(no subject)

[dragonlady7]

last name is now, he also wrote that goose game post that was so amazing

via https://ift.tt/38pDzOg

motleystitches https://motleystitches.tumblr.com/post/660530704600449024/schmergo-wearethekat-likeniobe-its-really :

schmergo https://schmergo.tumblr.com/post/660522177111670784/wearethekat-likeniobe-its-really-important-that :

wearethekat https://wearethekat.tumblr.com/post/654730632586526721/likeniobe-its-really-important-that-everyone :

likeniobe http://likeniobe.tumblr.com/post/166397518856/its-really-important-that-everyone-read-mallory :

it’s really important that everyone read mallory ortberg’s sir gawain and the green knight parody http://the-toast.net/2015/06/03/sir-gawain-and-the-green-knight/

agree 100%. so important that I am going to paste the rest of it here. (one note– I think that the author goes by Daniel Ortberg nowadays, but don’t quote me on that. regardless, Ortberg is a treasure)

GAWAIN: your clothes – your hair – your face – they’re all green

GREEN KNIGHT: that’s not all of me that’s green

GAWAIN: what is that supposed to mean

GREEN KNIGHT: let’s play a game you hit me today and i’ll hit you a year from now

GAWAIN: it’s Christmas

GREEN KNIGHT: fine hit me today and i’ll hit you a year and a day from now happy?

GAWAIN: I don’t understand the rules of this game or the prize what is the end goal here

GREEN KNIGHT: are you going to try to cut my head off or what

[GAWAIN cuts the GREEN KNIGHT’s head off]

GREEN KNIGHT: great hit see you in a year

[The GREEN KNIGHT picks his head up and rides away]

GAWAIN: oh my God

KING ARTHUR: honestly my advice to you is not even worry about this

GUINEVERE: yeah do not take this seriously

GAWAIN: why would I do that that’s a terrible idea this man can’t die and I have to let him strike me in a year

KING ARTHUR: look i just said that was my advice

GREEN KNIGHT: welcome to my castle, we’ve definitely never cut off each other’s heads before, my name is Bertilak and I am a regular human color, how are you

GAWAIN: Hello thank you for your hospitality, but I cannot stay long I have an appointment with a man at the Green Chapel in a few days

GREEN KNIGHT: that is JUST down the road from here, probably you should just stay here until it’s time for that, stay here with me and my wife

GAWAIN: very well I accept

GREEN KNIGHT: oh but shoot I have to go on a hunt, like right now so why don’t we just agree to play a game for as long as you’re staying here where I bring you whatever I find during the day and you bring me whatever you find during the day

GAWAIN: what an odd suggestion why don’t I just come hunting with you instead?

GREEN KNIGHT: NO YOU STAY HERE IN THE CASTLE AND YOU GIVE ME WHATEVER YOU FIND HERE

GAWAIN: but you already own everything in the castle, it’s your c –

GREEN KNIGHT: I WILL SEE YOU ON THE MORROW

http://17rg073sukbm1lmjk9jrehb643-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/GAWAIN2.jpgLADY BERTILAK: whatcha kissin’

GAWAIN: what? nothing

LADY BERTILAK: let’s make out

GAWAIN: I don’t feel like we should do that

LADY BERTILAK: if you don’t kiss me at least once it would really hurt my feelings

GAWAIN: well if it would hurt your feelings

LADY BERTILAK: great now you can make out with my husband tonight

GREEN KNIGHT: GAWAIN I have brought you a deer from today’s hunt what do you have for me

GAWAIN: I uh I guess I have some kissing for you to have

GREEN KNIGHT: sounds great [they kiss] ok see you tomorrow

GAWAIN: oh I really don’t want to play this game again, this is making me sort of unco –

GREEN KNIGHT: see you tomorrow

LADY BERTILAK: let’s have sex

GAWAIN: Okay, no for two reasons one is that you are my host’s wife and also it goes against every vow of knighthood ever and the second half of the second reason is that then I would have to also have sex with your husband according to your weird castle sex game

LADY BERTILAK: mm that sounds like a Gawain problem not a Lady Bertilak problem

GAWAIN: I’m not having sex with you

LADY BERTILAK: fine here’s my underwear though, you have to take it otherwise it would be rude

GAWAIN: well I don’t want to be rude excuse me, I have to go kiss your husband again

GREEN KNIGHT: Well, Gawain it’s been a great time here at Castle Makeout but you’d better go fight that Green Knight you keep talking about

GAWAIN: I will probably perish when it is his turn to deliver the blow Farewell, friend

GREEN KNIGHT: Gawain Gawain it was me the whole time

GAWAIN: what

GREEN KNIGHT: I’m the same guy and I’m not gonna kill you I’m just gonna fuck up your neck a little because you kept my wife’s underwear and didn’t tell me but you’re all right, guy you’re all right

GAWAIN: what the hell what the hell was the point of any of this why the hell did you set all this up for

GREEN KNIGHT: :)

GAWAIN: what the HELL

KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE: henceforth we shall all wear green sashes to celebrate the valuable lesson we have learned this day

GAWAIN: WHAT LESSON WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED

KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE: :)

YES, ever since the Green Knight movie came out I’ve been thinking of this

(By the way, I think this was an old post, but the author of this piece is named Daniel Lavery.)

Xmas stories are all about deaths and rebirths. This one just added in secks games. I mean, arguably, it’s also saying threesome is ok for Xmas as long as everyone abide by Rules. (Your picture was not posted)