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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/1U1BjzO:
from the archives of outtakes for Full of Grace, I was just digging through and found these. So Bucky has a blog and gets Qs, and A’s them, in the story universe. (It’s carefully not quite any actual website, for various reasons, partly laziness.) And in-story, so far, they’ve all been pretty plot-driven Q’s.
But I got bored at some point while stuck on a plot point, and I just found where I gave him a sideline as a relationship advice blogger. So, in honor of the holiday, here’s some excerpts. (The story is on a brief hiatus at the moment but that doesn’t mean I don’t have more to post soonish, it’s just not on the schedule at the moment.) (Remember when I wrote MCU fic? So do I, pretty much all the time. I’ll get back to it. Don’t worry.)
q: Dear Winter Soldier: If you had a nice time on a date and you text her to say you hope you can see her again, and she doesn’t text back right away, how long should you wait to try again or should you never speak of/to her again and try to forget about it?
a: I laughed, out loud, for like, ten minutes when I got this. Thank you, this made my day. I’m a relationship advice blog now. I’m going for this. This is great. I could not be less qualified for this and I’m ecstatic. Let’s do this.
If you’re asking the Winter Soldier for real, all the advice I’m gonna have for you is to make your choice now. Either you return to the last known coordinates your handlers left for you and wait for further instruction, or you make your own mission now.
The Winter Soldier isn’t very good at girls, though. Or dating. Or humans. Not living ones, anyway. Making them dead, sure. Texting them back, no. He understands how texting works but not on, like, an interpersonal level. And he is completely baffled by the whole concept of dating.
If you’re asking who I am now, I’m not gonna have a whole lot more advice. If you’re asking who I was before I was the soldier, well, he’s gonna want a pretty detailed explanation of just what this “texting” is after all.
But I’ll try.
Whatever your communications protocol, if you have a nice date with someone, and you follow-up and they don’t respond, I figure you’ve got one more shot after that. Because anyone can slip up, on any communications platform– they see your text, they squee to themselves, they set it aside to answer later. Ditto email, ditto postcards, ditto a phone call to the line their house shares. Some of them, maybe their bratty little sister took the message and just didn’t write it down. Maybe their cell carrier ate the text.
So you wait like, a day or two for electronic stuff, a week maybe for non-electronic. If you can, you check in indirectly– make sure they’re not in the hospital or nothin’, or like, their mom didn’t get hit by a car, or somethin’. Don’t be creepy, just see, like– if their cousin works with you, say ‘gosh I had such a good time with Mary-Ann the other night, how’s she doin’, did she mention me? aw I’m just kiddin’ with you.” And you see where that gets you. If they go white and say “No one made it out of the fire”– well. Sorry, pal. That sucks.
If they grimace and say, “That wasn’t you, was it, with the dog breath?” Maybe just let that one lie too. “Naw, she told me about that guy, what a loser!” and never mention it again.
Then you maybe try again. Maybe change it up. Call this time. “I just found out about this thing I thought you’ll love! Did you wanna go, or nah? It’s okay if you dont’!” Or send it as a text, but– no passive-aggressive. No “did your phone die colon close-parenthesis?” None of that shit.
Just, “I saw this and thought of you! Wanna hang out?” And if the answer is no– gentlemen, especially, but this applies to ladies and other sorts of people, you’re not immune to this– if the answer is no, you have to believe them, and let it be. You never “deserve” to have someone like you. A specific someone.
“Well, too bad, I had fun, but that’s okay! See you around, and good luck!”
You really can’t do anything other than this. And I’m sorry. And that applies to everyone. It sucks, be sad, have some whiskey and throw apples at streetcars with a friend or whatever. But it’s your problem. It’s not her problem. Maybe it’s not even fair, she might just not like guys with metal arms. Maybe your breath was bad. Fix that, but you had your shot with that particular dame. Start over. Sorry.
q: are you with the Black Widow or are you gay?
a: I spent a really long time looking for a really good graphic to respond to this one with. I eventually had to make one.
