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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2eYnqWe:sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your post “i just got half a second to sit down at a computer and attempt to…”
I read it at, I dunno, 9 Eastern Friday night and then waited to comment because I figured you’d be deluged – so I don’t know whether I read the original of the fixed version. Regardless, it’s lovely, and no typos distracted me (and that kind of thing usually does). It drives me batshit to feel like people are judging me on stuff that isn’t even accurate, so I feel you. Hugs.
ohh, people aren’t judging me, that hasn’t been a problem. i’m upset because it wasn’t my best representation of myself, but that’s not really even the issue. people have been nothing but supportive. Really every single person who has mentioned anything has been only helpful and kind and well-intentioned.
it’s just. i don’t *get* deluged, and it’s very sad that in a work I know I’ll be lucky to get a dozen comments on, a bunch of that precious Special Validation ™ was wasted (in my brain’s perception, see) on telling me (helpfully!) about my mistake. You know? I post things sometimes because I need a pick-me-up and crave the attention, and if I’m too busy cringing, that makes that sort of… not work.
I know the chapters of the epics get more feedback, but they also take so much more effort, and i just– didn’t have that in me, I was so down last week and the week before, I was just in the dumps, and I just needed to indulge my id and be validated. And I fucked up– maybe I’m not clear enough about that, it was my mistake and that’s what I’m upset about, that I screwed up, and writing is the only thing in my life I’m any good at so it’s just brutal on the self-esteem when I fuck it up– so that didn’t even work. And then I’m like, wah, why didn’t I take what little competence i had and just– direct it toward the epic, which more people will read, etcetera etcetera. But I can’t really torture myself like that; I didn’t have it in me to work out the epic plot, I’m tangled in it and i know where to go but it’s hard complicated work, and I’m just not capable right this instant. It needs focus and dedication, and I just wanted to write a meet-cute with kitties in it instead because I needed hugs.
I did get some amusement out of the idea that I’d get deluged, though, so thank you for that. I am Small Potatoes, and I am grateful for the status of even being potatoes at all, but I am for certain Small Potatoes. If you look at the stats it’s like wow those epics have so many comment threads! and sure, they do, but figure, that’s going up a chapter at a time over a span of months, of course there’s more conversation going on surrounding that than in a one-shot.
And part of the reason for my Small Potato status, surely, is that I am so incredibly graceless about everything, but I can’t really– do much about that, I don’t have very much cope and it’s a vicious cycle. I’m trying to take care of myself without hurting anybody and then you pile social anxiety on top of it and I’m pretty much irrevocably convinced that there’s not much hope for me.
Blarghh. The worst is just that I know this is so icky and gross of me to talk about but i don’t know what else to do. I’m sorry I’m like this but I don’t have anybody else to be, currently.
I read it at, I dunno, 9 Eastern Friday night and then waited to comment because I figured you’d be deluged – so I don’t know whether I read the original of the fixed version. Regardless, it’s lovely, and no typos distracted me (and that kind of thing usually does). It drives me batshit to feel like people are judging me on stuff that isn’t even accurate, so I feel you. Hugs.
ohh, people aren’t judging me, that hasn’t been a problem. i’m upset because it wasn’t my best representation of myself, but that’s not really even the issue. people have been nothing but supportive. Really every single person who has mentioned anything has been only helpful and kind and well-intentioned.
it’s just. i don’t *get* deluged, and it’s very sad that in a work I know I’ll be lucky to get a dozen comments on, a bunch of that precious Special Validation ™ was wasted (in my brain’s perception, see) on telling me (helpfully!) about my mistake. You know? I post things sometimes because I need a pick-me-up and crave the attention, and if I’m too busy cringing, that makes that sort of… not work.
I know the chapters of the epics get more feedback, but they also take so much more effort, and i just– didn’t have that in me, I was so down last week and the week before, I was just in the dumps, and I just needed to indulge my id and be validated. And I fucked up– maybe I’m not clear enough about that, it was my mistake and that’s what I’m upset about, that I screwed up, and writing is the only thing in my life I’m any good at so it’s just brutal on the self-esteem when I fuck it up– so that didn’t even work. And then I’m like, wah, why didn’t I take what little competence i had and just– direct it toward the epic, which more people will read, etcetera etcetera. But I can’t really torture myself like that; I didn’t have it in me to work out the epic plot, I’m tangled in it and i know where to go but it’s hard complicated work, and I’m just not capable right this instant. It needs focus and dedication, and I just wanted to write a meet-cute with kitties in it instead because I needed hugs.
I did get some amusement out of the idea that I’d get deluged, though, so thank you for that. I am Small Potatoes, and I am grateful for the status of even being potatoes at all, but I am for certain Small Potatoes. If you look at the stats it’s like wow those epics have so many comment threads! and sure, they do, but figure, that’s going up a chapter at a time over a span of months, of course there’s more conversation going on surrounding that than in a one-shot.
And part of the reason for my Small Potato status, surely, is that I am so incredibly graceless about everything, but I can’t really– do much about that, I don’t have very much cope and it’s a vicious cycle. I’m trying to take care of myself without hurting anybody and then you pile social anxiety on top of it and I’m pretty much irrevocably convinced that there’s not much hope for me.
Blarghh. The worst is just that I know this is so icky and gross of me to talk about but i don’t know what else to do. I’m sorry I’m like this but I don’t have anybody else to be, currently.
