Freewrite #2

[dragonlady7]

Continuing the freewriting exercises, I've entitled this one:
"The Contents of the Kleenex With Which I Blew My Mind This Morning"

which struck me as witty when I composed it (while waiting for the clock to line up to 10:15 for a nice round number), but now isn't so witty.
Well, I'm warming up. Maybe these will improve in the future. But, they haven't yet. Ick.

Freewrite #2
15 minutes
The Contents of the Kleenex With Which I Blew My Mind This Morning
Go!

This place is a mess. i was hoping Ann woucl come over and help me clean it,. I was caounting on Ann to come over and help me clean it. Now she hsasn't called and I can't reach ehr and i don't think she's ocomging so nw I have to take care of it mywelf. I should've just doen it right away when I was first inspired, but now, she had to say she'd come. Man. Now i'm totally uninspired. i had good ideas, but I don't know if I can move the furniture myself and getting Dave to do heavy lisfting is just inhuman. i think that dresser weighs more than he does anyway.
I cannot believe the nys dept of labor. I was on the phone for an hour this morning, just pushing buttons and hitting redial when they hung up on me. And i finally get through to discover that they've forgotten to explain how this works on their website, so all ov my efforts ofer the bpast three days have been entirely in vain. if they'd told me that, i wuoldn't have bothered, and they're be able to reduce the trarffic on their precious phone line. That's ridiculous. absolutlely bloody ridiculous.
and now i don't know if i'll have guests for dinner or not, and i din't know if they're coming at all or when, and if they do come i'll be ahsamed the place is a shambles, but if they don't come i'll feel a fool for not having cleaned ti earlier this week, and i just can't get organized and i'm so frustrated. I'd forgotten what it was like, working at home, and all the little frustrations that build up. it's really hard to believe in yourself and take yourself seriously when you're sitting on your butt on the couch because your desk is too much of a mess and your computer fits better on the coffee table anyway. yes i'm working, and this is real actual work, and it's both more difficult and more rewarding than the work i was doing at the company, but i don't know, it's just as tiring, and nobody believes you when you say it's realy work. everyone's sp skeptical, and sort of nods their head and smiles when i say i'm a writer. sure, they say, and how long do you have until the unemployment benefits rung out? hopefully your old empolyrer will still vige you a reference.
amyn, i'm a much worse typist than i 'd thought i was. this no-backspancing thing is a real pain. maybe i should learn dvorak to increase my typing speed. but the speed ins't the issue, it's the accuracy. Heh. I could relax the backspace rule, right? No, no, I will be stanch. Staunch. And will work hard. And this isn't bothering me ata ll, that I can't type properly and can't rpoofread as I go. It's ok. I don't mind. Nope, nope, not at all. Monkey monkey. Monkey is sitting on the bronze eagle with a n american flag looking all cuete and plushy like stuffed anmilas do.
i'd forgotten how lonely working from home could be. not that i enjoeyed working in the office, and pretending o be nice to people whosea ctions i found moreally repugnant or just plain unpleasant. i really don't miss dan looking at my boobs all the time; i mean, i understand once in a while, they ARE right there, but all the time gotr really old. i didn't wear tight shirts or anything. and that day when he was obviously trying to lokk up my skkirt was just too much. i suppose i don't miss that at all. and i don't miss having my personal space invaded by a verbally abuseive and not-so-pleasant smelling boss all the time. with no voice moderation volume control. that's not such a bad thing to miss.
but i do get a little lonely sitting here. it's hard to take yourself seriously as ap rovfessional when your daily conversations are mostly with... the animated monkeys in your solitaire gaime.
that's an awesome solitaire game, though. i have to say-- i never once played solitaire at work. i've never played solitaire on the job when working for anyone elese. Not that I was more devoted when I worked for someone else-- far from it. i spent most of my time at work on forums. Ostensibly learning the skills I needed to to do the job they had me doing, but for the msot part I was just reading because I was interedsted and the job was boring. i supose that was most of my social interaction at that period of my life-- i didn't get along with most of my coworkers and certainly hated working there. perhaps... funny, now that i'm on my own time, i don't go to the forums as much. i don't know why. i like them, still, but i think i've said all that could be said in some cases, and since it's marginally part of my job now, it's hard to view going there as a break. Also, going there has a habit of eating my morning. So, for the first time, on the job, i've fired up solitaire. Burning Monkey solitaire, no less, which I have to say is an awesome game, ad i think i already said that. witter, witter, witter, i'm not even saying anything interesting, but that's the point, right? this is to open my writing pores or whatever, open the trackways, and blow the gunk out of my brains o ia hve time to worry about more important things, like what the hell i'm going to do with that story idea.
can i do a postapocalyptic neolithic aege? ow mcuh research do i have to do now? Hm. I wonder. I should d research population levels historically and projected, and should by all means... er, should by no measns venture near space.com anymore as i wasted an entire morning on there getting inspired, but mostly reading about astronomy and astrobiology and cosmolgy and things i'll never be able to fully comprehend. so, a kind of waste of time. but god, that place is so addcitive. i love science periodical s too. funny... i was really good in science until it started qerequiriing too much advanced math. it really sucks that i coul dnever master math. man, that's going t be another of my eternal mpointless grudges. i can't believe i never managed to learn algebra II. I wish they'd done more trig becdause I understood it. Bummer.
I wonder... No, I am not going to take adult remedial algebra. I have too much trouble dealing with my existence as it is. I am not oing to stop writing and start learning math because I haven't a hope ovf ever being good at it and really haven't the time to devote. When am I going to finish that novel I'mve been working on for 11 years? When am I going to finish the three or four stories I've got kicking around?
How many genres could I make this neolithic story into if I kept plugging? Hmm... I had fun last night making fun otf it to Dave... I think I got SF, hard SF, some wacky side-versions of SEF... humor... erotica... erotic humor... Why is it that everything turns ot erotica with me? i'm hopeless. You know, I think half an hour is too long for these. I need to revise the essay and just say fifteen minutes. half an hour of this would kill me. And i odn't have that kind of time. Who has that kind of time? MPeople might think that the longer tehey do it every day the better off they'll be, and we can't have that. It would kill popeoiple. God. My fingers are so cold I cannot type. I even turned the het up but to be honest I can't tell the difference. Oh, I just got a mail. i wonder if it's from anyone impotrtant. Iehh. Probably not.
Oh well.
I'm nearly dne now i think.Not supposed to watch the clock but it's right tere, i can't help glancing at it.
Hm.
Well, I need to restructure the blog, fix the adsense stuff, get the category headings working, nd overhaul all the templates. dave told me how, and i've totally forgotten in the intervening three weeks ... I can't believe what an airhead I can be. but it's probably not worth dealing with at this point-- the eairheadedness I mean.. I'll just move on and try to learn from how stupid I've been in the past.
I don't think I've written one thing of note in these freewrites so far. I was secretly hoping they'd turn out to be good.
nope.
Oop, times up. Wordcount (out of morbid curiosity): 1498
Dis-tur-bing, man. Totally.