[image: animated glitter text, in a pink-purple-blue spectrum, rotating in place, reading “HELLA BI”]
(a/n I looked for such a thing for a long time. No dice. Help me, Internet. Bucky’s more savvy than me, I don’t know how to make such a thing.)
q: Dear Winter Soldier: I love that we’re sending you relationship advice now. So here’s mine. I’ve been seeing this guy for months and he won’t introduce me to his friends. I haven’t made a big deal out of it, but it feels like a big red flag to me.
a: The Winter Soldier advises you to return to base and wait for further instructions.
Bucky wants to tell you a story about a girl he used to date sometimes, who never wanted to go anywhere fancy and mostly just wanted to make out, and he sorta went with it even though he really liked to go out dancing, because she was kinda hot and had a good sense of humor. And then one day the fiancee she’d never mentioned showed up instead, with two friends and some baseball bats. So– fortunately, Bucky had always been pretty handy in a fight, so he got outta that one okay, eventually, after everything healed up. But after that he was always kinda careful about the ones who didn’t want to go out, who just wanted to stay in. And just in general, you gotta find out whether people are really who and what they say they are.
Maybe his friends are all sacks of shit. But what does that say about him? There’s a lot of great people in the world and it’s hard to go through life and not know any. I’m telling you, if he doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends and family, that doesn’t mean you should break it off with him, it just means he’s not taking it all that seriously, so don’t you take it seriously either. If you only want him if he’s for serious, then you don’t want him.
Unless maybe it’s that he has a secret identity. But speaking as someone who has one of those, they’re usually not secret for a reason you’re gonna like. Personally? I wouldn’t date someone I couldn’t tell about my secret identity. It’s not fair. It puts them in danger without giving them any warning.
Maybe ask one of your masked good guys, though. Maybe they’ve got pointers. I don’t.
…
Wait, do no other masked superhero/villain types have verified public accounts where they take Q&As?
What the fuck, Spider-Man, step up your game. Daredevil, I’m calling you out. Chickenshit bastards.
from the archives of outtakes for Full of Grace, I was just digging through and found these. So Bucky has a blog and gets Qs, and A’s them, in the story universe. (It’s carefully not quite any actual website, for various reasons, partly laziness.) And in-story, so far, they’ve all been pretty plot-driven Q’s.
But I got bored at some point while stuck on a plot point, and I just found where I gave him a sideline as a relationship advice blogger. So, in honor of the holiday, here’s some excerpts. (The story is on a brief hiatus at the moment but that doesn’t mean I don’t have more to post soonish, it’s just not on the schedule at the moment.) (Remember when I wrote MCU fic? So do I, pretty much all the time. I’ll get back to it. Don’t worry.)
q: Dear Winter Soldier: If you had a nice time on a date and you text her to say you hope you can see her again, and she doesn’t text back right away, how long should you wait to try again or should you never speak of/to her again and try to forget about it?
a: I laughed, out loud, for like, ten minutes when I got this. Thank you, this made my day. I’m a relationship advice blog now. I’m going for this. This is great. I could not be less qualified for this and I’m ecstatic. Let’s do this.
If you’re asking the Winter Soldier for real, all the advice I’m gonna have for you is to make your choice now. Either you return to the last known coordinates your handlers left for you and wait for further instruction, or you make your own mission now.
The Winter Soldier isn’t very good at girls, though. Or dating. Or humans. Not living ones, anyway. Making them dead, sure. Texting them back, no. He understands how texting works but not on, like, an interpersonal level. And he is completely baffled by the whole concept of dating.
If you’re asking who I am now, I’m not gonna have a whole lot more advice. If you’re asking who I was before I was the soldier, well, he’s gonna want a pretty detailed explanation of just what this “texting” is after all.
But I’ll try.
Whatever your communications protocol, if you have a nice date with someone, and you follow-up and they don’t respond, I figure you’ve got one more shot after that. Because anyone can slip up, on any communications platform– they see your text, they squee to themselves, they set it aside to answer later. Ditto email, ditto postcards, ditto a phone call to the line their house shares. Some of them, maybe their bratty little sister took the message and just didn’t write it down. Maybe their cell carrier ate the text.
