unproductive
Oct. 26th, 2004 12:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonlady7I don't feel like doing anything today, and that's not helpful.
I caught up on a little bit of sleep this morning, having had under 4 hours the last two nights. But someone thinks our number is a fax number (has done since we got it-- I think an appraisal company is still giving out our number as their fax number) and tried five or six times to send us a fax. And then someone called the number, and I thought well that's the person figuring out that it's not that they dialed wrong or the machine wasn't connected, and they'll stop now. But then they tried one more time. I hope they're done now. But, I'm also done sleeping. Sigh.
And now I have that disconnected, missing-some-hours feeling, which isn't helping me. Dave asked this morning when he left, four hours ago, what I was doing today, and I stared blankly at him and said "... I don't know." I know I was full of thoughts for what I had to do, when i went to bed, but now they're gone.
It's not morning anymore, so I'm not in a good start-the-day mode. But I haven't started the day. It's going to be one of those days where 5 pm and the sun starting to go down comes and smacks me in the head and says 'what did you do today?' to which I will miserably reply, 'Nothing, I guess...'
Which is always such a disappointing realization.
I had a strange job offer yesterday. At the wake I was talking to Dave's cousin Kevin's wife, and she asked what I do, and I said I was looking for a job, and she said "Do you want to be a nanny?" I guess she doesn't like the day care where she sends her two kids (Kerri, "Princess", aged 4, already knows how to e-mail and send attachments, and Christie, "the Tank", 9 months, already walks with support and can't be stopped). And on the one hand, I don't know a damn thing about kids, but on the other hand, she doesn't care, but on the first hand again, it's 20 miles away and I'd need a car, but on the second hand again, I need a car anyway but can't afford to buy one until I have income.
And on that second hand is the fact that Dave's savings are gone now, so mine are next and then we'll be, well, hungry. Because we no longer have any income at all. I can go on for another two or three months but I'd really rather not go through everything. Income is a good idea.
But I don't want to get a job that's not going to let me take the week for Thanksgiving to go home and see my family. I have been terribly homesick for my family, and going home to just see Mom and Dad hasn't been enough.
So, something entirely irrelevant to any of my fields of study, but with guaranteed holidays off, sounds really tempting.
On the other hand, Kevin told Dave about a job he's interviewing for (he's a quality control engineer) at a well-known manufacturer of SCSI drives and fiber-optic networking stuff. "Get me a job," Dave said jokingly.
"C++ programmer?" Kevin asked. "Software engineer?"
Startled, "Yes," Dave answered.
"Sure, they're hiring for that," Kevin said.
Checking up on it at the website at home, Dave confirmed that indeed they were looking for someone. Someone like him. In two months he will have the degree they want. And they're less than 10 miles away from here.
"If you get a job there," I told him, "I would love to stay in Buffalo a little while." His family really is touchingly happy to have him here. It is cheap to live here. i don't *need* a good job. I am becoming increasingly convinced as I contemplate the job-finding process that I am not *meant* for the corporate environment. The very thought of getting another job like the one I had at ADL fills me with dread. The cubicles, the unspoken code of non-ethics, the being judged on things completely irrelevant to my job, the deliberate sabotage by management, the ridiculous paranoia, the flickering fluorescent lights, the monitor that wiggled---- I dunno...
Ah well. Much to ponder upon, but little desire to get up and do anything about it.
I caught up on a little bit of sleep this morning, having had under 4 hours the last two nights. But someone thinks our number is a fax number (has done since we got it-- I think an appraisal company is still giving out our number as their fax number) and tried five or six times to send us a fax. And then someone called the number, and I thought well that's the person figuring out that it's not that they dialed wrong or the machine wasn't connected, and they'll stop now. But then they tried one more time. I hope they're done now. But, I'm also done sleeping. Sigh.
And now I have that disconnected, missing-some-hours feeling, which isn't helping me. Dave asked this morning when he left, four hours ago, what I was doing today, and I stared blankly at him and said "... I don't know." I know I was full of thoughts for what I had to do, when i went to bed, but now they're gone.
It's not morning anymore, so I'm not in a good start-the-day mode. But I haven't started the day. It's going to be one of those days where 5 pm and the sun starting to go down comes and smacks me in the head and says 'what did you do today?' to which I will miserably reply, 'Nothing, I guess...'
Which is always such a disappointing realization.
I had a strange job offer yesterday. At the wake I was talking to Dave's cousin Kevin's wife, and she asked what I do, and I said I was looking for a job, and she said "Do you want to be a nanny?" I guess she doesn't like the day care where she sends her two kids (Kerri, "Princess", aged 4, already knows how to e-mail and send attachments, and Christie, "the Tank", 9 months, already walks with support and can't be stopped). And on the one hand, I don't know a damn thing about kids, but on the other hand, she doesn't care, but on the first hand again, it's 20 miles away and I'd need a car, but on the second hand again, I need a car anyway but can't afford to buy one until I have income.
And on that second hand is the fact that Dave's savings are gone now, so mine are next and then we'll be, well, hungry. Because we no longer have any income at all. I can go on for another two or three months but I'd really rather not go through everything. Income is a good idea.
But I don't want to get a job that's not going to let me take the week for Thanksgiving to go home and see my family. I have been terribly homesick for my family, and going home to just see Mom and Dad hasn't been enough.
So, something entirely irrelevant to any of my fields of study, but with guaranteed holidays off, sounds really tempting.
On the other hand, Kevin told Dave about a job he's interviewing for (he's a quality control engineer) at a well-known manufacturer of SCSI drives and fiber-optic networking stuff. "Get me a job," Dave said jokingly.
"C++ programmer?" Kevin asked. "Software engineer?"
Startled, "Yes," Dave answered.
"Sure, they're hiring for that," Kevin said.
Checking up on it at the website at home, Dave confirmed that indeed they were looking for someone. Someone like him. In two months he will have the degree they want. And they're less than 10 miles away from here.
"If you get a job there," I told him, "I would love to stay in Buffalo a little while." His family really is touchingly happy to have him here. It is cheap to live here. i don't *need* a good job. I am becoming increasingly convinced as I contemplate the job-finding process that I am not *meant* for the corporate environment. The very thought of getting another job like the one I had at ADL fills me with dread. The cubicles, the unspoken code of non-ethics, the being judged on things completely irrelevant to my job, the deliberate sabotage by management, the ridiculous paranoia, the flickering fluorescent lights, the monitor that wiggled---- I dunno...
Ah well. Much to ponder upon, but little desire to get up and do anything about it.
