procrastination is a strange thing.
Jan. 27th, 2005 02:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7The writing is going well. I've just banged out 1108 words in the last hour, 1108 original words that do a great deal to recenter the revised plot. (They're starting to drag at later plot points, however, and distort them, and that is problematic.)
But in the middle of this, I suddenly want to write an essay. I want to write an essay based on a conversation Dave and I had last night, about Jakarta, Java, and Apache: He was talking about web technologies, and I was talking about Indonesia and Indians. How frustrating it must be, I thought, to be a student attempting to use the Web to learn about Java, Indonesia: all you can find is crap about applets and the like.
And it was, in my head, developing into a little essay on SEO and usability, two of my kinks from days of yore. Earlier this morning I revisited a few of the SEO forums from which I learned the craft (Search Engine Optimization), and one of them cheerfully informed me when I logged in that my last visit had been Sept. 4th, 2004.
... !!
The other one, of course, I still visit nearly every day-- I do still moderate the Content & Copywriting forum at Cre8asite-- but I only ever go to my forum anymore, and have little to say. Funny how interests can... not so much shift, because I'm still interested in that, but it's not at the front of my mind anymore, so I have few opinions to offer. Unless someone asks me a question I can answer with facts, I've got little to say.
It was strange.
And all of this leads me back to procrastination. I don't just procrastinate when things are going badly. I am, at the moment, procrastinating because things are going well. Why is that? Am I drawn to these distractions because I am incapable of sustaining attention span? No, that's certainly not it: I have been known to write without interruption for 16 out of 18 hours and only stop when i can't stay awake any longer. I can summon a formidable attention span when things are going very well.
But perhaps something in me wants to resist getting into those states? Perhaps I am afraid of my own intensity?
Perhaps there is something inherently draining about such a thing that makes me reluctant to engage in it even though when I'm in it I profess to love it?
Perhaps there's something in me that needs to be indirect about these things, that needs to waste time and dance around the issues for a while before it's ready to plunge in and just get the damn thing done.
Perhaps I don't really want to succeed. It could be self-sabotage that keeps me procrastinating. I've known enough self-sabotagers in this life that I should be able to recognize it, but perhaps I'm oblivious.
And of course, there's always the idea that I am delaying pleasure. If I procrastinate, it means I can spend longer, later, more intensely immersed in the work.
...
Perhaps analysis is futile and I would do best to plough through it and continue.
Shrug.
By the way, I should plug Cre8asite-- anyone who's trying to design or maintain a website and has questions about improving the design, making it more user-friendly, getting it to rank better in the search engines for your target terms, or any of the like, it's a great community to join to get some answers. Mostly their constituents are internet marketers and e-tailers, but I think the usability and SEO lessons could certainly be useful to bloggers and writers alike. Fanfic writers, want more readers (and feedback?!?)? Optimize for your characters' names. You'd be amazed how much traffic I've gotten from posting one solitary Eomer/Lothiriel short and spelling their damn names right. So, anyhow, there's my plug, and I guess I'll stop procrastinating now and get to it.
But in the middle of this, I suddenly want to write an essay. I want to write an essay based on a conversation Dave and I had last night, about Jakarta, Java, and Apache: He was talking about web technologies, and I was talking about Indonesia and Indians. How frustrating it must be, I thought, to be a student attempting to use the Web to learn about Java, Indonesia: all you can find is crap about applets and the like.
And it was, in my head, developing into a little essay on SEO and usability, two of my kinks from days of yore. Earlier this morning I revisited a few of the SEO forums from which I learned the craft (Search Engine Optimization), and one of them cheerfully informed me when I logged in that my last visit had been Sept. 4th, 2004.
... !!
The other one, of course, I still visit nearly every day-- I do still moderate the Content & Copywriting forum at Cre8asite-- but I only ever go to my forum anymore, and have little to say. Funny how interests can... not so much shift, because I'm still interested in that, but it's not at the front of my mind anymore, so I have few opinions to offer. Unless someone asks me a question I can answer with facts, I've got little to say.
It was strange.
And all of this leads me back to procrastination. I don't just procrastinate when things are going badly. I am, at the moment, procrastinating because things are going well. Why is that? Am I drawn to these distractions because I am incapable of sustaining attention span? No, that's certainly not it: I have been known to write without interruption for 16 out of 18 hours and only stop when i can't stay awake any longer. I can summon a formidable attention span when things are going very well.
But perhaps something in me wants to resist getting into those states? Perhaps I am afraid of my own intensity?
Perhaps there is something inherently draining about such a thing that makes me reluctant to engage in it even though when I'm in it I profess to love it?
Perhaps there's something in me that needs to be indirect about these things, that needs to waste time and dance around the issues for a while before it's ready to plunge in and just get the damn thing done.
Perhaps I don't really want to succeed. It could be self-sabotage that keeps me procrastinating. I've known enough self-sabotagers in this life that I should be able to recognize it, but perhaps I'm oblivious.
And of course, there's always the idea that I am delaying pleasure. If I procrastinate, it means I can spend longer, later, more intensely immersed in the work.
...
Perhaps analysis is futile and I would do best to plough through it and continue.
Shrug.
By the way, I should plug Cre8asite-- anyone who's trying to design or maintain a website and has questions about improving the design, making it more user-friendly, getting it to rank better in the search engines for your target terms, or any of the like, it's a great community to join to get some answers. Mostly their constituents are internet marketers and e-tailers, but I think the usability and SEO lessons could certainly be useful to bloggers and writers alike. Fanfic writers, want more readers (and feedback?!?)? Optimize for your characters' names. You'd be amazed how much traffic I've gotten from posting one solitary Eomer/Lothiriel short and spelling their damn names right. So, anyhow, there's my plug, and I guess I'll stop procrastinating now and get to it.
