muh.

[dragonlady7]

obstacles.
i have been trying like crazy to get one of my fanfic stories done-- because, sort of pathetically, i've gotten very little actually done in the last few months, and this story is ambitious enough to be a kind of consolation prize for not having finished the novel i was so totally going to finish. (I actually need to re-start it, entirely, kind of from scratch, which is a huge bummer.)

but the story is progressing slowly-- huge structural advances, but when i go to write the scenes I've sketched in they come out flat, and i am beginning to wonder about several of my plot points, whether they can actually carry the weight i have placed upon them, whilst not distorting any of the characters i have so painstakingly been developing. now it strikes me that culturally and personally, several of the characters would not have the reactions i need them to in order to support the plot.
sigh.

i've had some fun sidetracks, but not productive ones, yet.
I was going to do some smut, and I've got some of it mentally choreographed, but I haven't had any luck in just getting them out into words. I know what has to happen, which is half the battle, but how to get the characters to actually do it is another thing entirely.

It has been an immense help to have one particular HASA member leave supportive comments. I don't know her from anywhere else, but she always responds nearly immediately when I update, and leaves enthusiastic comments. Oddly, that means a lot; not to be mean, but she tends to be somewhat incoherent, and says little other than "your stuff is great", but the fact that she cares means a whole lot. Nobody else seems to be reading the stuff, which is just as well because it's not finished.
I wish I were the sort of person who thrived on harsh and incisive criticism, but I'm really not. Not yet. I'm working on it. I guess that's just a truth of my state just now-- it took me five years before I'd let another human read any fiction I wrote, and its been another six or seven that I've been trying to learn how to actually write for other humans. I guess pompom-waving works better for me than anything else at the moment. But knowing that I'm oversensitive is probably half the battle.

But mostly, the whole reason I turned to fanfiction remains applicable-- I needed someone to care that I was writing, and to be enthusiastic. I couldn't achieve that with original characters. So i've absorbed myself in someone else's characters, with the ready-made fanbase that includes, and it has been working well for me. I've learned a lot since I posted my first fic (archived at HASA, hurrah for me, (called The Clasp Undone) but it'd be way different and better if I wrote it now).

I suppse that should be incentive for me to finish what I'm working on now. If I can get the scenes written, and can edit them out of their flatness into some sort of interesting configuration, then there's considerable hope that the story will be far better than anything I have previously 'published'.

I seem to be a prolific whiner today. Ah well. I have some tuna salad to make, and then I'm going to attempt to get my two main characters to fuck. They just won't, and the scene is drawn-out and G-rated, and boring. If only they'll get into bed I have much more hope that the story will work out...

Comments

[jennnlee.livejournal.com]

How far into the novel are you, now that you realize you have to start over? If it makes you feel any better, the same thing happened to me with The Book. I was about 1/3 of the way through when I realized I needed to start over, which meant about six months of work down the drain. Although I was able to use some of it in the new first draft, so it wasn't totally wasted.

Anyway, just wanted to tell you I've been there, and I feel your pain.

Good luck getting the characters to fuck. Sometimes Ell and I set out to write some smut and we can't get the characters to stop talking. Highly annoying...

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

I wrote about 400,000 words between January and April.
Most of it was character development, to be honest. The plot was sucky. And the setting was flat. So when I told myself it was nearly done, I was talking out my ass.

So, I can sort of use the character development, I guess.
Except I'm entirely changing the main female character. Like, entirely. From a light-hearted and innocent general's daughter, into a, well, spy and possibly courtesan.
So. Kind of a major change.
But it's a much more interesting story this way.
Especially since I'm leaving the main male character unchanged. In the previous draft, he marries the young innocent girl. Now he marries the, well, harlot double-agent. Way more interesting.
I hope.
Especially given the honorable civilized barbarian characterization I'm sticking to with him.

Anyhow. I think I have enough enthusiasm to get me through the rewrite, but... not yet. I need to finish something of a more modest scale first, and I think fanfiction would be that.

But yes, at the moment, Eomer seems mostly to be interested in character development, and you'd think he'd be more eager to, y'know, get down to business. But no. You know, he's a lot like my boyfriend that way. Whoops, did I say that? ;)

[jennnlee.livejournal.com]

400,000? Yowza. That's more like 4 books. :-)

Eh, shut Eomer up with a kiss. That's what worked for me when I wrote Eomer smut.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Erm, well, it's the wedding feast. And they haven't actually gone out to the table yet. So I can't.
I think I might fast-forward and go back and fill in the rest of the leading-up part (I know, stupid plot) later, just to get it done. Otherwise they'll be talking all week.

You've written Eomer smut? What kind? Where is it?

[jennnlee.livejournal.com]

I think it's still up at OSA, under "Jennifer Lee." Just a PWP, called "Celebration."

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is.
It's cute. Yes, I can see how he's a man that might need to be climbed.

I was inspired to post an ancient draft of an abandoned Eomer-smut story there. (In THAT draft, he did what he was SUPPOSED to.) It doesn't fit in with the whole cycle I have at HASA, which i had to start over, but that draft had some really compelling moments that I can't re-use.
OSA is a cute site, in its own way. Arcane navigation, though. Woof.