my personal hell

[dragonlady7]

problems, i saw that post about dyscalculia actually being a memory deficit and oh i felt that, i can't remember a category long enough to put a second thing in, hell, pure hell

via https://ift.tt/Tr2nxX9

LOL ok so. I’ve been in buffalo for a week now. And i bought a car, which wasn’t nothing. But I’ve had like. a small to-do list. We had every window in the house replaced (except for one, hilariously, which will remain as a testament to the original state of the house; it was enclosed by a three-season porch and so is a window from an interior room to an, effectively, seasonally, interior room, so we opted not to change it. we do open it in the summer. the cat loves it.) so all of the furniture was stacked against interior walls and, the house being from 1950 and having plaster walls, everything was covered in a fine layer of plaster dust. so i was gonna clean up and then put the furniture back. Simple, right? Dust things, shove things. No problem.

But like. there were shelves from the bathroom stacked in the office and I realized the contents of the shelves were untouched dusty things we’d forgotten about, so I took everything off those shelves first. Had to get those sorted, and back into the bathroom, before we could rearrange the office furniture, yeah? So I sat down Saturday morning to start on that, so we could rearrange the office furniture in the afternoon.

uh it’s Wednesday my dudes, and I’m still working on that. It turns out there were depths of despair there and in the linen closet, things untouched for a decade, silted-in. I found jewelry I took off while traveling in 2012 and left in the travel toiletries organizer, and then have spent a decade looking for and pining after and trying unsuccessfully to replace. I found a very sentimental ring in a ziploc baggie in a box, lost for at least nine years. I found countless cosmetics and toiletries that dated back as far as 1998. (I haven’t quite thown out that lipstick I used to wear clubbing and for sloppy lesbian makeouts in bathrooms in Edinburgh. It’s no good anymore and it has to go, but. Oh man. That was this lifetime and that was me. Really???? I never did figure out how to wear lipstick without it looking really stupid after the first drink/kiss etc, I don’t think there’s actually a trick I just think everyone else is more patient with reapplications than my ronald mcdonald ass.)

I went out yesterday, big outing in my new car, and bought new storage bins, hopefully to corral and sort things. But it turns out my personal brain holes are myriad and vast and deep when it comes specifically to sorting and categorizing items. It’s tiny decisions I simply lack the capacity to make. Every single item I pull out and try to sort into a pile and I wind up with not discrete piles of categories, but rather a single flat layer across the entire surface, with each object in its own pile because I do not know how to sort it.

And I know what happens if I sort things into a cute storage basket: it will sit there, untouched, until some calamity makes me haul the entire thing out and upend it.

So, I don’t really know what to do, and I have achieved nothing else of note in the last four days. I have made an unholy mess of the office, where the furniture is still stacked, unusable, against the non-window wall, and now the floor is covered in shit. I’ve hauled out two big trashbags (ok, one big and one small trashbag) of things that are unequivocally expired and unusable, things I well-meaningly filed in the memory hole in 2012 or so when I bought that shelf and then never touched again, things I’ve just learned to do without, forgetting I owned them.

So anyway I’ll probably die here, RIP.

But at least I got to use the nifty cargo net that came with my new car to hold the overpriced clear plastic storage bins I bought at TJ Maxx in place in the trunk of my beautiful new car, so that’s now going to get filed and never used again but at least I used it once. It’s so fancy! Bye. (Your picture was not posted)

Comments

[which_chick]

Your descriptions of sorting... things really resonates. I've been doing a cleanout project and it's just so damn hard to stay on task because I don't really want to get rid of stuff. I am making progress (small, clearly defined goals and regular progress reports help me get on with it) but it's ruthless, painful progress (kind of like cutting off your trapped hand to free the rest of your body). I mean, yeah, definitely the correct option compared to dying but... ugh.