Revenge of the Stream of Consciousness-What-Consciousness

[dragonlady7]

Am sleepy.
For the record, no, did not break $100 today. Am disappointed. Was sooo slow... I remain sooo broke...
Slipped and hurt self at Local Bar, but not badly, just broke the skin on one of my already-eczemated fingers. (I just made that word up. Imagine: painful, scaly, red, swollen, and then wish you hadn't imagined. There: my life.) Hurts, is probably bruised-- I have to say, up until recently I'd never really realized that it was possible to have bruises so severe on one's fingers, and for the life of me I could not tell you how on earth most of them got there. WTF? I sling vodka (mostly) and wash dishes, and my fingers are bruised, --like for example, I have a black and blue knuckle. How does that happen?
Bee-zarre.

Dave confided in me that his next, over-$300 car payment is due not in a month, but in under a week. That little noise that most of you may have heard sometime around nine pm eastern time was my brain exploding, but I am proud of myself because out loud, all I said was, "I'll check my bank balance when I get home. We'll be fine."
Heh. Heh. Sure.

*goes to visit bank webpage to check balance* You know, there is nothing quite so surreal as USAA's webpage. They are the only bank I have ever used, but something somewhere in my sense of what is right suggests to me that most people's bank's website's front page does not have a large link with "Pre-Deployment Checklist" right at the top, and most of the graphics probably don't feature men and women in military uniform, with guns but sans insignia, looking well-groomed and happy and, like, hosing down helicopters with de-icer, and buying their first car (equally happy about both, of course). It's a strange webpage.
(It's a good bank, but membership is restricted to members of the Armed Forces and their adult children. Hello, latter category: very handy that you exist, and you exist entirely because of people like me who got their first bank account as a subsidiary of Dad's and don't want to change banks now. Because their no-fee checking has no fees, and their auto insurance is cheep. With multiple e's. Them sending me calendars of jet airplanes and humvees every Christmas, adorned with quotes from the likes of G. W. Bush and the incomparably lunatic Patton, is a welcomely distracting bit of surreality in these dark times.)

Muh, half my assets are in cash and half in the account and I can't muster the full car payment from either. A question: which is more likely to give me a break, National Fuel or Niagara-Mohawk? (Pfeh, we all know it isn't Toyota Financial Services, who force-feed their trainees live piranhas during savage initiation rites.) If I pay for the car then I sort of have to choose whether to pay for my gas or my electricity. A less painful choice than one would think, as of yet, but we'll see once they call the hounds on me. (fights down absurd urge to re-enact Fear & Loathing's opening scene, with the invisi-bats and the fly-swatter in fire-apple red convertible at 100 mph, near Barstow on the edge of the desert.)

I am so tired my eyes are burning, but I just can't get into my lovely soft clean bed until I have showered. Unfortunately, at the moment, I lack the strength. This may develop into some sad kind of standoff, with me only growing more tired as I try to summon the energy to clean myself. I may wind up sleeping on the couch until I can summon the strength. Oh the humanity! Oh the drama! I should be my own reality TV series.
Buh. (shudder.)

All I can say is, Zoltan* be praised, I have tomorrow off. Will I spend it wisely? Fuck no! But it will be mine to spend, and there may be meat loaf involved.


(*This situation seemed to call for the invocation of someone... unconventional. For further information on Zoltan, see Dude, Where's My Car. That's the only reason I can recommend that movie. Note: Get drunk first, with about four of your best drinking buddies, and then watch it three times in quick succession before you sober up, and you'll probably think it's brilliant, and you'll spend the next two weeks quoting bits of it at one another. Otherwise you'll just want that evening of your life back, and we all know how unproductive such thoughts are.)

Muh, I am to the point where I am closing one eye at a time in the hopes that parts of me will somehow be rested. And yet, the fingers still move. I should be my own freak show.
Buh. (Shudder.)

Ohh, I am convinced I'm funny, and you can tell, can't you? Even I can see that this is very sad. But I still lack the strength to shower. The horror! The horror!

Comments

[amyjessica.livejournal.com]

As one who has been in your position MANY a time (like, last week...) I'm offering a piece of advice. Most utility companies will not shut off gas or electricity in the winter, even if the payments are dreadfully behind. They're even more forgiving if you call them and let them know what's going on. Offer to make a partial payment, even, whatever you think you can afford. We've stretched our utility bills out over the course of months before we finally got caught up, but as long as you're making those little "token" payments, they're relatively content.

And don't sweat the small stuff. You have a roof over your head, food in your tummy, and someone to come home to. Lots of people aren't that lucky, and though it sucks right now struggling through this miserable poor period, it WILL get better. I promise! =D

-Amy
*done with her mommy routine now*

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I needed a Mommy routine but wasn't going to call my Mommy, as she tacks on a lot more unnecessary guilt onto the end. (Yeesh.)

I got My Boy Dave to sit down with me and do a budget! There is hope for the boy. And he was inspired, by this budget, to send his resume to a bunch more places. I am psyched. :)

But yes-- my landlady (Dave's mom) won't kick me out, they won't shut off the heat (it's illegal in this state, I think, for a utility company to deny heat to a customer, because said customer would die, given our winters), I can still eat (hey, I get free food at both of my jobs. that's a perk people overlook about working in restaurants. So our food budget has gone way down), and I can even still feed Dave. Life ain't so bad.

Y'know, I grew up poor and never knew it. It wasn't until I was just about an adult that Mom explained that they weren't exactly financially prepared when my older sister happened along, and it wasn't just because she was mean that we only got one pair of shoes a year. I just never knew we were poor because we always had food and whatever we needed, and I just thought that everybody went barefoot in the summer and that cracked linoleum as a decorating accent was a rustic fashion statement.
So in the end, what does it matter?

[kkatowll.livejournal.com]

The electric company will wait three months, then send you a letter with a red "important" stamp on it, saying you must pay soon or they'll turn the power off. But they'll be apologetic about it. Can you tell I've done this many times?