via
https://ift.tt/2YEalI7So on our wild Friday night, we contemplated our options, and I pointed out that if we all sat around and watched Dr. F play Witcher 3, we’d probably actually get more fun socialization than if we watched a movie or something.
That proved to be the case. MathMom and I each got ourselves a collection of drinkies, and neither of us really attempted to do any crafting projects, and Dr. F loaded up the game and we all settled in.
(there won’t be another session tonight. Just this moment, as he lay on the couch looking at his phone, Dr. F mused, “This is my last night of overnight call for a while. If I don’t get called in tonight, then I’m…” His phone rang. “Oh for fucking real?” He picked it up. “Nine pm? Okay.” He sighed. “I can’t believe I just did that.” “You kind of jinxed yourself,” I said. “I did,” he admitted.
Start time 8:30. PM.
He’d managed to get past level 2 the previous session, and this one, in pretty short order once he figured out how to make bombs he destroyed a monster nest and some ghouls and blew into level 3 pretty easily. From then, it was time to run around and pick flowers and then systematically clear the rest of the map in order to try to prepare to kill the griffin that’d then get the Nilfgaardian commander to tell you where Yennefer went.
He made one attempt at the griffin, and it took three shots to absolutely obliterate poor Geralt. So, back to the original plan of clearing the rest of the map first.
We had a couple bandit camps left, some minor sidequests (finding treasure, clearing monster nests), and a bunch of random shit in the woods to find. Oh, and two level 6 wraiths that Dr. F had deemed “a little too spicy” to take on in our present state.
One bandit camp, Geralt managed to loot while the bandits were wandering around in the woods, and didn’t kill any of them. Wolves showed up, and we discovered to our delight that we actually are leveled up enough to kill them, given enough of a drop on them and not too many of them present. Still, mostly the approach for wolves at level 3 remains to run the fuck away.
Another bandit camp, Dr. F went to great lengths to manage to climb up to it, managed to get up there and beautifully obliterate the bandit guard, and then– fucking plunged to his death right off the side of the wall because he just walked off it. Whoops.
Reload, try again. For some reason, the leader of the bandits is a man in a metal helmet with a huge polearm and… no clothes. He’s got underpants on and that’s it. What the fuck, buddy.
Later we discovered that the leader of every bandit group is a man in a metal helmet with a huge polearm and clad only in underpants. What even.
“That guy’s entrails,” Dr. F said drily, “are all over the place.” There was also a gratuitous slow-motion shot as he cut a man’s legs off at the femurs. Later, he managed to kill two guys with one sword hit. Very exciting stuff.
We started to get rowdy when the phrase “Superior Beast Oil” came up. (I think the recipe for it was in some loot chest or something.) MathMom was like… “Uhhh… can we take that upstairs?”
“I’ll show you Superior Beast Oil,” Dr. F growled distractedly, navigating his Geralt, now clad in some monstrosity of a beat-up looted gambeson with better stats than his original shiny but low-stats Kaer Morhen maille, neatly over the edge of a ravine so that he made a series of grunting noises and landed in some dirt. “Whoops.”
There was also more merriment when DF started getting serious about leveling up Geralt’s gear, and loaded him up and swapped out his pants and boots and things. “He needs boot jewelry,” MM mused. This set us off on a tangent about what, exactly, boot jewelry is, and um how much of it she has purchased or made for herself while trapped in the house on lockdown. “I’m going to emerge from this [quarantine] plump, pale, and bedazzled,” she concluded.
“Like a Pennsic bellydancer,” Dr. F said.
“Like me, on a Tuesday,” I said, but that was a lie, because I don’t usually put much jewelry on lately. (Ooh, I have some on now.)
But the real fun began when Dr. F decided to go down to the beach to clear out some drowners and loot some abandoned shit. “Let’s go to the beach,” he said.
MM instantly went to A Place and began to recite the lyrics of LMFAO’s Sexy And I Know It. “When I’m at the beach, I’m in a Speedo tryin’ to tan my cheeks, what!”
Unforch there’s no Speedo option for Geralt, and this is tragic. “Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle!” Dr. F set about destroying some drowners very efficiently, as MM and I set one another off in fits of giggles for no good reason. She brought up Sorry For Party Rockin’ on her phone, and we sang it while DF kept actually playing the game, including swimming out to the middle of the lake for some really disappointing loot.
After getting all the loot, DF scrolled through various inventory screens. In an absolutely devastating blow to our composure, one of the things he’d picked up was a recipe for Slyzard Oil.
Now, I know enough about the Witcher universe to recognize that a Slyzard is a thing, but I was helpless to explain this in the face of the others’ merriment. “Is a Slyzard the creature you milk to get sizzurp?” DF managed to inquire, which made MM laugh so hard she actually was in some distress.
There was also an aside where it was mentioned that there’s an Enhanced Beast Oil, to which DF objected, saying he didn’t need no stinking enhancement, but we let that fall by the wayside as a meme and have fixated pretty hard on the Superior one. (Apparently it involves bisongrass. I know where to get bisongrass vodka. I could make a cocktail out of this.) (If nobody is making sexual lubricant called Superior Beast Oil, that is a fucking waste and a travesty. Please link me if you find some.)
Anyway. Managed to knock over both wraiths and clear out the crypt, which was less exciting than we’d expected. So, thusly armed and prepared, we went back to where we’d left Vesemir standing in a field, and tried the griffin again.
The griffin killed Geralt rather easily again, and we pondered things, then decided to cut our losses and go to bed.
“It’ll be really disappointing,” DF reflected, “if I did this whole level on Death March and have to drop the difficulty just to get the final boss.” So he finally let us look up how to kill the thing, and read a walkthrough on his phone I think, and was like, “Ok, that’s enough details, I’ll try that.”
“Please tell me,” MM said, “that it involves Superior Beast Oil.”
“Mm,” he said, “no, but we could come to an arrangement.”
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
