there are astrological symbols in Star Wars. How would that work, even.)
“I could be your sister,” she said, “but it might be more of a disguise if I pretend to be your lover instead.” She looked uncertain. “I don’t know if I’m that good at pretending, I don’t know what– lovers do, really. But I know people would expect it.”
“I don’t know that anyone would buy that we were blood relatives,” Poe said, and he was– was he nervous? He was nervous. “But you’re so clearly–” He gestured, at a loss for words. “And I just look like a bum. Nobody would believe you’d willingly hang out with me if you didn’t have some kind of– connection.”
“Lovers it is, then,” Rey said.
“You flinch whenever I touch you,” Poe pointed out. “We could play that up, but there would have to be a reason why you’d let me be an asshole to you when you so obviously could break me in half.”
“I only flinch because I don’t know what else to do,” Rey said, and she looked– ashamed. Shit. She clearly cared what Poe thought of her and he couldn’t make her understand that there was no reason to do that. “I’m not very– experienced. At things.”
“You can truthfully tell anyone who asks that we started our relationship when I used a truly terrible pickup line on you,” Poe said. “So um. Here goes.” He cleared his throat. “Do you want some practice touching people?”
She laughed, which was what he had wanted. “Okay,” she said. She reached out and took his hand. “I have practice at this.”
Her hand was warmer than his, and he wrapped his fingers around her palm. He shifted the grip of his hand and interlaced his fingers with hers. “C’mere,” he said, tugging gently on her hand. “Sit down. Let’s establish the ground rules and then it won’t seem like such a big deal.”
She hesitated, then turned and sat sideways across his lap, settling down gingerly. “Aren’t I heavy?” she asked.
“No,” he said. He put his arms around her middle, not touching her with his hands at all, just the insides of his elbow, and in a long plane of contact, not a point. He could feel that she was still holding herself rigid. “It’s okay. Get comfortable. You can slouch. You’re not going to hurt me or– give me ideas, y’know? I know what’s up, here. It’s fine. So the next step is just acting like you belong.”
She laughed, and let herself slump a little bit, settled into his grip. She wound up leaning back into his arms a little bit, and it instantly felt much more comfortable. “Oh,” she said, feeling it too.
He made himself relax too, loosening his muscles, tipping his head back against the back of the seat to look up at her. “So I won’t touch you with my hands anywhere you don’t want me to,” he said. “I don’t know if you’ve had a lot of people touch you that you didn’t want to? I have and sometimes I don’t like it either.”
“No,” she said. “Nobody touches me. I don’t– nobody does.”
“Good,” he said, relieved– at least he didn’t have to deal with residual trauma in one particularly, horribly common way. Then he realized how that sounded. “I mean. Not– good, but. I mean.” He sighed, and tipped his head forward, resting his forehead against her shoulder. “I have a reputation for being smooth but it’s actually totally false.”
“No no,” she said, “enough awkwardness. Terrible pickup lines. I need practice. Come on.”
It struck Poe with renewed force then, that she’d missed out on some bad things along with the good, and he raised his face to look up at her. “You haven’t been ineptly hit on in bars,” he said. “I mean, how many terrible bars have you spent any time in?”
“None really,” she said. “Not– only in passing. Nobody’s tried to– pick me up.”
He grinned. “Oh my stars,” he said. “You won’t have heard any of these. Hold on, I have to remember some.”
“I’ve seen it in holodramas,” she said. “Women in holodramas put up with things I wouldn’t.”
“Not everyone is as good at hand-to-hand combat as you are,” Poe said. “I’m certainly not.”
She put her arm around the back of his neck, a little woodenly; she’d clearly seen the gesture and wanted to try it but wasn’t sure how. Her fingers were warm against the back of his neck, and he tried not to react but couldn’t help but lean into it a little bit. “Leave the hand-to-hand combat to me,” she said. “I’ll protect you. You’re my worthless boyfriend, after all.” She smiled, and it was– fond? Was she acting? Or did she actually– stop it, he told himself, that’s not the point.
“Is there, uh, a mirror in your pocket,” he asked, and it came out a little dazed, “because I can see myself in your pants.”
“That doesn’t even make sense,” she said, delighted. “It would have to be at such an angle– that’s so stupid!”
“I know,” he said. She moved her fingers– she was petting him, just above the hairline, and he should tell her that was maybe too much versimilitude, but– “You know,” he said, mustering up an eyebrow wriggle, “that shirt looks fantastic on you, but, uh.” He crinkled up his eyes and bit his lip. “I think it would look even better on my bedroom floor.”
She threw her head back and laughed, a real belly laugh. “That’s great!” she said. “That’s so cheap! I love it!”
“Oh man,” Poe said. “It’s a while since I thought about these. I think I had more of them used on me than by me, at least? This is blowing my average, here.”
“More,” Rey said, leaning forward a little. “C’mon.”
“Someone once said to me,” he said, looking down, “in apparent seriousness, and I’m not kidding.” He looked up at her, and cocked an eyebrow. “That’s a nice jacket. Wanna fuck?”
Rey laughed again, in pure delight. “Did it work?” she asked.
“No it didn’t work!” Poe said, feigning offense. “You think I’m that easy? I’m not that easy! C’mon.”
c'mon people, I still need more. Get me through this long-ass Friday.
