a pretty damn wretched day

[dragonlady7]

Update:

The bank called back. There's nothing they can do; a check can only be cancelled if it was stolen or unauthorized. I signed the check in the first place; her verbal promise to destroy it means nothing in the eyes of the bank. (Although they're very sorry. It's hard not to be sorry when your customer is weeping on the other end like a little fucking baby.)
They suggested I consult an attorney.

Like that is going to lead to a prompt and neat resolution. Oh sure. This check being a year old, the landlady being 400 miles away from where I am now, and I not having been smart enough to cancel the little fucker at the time. And the agreement that she wouldn't cash it having been entirely verbal and informal and unofficial. Also, my financial records being so disarranged from the move that I have no idea where to go look for the check stub. Yup, screwed.

This is only such a huge screaming deal because I had budgeted down to pretty well the last dollar. i'm a champ at living on almost no money, God knows, which is good as I seem to have made it a personal goal to earn almost no money ever. But I can't live on no money-- not when I had no warning I would have no money. (I have not purchased a pair of shoes since 2002. But I bought myself five shirts and two pairs of trousers this summer. I didn't need those. I could've foregone those. What I paid for those is like half the cost of the windshield Dave needs. If I'd known, but it's too late to take them back now. And food. I've been buying all this food, when Dave would be almost happy to live on spaghetti. Who the fuck needs boneless chicken breasts all the time? Pfeh. If I'd had some warning, I could've saved the money for the other half of the windshield just not buying fancy-schmancy food. Americans eat too much protein anyway.)

So now my laziness of the last few months is coming back to bite me on the ass. Laziness and arrogance. I don't need a job, quite yet, I thought; I don't spend money, I don't need money, and so I only looked three or four days a week instead of seven, didn't apply to everything I saw because something better would surely come along. I had time, I thought, luxuriously; I could wait, and try to finish this novel, and make sure I could go see my family for Thanksgiving. I could focus my efforts on lining up a job for the week after Thanksgiving, and that would give me plenty of time to spend waiting for that first paycheck, riding out the last cushion of my savings.

Yes, the novel is probably the most arrogant part of all. I've spent eight months trying to write a novel with nothing concrete to show for it. Why do I think I'll do it now? And why do I think it will matter? Finding a publisher is hard work. Harder than finding a job. Since I'm obviously a fucking champion at finding jobs, it's perfectly reasonable to expect that I'll have equal luck with publishers.

So yes. I am a dumb lazy bitch, and now I have to deal with the fact that all the budgeting in the world doesn't matter when you have no backup plan and no contingency fund and gee, it looks like no prospects for employment either.

And the little things, too: At the last minute, I have managed to absolutely steal the badge of Biggest Loser Child away from my ever-struggling sister, just in time for Thanksgiving. And earn the contempt of my boyfriend's family, who are all aware of how very unemployed I am and now! fabulous! how totally irresponsibly broke I am, just in time for Christmas, which I get to spend with them feeling, as usual, inadequate! (Yes, I used to let your son pay more than half the rent when he made twice as much as me. We'd planned I'd take over most of the expenses while he was at school. And I'm too stupid and lazy to get a fucking job and hold up my end of the deal. Nice!)

Happy fucking holidays: I can't pay my bills and I rather think Dave's fucking car is going to get repossessed unless we'd rather get our phones and heat shut off.


I just have to ask: Could she have done this at a WORSE time? Could she? In August, I still had a cushion. The holidays weren't coming up. I hadn't had my disastrous-attempt-at-a-car fiasco (I haven't even figured out yet how much that ended up costing me) yet. I wasn't coming right down to the end of things. Why couldn't she have been a psycho bitch THEN, when I'd've had a little slack to deal with it? How did she KNOW what would fuck me over the worst? Where do people get these evil flashes of insight?

FUCK.

Comments

[spacellama.livejournal.com]

What an incredible bitch! I'm sitting here trying to think of ways a person could earn a few hundred dollars without too much commitment. I heard on the radio the other day that some dashing looking young ladies were panhandling on the corner in an upscale part of town wearing only bikinis. They made a haul.

