please God let this be PMS

[dragonlady7]

You know, for no particular reason it's just occurred to me that maybe I'm not as good a writer as I thought I was.

It's just one of those thoughts you have sometimes.

I wonder what happens if that's true?

I dunno. I just always assumed I was really good...

Well. I hope it's that time of the month, because that makes this whole issue that much easier, but honestly I've lost count so I don't know. Oh well.

There is no text smilie to encompass the face I just made (to punctuate this whole thing) at the dog, who has been driving me crazy today and is now sleeping on the cord to my mouse. I'm not feeling bitter, or depressed, or particularly melodramatic, just sort of simultaneously amused and bewildered. But that's not the same as bemused...

God, I hope it's that time of the month. ... It might explain this weird phantom pain in my right ovary... but then it might not.

Oh shoot me, I just wrote the word 'ovary' in a blog posting. It's all too much.

Aw, crap. The downside of putting the computer in a spot where I could be comfortable is that it gets shitty wireless internet reception, and I've just been disconnected. Feather plucker!

Comments

[lindorien.livejournal.com]

Um...I think your a pretty damned good writer.

[dragonlady7.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That is an exceedingly kind thing to say, and does really mean a lot to me to hear. :)

I wasn't having a crisis so much as thinking... well, you know how when you're little, and your mom tells you you're special, and you kind of become known for whatever your specialty is? For about fifteen years I was the best writer in my peer group, and I'm sort of used to that. I was just thinking, you know, maybe I was never that good and I just thought I was because that was my thing.

Of course it's different when you're a 'grown up' and all, but I was trying to work my way up to thinking: Maybe I'm not the best writer in the world, and maybe I'm not even the best writer in my peer group, but does that really matter?

So I was going to be the youngest novelist I knew of-- I started my first one when I was eleven-- but I never finished it, and some kid published a novel at fourteen anyway. So I was going to be the greatest novelist ever but you know, there really is no 'ever', and 'greatest' is pretty subjective.

So oh well! I'll keep plugging and be what I am. It's probably more indigestion than PMS anyway.