grrrrrmble
Jul. 17th, 2005 03:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7The subject line is the noise Z makes when you touch him when he's asleep. "Rrrrrrmmmmmbbble."
Rain woke me around 2:30. My back had a bad kink in it from sleeping funny, as I had passed out curled into a ball against the wall near the foot of Z's bed. Whilst unkinking myself, thunder began, which woke me further. And then I got to brooding on work.
I know when I rant about what pisses me off at work it only makes things worse, and is boring, but to distill what has kept me up for an hour down to its essence:
1) It is not my fault if my replacement doesn't show up. Particularly when she has failed to show up no less than four times on other occasions. I saw her listed as my relief when I came in, and told every manager, supervisor, and in fact, other employee I saw that if she didn't show up no way was I staying.
2) I have stayed late countless times to make up for other employees who were absent, excused or otherwise. Have I ever been rewarded? No. And of late, they haven't even been paying me overtime. So fuck that. It's not worth me giving up my life. I'm never working an extra shift again, because it only brings grief and pain to me whilst making the lives of the delinquent that much easier.
3) Having told them I couldn't stay, and then having told them I wouldn't stay, and then having told them I had to leave, and then being told that there was no one to relieve me? Does not make me able to stay. So I got yelled at for flat-out refusing to stay and watch the bar for an unspecified amount of time. Fuck them.
That said, it's not like I have any recourse, or am quitting. I didn't even have the guts to walk out. I stayed until a manager came to yell at me. And then I said, "then watch the bar," and left.
But still. They're motherfuckers, and I'm furious that I should be yelled at for an unreliable bitch they've known for over a month was an unreliable bitch (and yet haven't fired) being an unreliable bitch. I am not one. Don't punish me for it.
I am still wide awake, and having brooded over that doesn't help, because really, I have no recourse except to quit, and I doubt I could find another job. See, I've been thinking about my resume, and I don't think I'm actually employable. I know I must be a competent human, but maybe I'm really not capable of any sort of "real job" after all this. I mean, I don't even know what field interests me. So I think I'm stuck as a waitress. An overqualified waitress who's underqualified for everything else. Who the fuck is going to hire me? Nobody I can think of. And I'm not interested in them anyway.
I am destined to be one of those shiftless types who bounces around low-level jobs and the family wonders what's up with her.
Very depressing, and not helping with the whole going back to sleep issue.
While at work, which did I mention was pointless and stupid and slow, I read a paperback somebody had abandoned there the week before. it was by some NYT best-selling author and was a pulpy suspense-romance that was very light on the suspense. And I read it, and it was well-written and had excellent dialogue, but the hero and heroine's ideas of gender relations set my teeth on edge (Her: I said we shouldn't have sex! Why did we just have sex? Him: You didn't say 'no' during the incident. Her: I was half-asleep! I had said no previously! Him: You didn't say it during. Her: It was like date rape! Him: But you liked it. Her: But I said I didn't want any more sex until we'd straightened things out! Him: You didn't say no at the time. I win. Me: Jesus Christ, I'd've shot you by now you asshole.) and also? The plot (remember the plot? Supposed to be suspense?) Sort of didn't hang together at all, and had a couple holes in it. Really, the fact that someone repeatedly tried to kill the heroine (and mind you, the above parenthetical conversation occurred the morning after she had been shot) was very thoroughly less important than the fact that the hero was totally in love with her. Like, you sort of weren't supposed to care why they were after her, because it was mostly just a good reason for her to hide out in the hero's... bed.
Why can't I write like that and make money and not have to be a waitress? UGH.
Rain woke me around 2:30. My back had a bad kink in it from sleeping funny, as I had passed out curled into a ball against the wall near the foot of Z's bed. Whilst unkinking myself, thunder began, which woke me further. And then I got to brooding on work.
I know when I rant about what pisses me off at work it only makes things worse, and is boring, but to distill what has kept me up for an hour down to its essence:
1) It is not my fault if my replacement doesn't show up. Particularly when she has failed to show up no less than four times on other occasions. I saw her listed as my relief when I came in, and told every manager, supervisor, and in fact, other employee I saw that if she didn't show up no way was I staying.
2) I have stayed late countless times to make up for other employees who were absent, excused or otherwise. Have I ever been rewarded? No. And of late, they haven't even been paying me overtime. So fuck that. It's not worth me giving up my life. I'm never working an extra shift again, because it only brings grief and pain to me whilst making the lives of the delinquent that much easier.