As far as family expectations go... well, it'd be easy for me to tell you to screw em and not worry about it. But I'd be stressing about it, too. Fact is, there's more to you than money or employment. As a thoughtful, generous, considerate human being, you are more than successful. I think that's ultimately harder than getting a job.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Oh lord, panhandling in a bikini in Buffalo in November?? It's already SNOWED here twice.
I don't think I'd get a haul, I think I'd get taken in by the police and sent to a mental hospital.

Also, I'm like 30 pounds overweight and have never put on a bikini in my life. Eugh! Cold goosebumped fat! Bleh.

At one point I planned to get a sandwich board and 100 copies of my resume and go to Times Square and stand on the corner handing them out. Turns out somebody did that already.

Now i don't live near Manhattan anymore so Times Square wouldn't cut it, and around here, there's not that kind of population density.


As far as family goes, mine's not actually that mean and harsh. They'll poke gentle fun at me, but they'll probably also offer to loan me money.
And they do love me how I am, so there's that.
Dave's family will not be so gentle, but they also won't be persistent. They already think I'm fairly silly; this is probably not really any worse than they'd expected.

Thanks for the nice comment, btw. :)

[contingent.livejournal.com]

hi. you seem to be on my list. you seem to be kind of a novelist--contact an organization called the "volunteer lawyers for the arts." they give verbal consultation over the phone, to artists, for free. It kind of has to be art related but you can probbaly make a good argument about your living space being your area of work, etc. I used to work for a chapter (not in NY state) but i know the organization exists in new york (i am a law studnet). vlany.org is the ny branch. You may need your tax returns to suggest you're broke but sometimes they are pretty lax about it. good luck

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Hm. I don't know; I might try just plain Legal Aid first.
Actually I'll try just my friend who's a lawyer who can write me a scary letter first-first, but I'll keep this in mind.
Thanks!

:)
And hi, by the way. :)

[killerwhaletank.livejournal.com]

You are not a dumb bitch. You made a verbal agreement with this woman, you expected her to destroy the check, and she went and cashed it anyway. I think you've got a good case against her, and if I were in your shoes after I got done with my breakdown, I'd definitely call Legal Aid.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think so too.

Thanks.

[jennnlee.livejournal.com]

I do have to say that it's pretty odd that she held onto this check for all these months and then cashed it.

Okay, here are my thoughts. I'm bad at the "poor baby" thing, and tend to try to think of solutions. So I'm sorry if I seem analytical about it. It's the Virgo in me...

1. Call her and find out what the hell is going on. Why did she cash that check?

2. Didn't a relative of your boyfriend's offer you a nanny job? Maybe see if that's still open. It'll be some money coming in.

3. If you can write 50,000 words in nine days, then you're probably a damn good typist. Get thee to a temp agency.

I agree that there's nothing the bank can do. Hell, they barely do stuff when it's in writing, much less a verbal agreement. They get a check drawn on your account, they cash it.

I've been there. Hell, I'm there a lot. Broke and feel utterly hopeless. And the feeling really really sucks, and I know when it's me, it comes with a lot of self-loathing, which is what sounds like is happening with you, too. My experience says take tonight off. You're not going to get anything accomplished, you feel like shit and you're upset. Cry, scream, throw things, whatever you need to do to get it out. Then get up tomorrow and see what you can do to fix things.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

> odd

Yes it is. I'm still clinging to the hope that she just forgot to destroy it, and went to deposit all her checks this month and said "oh, here's another one" and forgot which one I was. I don't know how many properties she rents; I believe she's somewhat disorganized, and there were a couple times when she didn't cash a check for up to a month even though she'd given us this whole sob story how the rent always had to be on time or they couldn't pay the mortgage -- to the point that Dave and I paid the rent once in money orders because we thought it would take too long for the checks to clear, and we didn't want to endanger her like that. (It took fifteen money orders for the full amount, at fifty cents a money order, and we drove to her house at 10 pm in the dark in an unfamiliar area (we'd only just moved there) to get her the money on time.

