dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (hellpp)
[personal profile] dragonlady7
I need, like, Santa help.

So this gift-wrapping competition for Dave's family, that I've been ranting about in comments (see this entry).

I couldn't give details in that post because Dave could read it. See, this entire affair is shrouded in ridiculous secrecy. Names are exchanged at Thanksgiving in a super-double-blind drawing that must be verified by an uninvolved person and then the name slips are triple-sealed and mailed in envelopes inside envelopes.

None may speak of the contest to any others, and any inquiries about materials needed are done in the most indirect manner possible. The most constant noise throughout the Christmas season are shrill cries of "Nooo peeekinggg!!! Nooo peeeekinggg!!"

So. This is friends-locked. So I can ask for help. In addition, I am putting details behind cuts, so that if anyone who shouldn't (did I log out of your computer, Dave?) sees this, they can NOT PEEK.


I drew Dave's uncle Maris's girlfriend Les. Les is a fascinating person that the rest of the family can't stand. She is pretty insufferable sometimes, I can see; she's mellowed over the last decade. But she's been Maris's girlfriend for 15 years now, so they've resigned themselves. She's actually really interesting-- a Torontonian of Puerto Rican ancestry, and until she retired to run her own business she was very highly placed in the Ontario Ministry of Health. They called her back out of retirement to fix things after that whole TOronto SARS epidemic.
She is a very strong woman, very self-centered, very difficult and wayward, and absolutely unstoppable. WHen Dave's father was killed in an accident in Canada, 9 hours away, and the coroner was not being forthcoming about details, and they weren't releasing the body, it was Les who stormed their office and got everything the family needed to know. She is somewhat bulldog-like, and has poor manners, and is very particular, and impossible to shop for.

I kind of like her.

At family gatherings, Dave's sister Krista's husband Eric is set to distracting Uncle Vic, Dave's aunt Ruta's husband. Vic is impossible and curmudgeonly and hears poorly. He also loves to argue. Eric watches the same shows and reads the same books, and loves to argue as well. So Eric is put on Vic-duty. I've been assigned Les-duty, because I think she's really interesting and she loves to talk about herself so we should be a good match.
But anyhow.

On to the Git-Lists.
To make things easier, everyone is given everyone else's Git Lists. People ask for very specific things-- "surprise me" has been pretty well banned from the list.

My victim wants:

* white 100% cotton cloth night gown (JC Penney has a good selection) Large or extra large (roomy) short sleeves any length knee to ankle
* watch-- can be whimsical but must tell time
* whimsical mid-calf or ankle socks (for pants) -- thin for my Gucci loafers !!!
* Towels for the kitchen or bath-- the kind that have a way to hang by Velcro or button down to the stove or refrigerator handle-- if you find them let me know where they are sold
* Hummingbird feeder that fits on to a window glass by suckers
* a chinchilla serape or poncho (just kidding)
* in a pinch, a bottle of single malt scotch (higland or isle) any adventurous lable is allright.
* Gorilla Brand Anisette (from Spain) (Anisado El Mono) NO OTHER
* Single malt scotch glasses (simple)
* Sherry or port glasses (simple)


I know, is this woman for real? "Interesting" is right. But that's a much better list than she's provided in the past. And I am a bit of a scotch drinker myself, so I'm not totally at sea.


And now. To explain the rules.

1. Spend no more than $50 on the gift. (I have seen this rule broken. I don't care to break it, myself.)
2. NO PEEKING!!
3. This year's theme is "Broadway". Interpret this as you see fit.

The competition is like this:
The gifts are all assembled on the dining room table, in an elaborate ritual wherein they are brought in while everyone else hides in the other room and nobody peeks and nobody knows whose gift is whose.

The person for whom the gift is intended must then bring the gift into the living room, and unwrap it.

Then they have to guess who gave it to them.

At the end, we all vote in an elaborate ritual on which gift / wrapping or presenting method was the best. The winner gets a prize (a bottle of wine or something), and some glory.


The third rule is new. I don't know what it means. I have no idea what wacky conversation at Thanksgiving led to this. I wasn't present.

I'm thinking of not doing Broadway, NY, or of doing some part of it other than the theatre district. I'm thinking... there's a Broadway in Buffalo, in an awful neighborhood, that is host to an excellent ethnic Polish market. Good place to get hog maws, trotters, Polish sausage, horseradish, pierogies, and goose necks.
If I do something on this theme, a) many people won't get it, and b) those who do will be sure it's Dave.

Alternately, I can just do some sort of Broadway-lookin' object. I dunno.

Me, I got nothin. Anybody more creative got any ideas?

Date: 2004-12-16 03:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mother2012.livejournal.com
I'm not great in the orginality-department myself, though I'm good at carrying-out. This is what I would do, but if you can come up with something better, wonderful.

I would get (or make) a cheap all-cotton t-shirt-style nightgown (I REALLY understand the extra-roomy desire), then take a picture of the Broadway, including a street sign, and print out the pic on tranfer paper to iron onto the nightgown.

The same picture could be printed on paper for wrapping.

Not a winner amoung that bunch, but it would fit, and probably Les would like it.

If you *should* decide to go this route, I have the camera-to-print capability.

Date: 2004-12-16 04:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jennnlee.livejournal.com
Oh, well. I was with you till you said you didn't want to do anything Broadway/theatre related. I was gonna bring my theatre expertise to the table. Dang. Good luck though!

Noo!

Date: 2004-12-16 04:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonlady7.livejournal.com
I wouldn't mind doing something Broadway-theatre related. I was just thinking of ways to subvert the theme because themes are dumb.

Also, I haven't been to the theatre on Broadway since I was 12 and don't know a damn thing about it. But if you have a good idea that's related to that, please do share. I have no ideas at all, except the nebulous one I mentioned about a noodgely way of interpreting Broadway.

Date: 2004-12-16 04:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spacellama.livejournal.com
Could you make a scotch bottle look like the Empire State Building? And then have a tag with the lyrics to "New York, New York"...

I know, cheesy. ;)

Date: 2004-12-16 05:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kkatowll.livejournal.com
You know why I'd do? I'd write an amusing story about wandering down Broadway trying to find the things on her list. Like, asking the sausage maker about 100% cotton...make it funny, ludicrous, really. Then use that to wrap the present. (Write on notebook paper and carefully tape the pages together; number them so that, once unwrapped, she can read the story. If the story isn't long enough to wrap the present, include photos of Broadway or just rewrite --or print-- the story several times.

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