3) Having told them I couldn't stay, and then having told them I wouldn't stay, and then having told them I had to leave, and then being told that there was no one to relieve me? Does not make me able to stay. So I got yelled at for flat-out refusing to stay and watch the bar for an unspecified amount of time. Fuck them.
That said, it's not like I have any recourse, or am quitting. I didn't even have the guts to walk out. I stayed until a manager came to yell at me. And then I said, "then watch the bar," and left.
But still. They're motherfuckers, and I'm furious that I should be yelled at for an unreliable bitch they've known for over a month was an unreliable bitch (and yet haven't fired) being an unreliable bitch. I am not one. Don't punish me for it.
I am still wide awake, and having brooded over that doesn't help, because really, I have no recourse except to quit, and I doubt I could find another job. See, I've been thinking about my resume, and I don't think I'm actually employable. I know I must be a competent human, but maybe I'm really not capable of any sort of "real job" after all this. I mean, I don't even know what field interests me. So I think I'm stuck as a waitress. An overqualified waitress who's underqualified for everything else. Who the fuck is going to hire me? Nobody I can think of. And I'm not interested in them anyway.
I am destined to be one of those shiftless types who bounces around low-level jobs and the family wonders what's up with her.
Very depressing, and not helping with the whole going back to sleep issue.
While at work, which did I mention was pointless and stupid and slow, I read a paperback somebody had abandoned there the week before. it was by some NYT best-selling author and was a pulpy suspense-romance that was very light on the suspense. And I read it, and it was well-written and had excellent dialogue, but the hero and heroine's ideas of gender relations set my teeth on edge (Her: I said we shouldn't have sex! Why did we just have sex? Him: You didn't say 'no' during the incident. Her: I was half-asleep! I had said no previously! Him: You didn't say it during. Her: It was like date rape! Him: But you liked it. Her: But I said I didn't want any more sex until we'd straightened things out! Him: You didn't say no at the time. I win. Me: Jesus Christ, I'd've shot you by now you asshole.) and also? The plot (remember the plot? Supposed to be suspense?) Sort of didn't hang together at all, and had a couple holes in it. Really, the fact that someone repeatedly tried to kill the heroine (and mind you, the above parenthetical conversation occurred the morning after she had been shot) was very thoroughly less important than the fact that the hero was totally in love with her. Like, you sort of weren't supposed to care why they were after her, because it was mostly just a good reason for her to hide out in the hero's... bed.
Why can't I write like that and make money and not have to be a waitress? UGH.
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no subject
Date: 2005-07-17 09:14 am (UTC)*hugs* Been there, felt as shitty. I hope that things will improve. I've made my mind on quiting during the next six months, since I will go crazy if I remain at this job for the rest of my life.
As for that book... how do such thngs get published? I do not know if I should feel better about my work or worse, since I doubt I will ever get published.
*grunt*
Hug a kitty. Eat some chocolate. Such things always help. I hope.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-17 01:18 pm (UTC)My only pets are betta fish. One cannot really hug a fish... And the thing about betta fish is that the way you can tell that they are healthy and contented is that they hate you and the world more than anything. The newest one will attack the bowl whenever he sees me, so we know that the food and water condition are really agreeing with him.
Uh. I dunno, when I started this job it felt like I had so much brain left over to do all my writing, and yet I haven't written in several weeks. I think my total word output for the entirety of June was under a thousand. One of the main selling points of this job, to me, was that it would use a different part of my brain, so I could write.
Oh well. Good luck with you and leaving your job. I guess I still have to think mine over.
The book was, on the whole, well-written, and was the author's... probably her sixteenth or so. There was a list a yard long on the inside cover. So maybe her earlier ones were a lot more tightly-crafted, and by now she just churns 'em out and her reputation is enough that people who like her writing find her stuff good enough? I don't know. She was a good writer, and her characters were vivid. She just seemed to sort of care less about the plot, which is I suppose par for the romance novel course.
But the Vikings Novel I abandoned earlier this year because I was having so much trouble with the rewrites and plotting and just didn't have the energy to keep going? Yeah, the first draft I was so intent on revising was probably on par with this published book.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-18 03:56 am (UTC)Anyway, you might want to see about doing reception or insurance billing with a dental office, it isn't terribly difficult, and being an interesting person helps. (Which I think you are.) Yes there are some crappy dentists out there, but most pay pretty well for their abuse and the patients are sometimes cranky, but with your computer talent and the fact that you can talk to anyone, would be a great asset to a dental office. Seriously, if the chick we have at the front desk can do it for 12.oo an hour, you can do it efficiiantly, without any great effort, and with more style!