dragonlady7

I've been digging through my old files. I won't say what I was looking in there for, but deep in the heart of the dump of disorganized stuff from my old computer two computers ago, I found a little file called "quotes.htm". Ah yes...

We had a big old roll of paper that we kept in our living room in Rochester when I was an undergrad. Whenever anyone said something funny, we would write it down on this roll of paper.

One day, while I was teaching myself HTML, I copied the quotes off of this scroll and put them into "quotes.htm".

Well...

Some of these are totally not funny. I mean, it was 2001, I was on the fencing club team, and I spent every friday drunk and naked with these people. (Not so much drunk, but yes, naked.)
But a few remain gems, even out of context.

Sharon: We'll play that pen vs. sword game, and we get the swords.

Matty (to Lyons): And then all you'd need would be a big sticker on your forehead that says "loser"... oh wait, that would be redundant.

Bridget: I have sore muscles in embarrassing places.

Laura: Dave, don't pass out on the floor. Ruskin: It's better than him passing out outside. We can kick him in here.

A somewhat squashed Matty, to Erik, who is attempting to share the fuzzy chair: Not to invoke the laws of geology on this ass, but you're on top, which means you came last.

Justin: Can I bring a friend? Bridget: Is she hot? Justin: Not really. Bridget: Not in it for her looks, eh? Justin: I'm not in it.

Jeremy: So where am I going to put this? Sharon giggles. Jeremy: Do you have any idea how hard this is?!!

Darius: I've got to figure out the physics of the thing because somehow she ended up on top.

And some of them are only funny if you know the people involved.

Matty: I'm sorry Jeremy, I'm just not naked yet.

Matty: I won't try to moon your mother.

Laura: I don't know where the kidneys are, so I'll have to kick you a few times just to make sure.

Sharon (to Bridget): You haven't seen me naked! Bridget looks puzzled: I haven't?

Jessie is petting Jeremy's hair. Jeremy looks blissful. Sharon: He's such a puppy. Jeremy: If I had a tail, it'd be wagging right now. Sharon: Be careful or he'll start humping your leg. Matty's eyes light up and he reaches for Jeremy's hair.

Sharon: I meant to nibble but I bit a little too hard.

Jessie: You haven't seen my a--- [pauses thoughtfully] You haven't seen my ass naked!!!

Darius: I can't shoot her with a machete, dumbass!

Ruskin: I've never been very inarticulate-- er, articulate.

Ruskin: Your hands are cold. Jessie: I've been dealing with meat, what do you want. Ruskin: You always get frigid when you deal with meat.

Jeremy (watching Ruskin try to operate a vacuum cleaner): You have to plug it in first, Dave. Jessie: I don't sleep with him, I honestly don't.

Darius: He likes my build? In men or women?