dragonlady7

took me fifteen years to get him to stop just leaving the water running straight down the drain the whole time he does the dishes, so like, this is progress, about the author, whining

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so I’ve been trying to come up with a good meta, even if it’s just a cracky one, about how Geralt of Rivia is the most Catholic character ever, but I haven’t been able to get my thoughts into any fun kind of order.

I have realized, though, that my dude definitely does dishes like a Catholic.

Hear me out, here. So he makes pasta, right? Strains the cooked pasta thru a colander, right? You could basically just wipe that down and put it in the dish drainer. But no. That wouldn’t be right. He sets it in the sink, then he takes the saucepan he made the sauce in, which is now full of grossness, and sets it INSIDE the colander, so that when it overflows, the colander will catch all the bits of tomato and grease and cheese. Then he finds another even dirtier dish somehow, and stacks that inside, and positions it so water will fall in there every time someone uses the sink. Then, and this is crucial, he leaves the whole mess for at least twelve hours, preferably longer. Ideally, he then stacks things on top of this mass that do not stack, so it’s precarious and there’s no way to rinse things off or see what’s in the sink and the whole situation just gets terrifying.

THEN, and only then, can he begin to wash dishes, and then he’s got to spend like an hour scrubbing all of the crusted shit out of the little holes in the colander. Because GOD FORBID you just wipe that out and put it in the dish drainer, or even leave it upside down so that it won’t wind up with a whole lot of shit puddled in it encrusting itself into those holes, or at least like, stack it on top of filthy dishes so it doesn’t get greasy. NO, it is NOT doing dishes if you don’t absolutely have to scrub every single surface of every single item because it is all uniformly encased in preferably-slightly-moldy filth. And he ABSOLUTELY can’t have things soaking in hot soapy water while he washes– NO– or under the spray of the rinsing so that they’ll repeatedly get rinsed before he gets around to washing them– NO! The only way to remove dirt (and the more dirt, the better, of course!) is to painstakingly scrub it out of there by hand, you CANNOT pre-soak things in any useful or meaningful way. It would mean you’re NOT SUFFERING ENOUGH.

I mean I’m kidding but listen I just had a really unpleasant hour or so just now and I had to vent somewhere.