So you wait like, a day or two for electronic stuff, a week maybe for non-electronic. If you can, you check in indirectly– make sure they’re not in the hospital or nothin’, or like, their mom didn’t get hit by a car, or somethin’. Don’t be creepy, just see, like– if their cousin works with you, say ‘gosh I had such a good time with Mary-Ann the other night, how’s she doin’, did she mention me? aw I’m just kiddin’ with you.” And you see where that gets you. If they go white and say “No one made it out of the fire”– well. Sorry, pal. That sucks.
If they grimace and say, “That wasn’t you, was it, with the dog breath?” Maybe just let that one lie too. “Naw, she told me about that guy, what a loser!” and never mention it again.
Then you maybe try again. Maybe change it up. Call this time. “I just found out about this thing I thought you’ll love! Did you wanna go, or nah? It’s okay if you dont’!” Or send it as a text, but– no passive-aggressive. No “did your phone die colon close-parenthesis?” None of that shit.
Just, “I saw this and thought of you! Wanna hang out?” And if the answer is no– gentlemen, especially, but this applies to ladies and other sorts of people, you’re not immune to this– if the answer is no, you have to believe them, and let it be. You never “deserve” to have someone like you. A specific someone.
“Well, too bad, I had fun, but that’s okay! See you around, and good luck!”
You really can’t do anything other than this. And I’m sorry. And that applies to everyone. It sucks, be sad, have some whiskey and throw apples at streetcars with a friend or whatever. But it’s your problem. It’s not her problem. Maybe it’s not even fair, she might just not like guys with metal arms. Maybe your breath was bad. Fix that, but you had your shot with that particular dame. Start over. Sorry.
q: are you with the Black Widow or are you gay?
a: I spent a really long time looking for a really good graphic to respond to this one with. I eventually had to make one.
[image: animated glitter text, in a pink-purple-blue spectrum, rotating in place, reading “HELLA BI”]
(a/n I looked for such a thing for a long time. No dice. Help me, Internet. Bucky’s more savvy than me, I don’t know how to make such a thing.)
q: Dear Winter Soldier: I love that we’re sending you relationship advice now. So here’s mine. I’ve been seeing this guy for months and he won’t introduce me to his friends. I haven’t made a big deal out of it, but it feels like a big red flag to me.
a: The Winter Soldier advises you to return to base and wait for further instructions.
Bucky wants to tell you a story about a girl he used to date sometimes, who never wanted to go anywhere fancy and mostly just wanted to make out, and he sorta went with it even though he really liked to go out dancing, because she was kinda hot and had a good sense of humor. And then one day the fiancee she’d never mentioned showed up instead, with two friends and some baseball bats. So– fortunately, Bucky had always been pretty handy in a fight, so he got outta that one okay, eventually, after everything healed up. But after that he was always kinda careful about the ones who didn’t want to go out, who just wanted to stay in. And just in general, you gotta find out whether people are really who and what they say they are.
Maybe his friends are all sacks of shit. But what does that say about him? There’s a lot of great people in the world and it’s hard to go through life and not know any. I’m telling you, if he doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends and family, that doesn’t mean you should break it off with him, it just means he’s not taking it all that seriously, so don’t you take it seriously either. If you only want him if he’s for serious, then you don’t want him.
Unless maybe it’s that he has a secret identity. But speaking as someone who has one of those, they’re usually not secret for a reason you’re gonna like. Personally? I wouldn’t date someone I couldn’t tell about my secret identity. It’s not fair. It puts them in danger without giving them any warning.
Maybe ask one of your masked good guys, though. Maybe they’ve got pointers. I don’t.
…
Wait, do no other masked superhero/villain types have verified public accounts where they take Q&As?
What the fuck, Spider-Man, step up your game. Daredevil, I’m calling you out. Chickenshit bastards.