Yeah. We're suckers.

>bad at the "poor baby" thing

I'm kinda with you on that. Is it a Virgo thing? I'm a Virgo too. I appreciate solutions. Sometimes I get short-tempered with solutions I already tried, but that's because i forget people aren't psychic and don't know that I already did that. That part, I don't think I can blame on my astrological sign. ^.^

1. Left her a message on the machine, and am waiting to hear back. If I don't hear back, I'm'a have to call her again, which pisses me off. I think I was pretty clear the first time, despite being so distraught.

2. She didn't really mean it. The older one's signed up to day care for a pre-set period of time and she can't get out of it. So, that didn't pan out. Disappointing, but it was a lonnng drive and I don't have a car.

3. temp agency = good idea. I even have a recommendation for a local one from a friend. Having relevant office experience ought to (i hope) make this less painful than it was last time, when for some reason they didn't care whether I was good at computers or typing, and just wanted to critique my fashion sense. Why do people do that?

>the bank
I'm with the bank on this. If they could take money back at somebody's say-so, nobody would ever honor checks. I like my bank. But they're only a bank.

>self-loathing
One would think that humans would be equipped with better defense mechanisms against this. It serves no purpose to hate oneself. It serves nobody; if you hate yourself, you can't do anything. If every time something goes horribly wrong you decide it's because you're a waste of space, then it saps your ability to deal with it.
How does that help?
I don't know.
Can I help doing it?
No.

But, the perspective is nice. And yes, I took the evening off. (And wrote 3k words. Ha ha!)

So, thanks. :)

[jennnlee.livejournal.com]

For some reason, I need that evening off to wallow. Just put me in a room with no sharp objects and a blankie and maybe a good book or movie so I can cry and feel sorry for myself. And then the next morning I can get up and figure out how to feed us both for the week on $20.

I guess wallowing helps clear the mind.

Good luck, and I hope you get in touch with the crazy old lady.

[fafojoy.livejournal.com]

Hmm.....if you didn't sign anything about such an agreement, then she didn't either, correct? I would contact her immediately and ask for your deposit back. Your state probably has guidelines on how quickly she has to return it to you.

this is from kat

[(Anonymous)]

In fact, NY state does require deposits to be returned within two months. I think it's 6 weeks, actually, but definitely one year is too long. CALL HER and get your money. Tell her you want interest. She probably won't pay it, but tell her anyway --it'll make her hurry to give you the deposit money.
If she balks at ALL, and I mean including saying she will pay you but doesn't know exactly when, etc., tell her that in NY state all landlords are required to put deposits in a seperate bank account that cannot be used by the landlord. They must be able to prove at any given time that the money is still in that account, and tell her (although this bit is not true) that you've got a lawyer who wants her to produce that proof pronto.
Also, you can take her to small claims court to get it back. I know, htis is costly and takes too much time. But the fact that you know to say "my next step is small claims court" will sound impressive and threatening to her.
CALL HER!
Also, I've put off NIMO for months at a time. They usually send threatening letters after the third month without payment, but even then if you call and explain your situation they'll offer you a payment plan.
And their late fees are not bad.
I don't know what happens if you don't pay the Verizon bill, but I'm guessing it's a similar reaction. They can both slide for a little while.
The car, though, that's important. Can the windshield be put on a credit card?
Seriously, that's what I do when I don't have money because of some catastrophe: let the bills slide and/or put the catastrophe on the credit card.
This is not the best of financial plans, but it does work.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I may well try that next. First I want to give her a chance to say 'oops! you're right! forgot to destroy it and this month accidentally chucked it in with all the other checks I deposited!' Because maybe it was an accident...

I plan on talking to my friend-who-is-a-lawyer. It is so handy to have those. At least to help with threatening phrases.