The Itching, continued

[dragonlady7]

There IS no itching.
None.
It's in my head.
If I don't think about it, then it won't happen.
Therefore, I do not itch.
It is psychosomatic and therefore insubstantial and therefore has no right to happen. RIGHT? Yes.
SURE.
I don't itch.
La, la, la, la. I can't feel you.

Denial. I simply deny it.

I am not thinking about not thinking about it. I am NOT.

Soo....
Spacebar, huh? What a fascinating invention. What a concept. Isn't that neat? Neat-O. Sure thing. Yup. I'm, ah, fascinated. Sure enough.

Yup. Ahhh... Yes. I hit the spacebar twice by accident a lot lately. I wonder what that's all about. Weird.

I'm trying to totally distract myself, but it's hard to concentrate on anything, and if I pay attention to what I'm doing (i.e. working to distract myself) then I remember why, and it comes back.

Damn it. If it's in my head, mostly, then why is it so bad? Shouldn't psychosomatic things be easier to deal with? I mean, sure, there are people who suffer terribly from psychosomatic stuff, not to disrespect them or imply that their suffering isn't real in any way, or any of that...
But come on, it's just an itch.
Crap, I was doing well there for a minute, and then I got back to the root cause.
Craaaaap.

So. Something arcane and yet fascinating, to ponder. Ahh... Hmm...

Well, I read all 300-odd comments on Dooce's entry about how to take a baby on an airplane. Even though most of the assclowns who commented hadn't read what had already been written, and so, seriously, 150 people suggested feeding the baby during ascent and descent as if it were the most original and brilliant fucking idea ever. Jeez. If I'm going to waste someone's time I'll at least invest a little of my own in doing so, and see what others have said. Honestly. I am not exaggerating-- 100 people. And only about 2 of them (also not an exaggeration) said "I'm sorry, I don't have time to read all the others, I just wanted to share my personal experience since I've done this and you asked"--- I'd say easily 75 of those who reduplicated advice prefaced it with "man, all these other commenters are morons" (so they read them, and didn't notice the 149 others who'd given the precise same advice?) and added "I'm not a parent and I've never been on a plane but my aunt / cousin / a person I saw on TV once totally said you should breastfeed on takeoff and landing."
Yeah.

She turned off comments after like 350 comments. Honestly, the very first commenter, a veteran traveler and parent, told her everything she needed. Most of those afterward simply reduplicated that advice, which made me wonder at their competence; surely it wouldn't be too hard to read at least THE FIRST comment, since you have to scroll down past it anyway, right?
Jeez.

Some of the comments were amusing. Her audience demographic runs from people who IN ALL SERIOUSNESS recommended putting a shot of whiskey into the baby's bottle (an ENTIRE, 1.5-oz. shot, for a 4-month-old baby of under 16 pounds), to people who IN ALL SERIOUSNESS claimed that giving a baby a pediatrician-approved dosage of Benadryl was ABUSE.
Amusing. Dooce must love abuse, to turn comments on; her commenters have always been like that. (Yes, I've been bored before and read comments back before she permanently disabled them. Why do you ask?)

So, that annoyed me enough that it was a total distraction for a little while. Dooce, you and your idiot readers totally rule. Crap. Crap, the itching just came back and I TOTALLY wasn't thinking about it! I was ranting! Did you see that? I was ranting! I wasn't even ranting about it! I was ranting about blogfans! Jee-zus! It just came and clobbered me outta nowhere! And this rant isn't working because it's still ITCHING.

BASTARDS, ALL OF YOU. FUCK YOU, NERVE ENDINGS!!! AUGHHHH!!!!

Come ON, I don't need to feel things with my BACK. Fry yourselves out already!

Sigh.

*does the Appease The Itch Gods Dance with terrycloth towel*
I hope Dave's mom doesn't come in here while I'm doing this. The woman must already think I'm crazy. I don't think I can explain The Itch Gods Dance.

Comments

[qowf.livejournal.com]

Why are you itching and where? You may have a heat activated virus. I used to itch like that and it was a virus; nothing nasty, but I required a shot to stop itching. I suffered for a month before going to see a dermatologist. Six hours after leaving, I did not itch.

As for taking a baby on an airplane, I have been ther and done that quite a bit.

[qowf.livejournal.com]

Ah. Sunburn.

I just read your other post. I'm quick, aren't I?