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exrayspex replied to your post “astroloquacious replied to your post (s) I feel no remorse for what…”
i am loving this conversation
oh my god so am I, even though it keeps getting me to admit absolutely mortifying things. i’m hoping they’re universal to the human condition and i can skate by on that.
meninkimono replied to your post “oh apparently i can reply to replies again”
It’s probably something either really weird, like they don’t know how lactation or menstuation works and it was weirdly eroticized, or they think women orgasm from watching sweaty men climb cliffs (true story from male friend who read Dune) or just like real romance novels, it’s something extremely niche, like secret babies.
oh no Witchers are like Catholic school boys in that they have no idea what An Actual Woman is like. oh no my dude is a reformed Catholic school boy. I was not *quite* his first experience of any kind but I had to teach him a lot of stuff, including how birth control worked, so. but no! no. No, Witchers have to be better about sex ed, surely– I mean, I get they’re all sterile but they have to have some sensitivity to their reputations, if they unleash all these superpowered hopped-up nutjob freshly-post-adolescent trained killers onto society with no idea what to do with a pair of boobs they’d all be shunned even worse than they are. There’s got to be some deliberate attention paid to making sure the fresh young upstart Witchers have some vague notion about how to actually handle a fragile human’s sex bits. … if nothing else, there’s a brothel nearby-ish to Kaer Morhen that takes on the duty of educating young Witchers, there’s got to be something like that. (sometime between getting your medallion and actually leaving on the Path they send you over there and there’s a class you sit through, LOL, and half the class is “okay everything in The Bodice Ripper In The Hallway By The Stables is completely fantasy and that’s not how vaginas or erections work” and eventually the madam, like, puts a bounty on that damned book and yet still none of the witchers will burn it for her)
someone in a DM (or whatever they’re called on this hellsite) (was it yousabra_n , i think it was you) suggested that it was something really mundane about women’s costuming, like, a specific style of front-lacing bodice that’s commonplace enough but that the text of the sex scene sort of needlessly eroticized
and i was suddenly blinded with the realization about. like. chicks wearing shoes in pornos. it’s a thing, it’s a weird trope, you still see it even in today’s internet era. (Sometimes it’s understandable, like, they’re fetishy or at least objectively hot shoes, but sometimes it’s like ok those are just like regular-ass sneakers but she had to take them off to take her jeans off and has clearly put them back on now, it’s definitely A Thing) it’s totally something like that. and like maybe the original writer meant it to be like a foot fetish thing but it wasn’t well-conveyed and all the witchers have gotten really strangely hung-up on the idea of like the buckles of women’s shoes or something.
Ha oh here’s some word association so there’s this song, IDK I had it on a mixtape and I know it was the Clancy Brothers, it was called Easy and Slow and to this day I sing it all the time to annoy a sister of mine who has the same name as the girl in the song, but the chorus is like… and what’s it to any man, whether or no/ whether i’m easy or whether i’m true / as i lifted her petticoat, easy and slow/ and i rolled up my sleeve, for to and like, it’s a slow song so this is all taking forever and being all lingering and you’re like shit what filthy thing is this guy gonna do, and the punchline is
buckle her shoe
and as a kid I’d sing this song but to this day I have no fucking clue whether that’s a metaphor for something? like, why’s he buckling her shoe? is he meant to be UNbuckling her shoe like he’s gonna take her shoes off her (apparently when bob dylan covered the song later he changed the lyrics to unbuckle, that must be what he was going for, or were the brothers C obliged to change the lyrics lest the radio of the time deem it too racy???)? or is it all a pretext to get under her petticoat? or like? what’s happening? I don’t know!!!
and all you kids with your internet being everywhere, you don’t know what it’s like to have a question there’s no way to ask anybody, ok, because I got the mixtape from my dad and there was no way on god’s green earth i could ask my dad hey is this song about fuckin’? ayy pops is this song about fuckin’? FUCK NO I could not ask that, not my dad, my dad is so fuckin’ awkward we would have both died instantly, but there was no one else to ask!!! who else would even know a song from 1968!! and now I’m too old to learn new things so I’m not going to google it. But anyway, there is a disjointed rant about how ever since i was a kid I’ve been uneasily concerned that buckling shoes might be a metaphor for sex.
(Listen my introduction to pop music– now that was rocky and confusing because I also had no one to give me any context and do you know how many classic rock songs use the word “groove” to probably mean “fuck” but with plausible deniability?? THE THINGS I HAD NO WAY OF FINDING OUT TORMENTED ME, and those were my formative years, and let me just say semi-relatedly that Madonna’s Erotica album came out at a REAL BAD TIME FOR ME. I was TWELVE, that wasn’t FAIR, that is right smack in the danger zone of Oh No This Is Becoming Relevant To Me? But I Don’t Understand Any Of It? And I Am At My Maximal Awkwardness Phase And Don’t Know What To Do? It was fucking hell.)
Ayyy ok that was a long digression. ANywAy.
I have been looking around online for examples of the Kind Of Ridiculous Courtly Romantic Novel that I’m thinking of Geralt reading and I’m sort of embarrassed it took me so long to remember about Amadis of Gaul, which is like, the exemplar of the genre. I have definitely read excerpts of this. I definitely don’t want to read this whole thing. How small a sample can I get away with reading in order to write an excerpt of a pastiche of it?? And the worst part is that i keep getting snippets of the songs from the Man of La Mancha musical stuck in my head because, of course, what is Don Quixote but a pastiche of the endless Amadis de Gaula sequels that were bedeviling the countryside as Cervantes was beginning his literary career (in among his many other careers), and i had a misspent youth that involved occasional Broadway soundtracks. Hail, Knight of the Woeful Countenance!
Yikes.
oh I am definitely writing this as I procrastinate packing my car for another cross-state trip, by the way, and I’m writing this instead of any relevant scenes because I’m Amadis de Gaula’d out for the nonce. That shit is… wearying.
exrayspex replied to your post “astroloquacious replied to your post (s) I feel no remorse for what…”
i am loving this conversation
oh my god so am I, even though it keeps getting me to admit absolutely mortifying things. i’m hoping they’re universal to the human condition and i can skate by on that.
meninkimono replied to your post “oh apparently i can reply to replies again”
It’s probably something either really weird, like they don’t know how lactation or menstuation works and it was weirdly eroticized, or they think women orgasm from watching sweaty men climb cliffs (true story from male friend who read Dune) or just like real romance novels, it’s something extremely niche, like secret babies.
oh no Witchers are like Catholic school boys in that they have no idea what An Actual Woman is like. oh no my dude is a reformed Catholic school boy. I was not *quite* his first experience of any kind but I had to teach him a lot of stuff, including how birth control worked, so. but no! no. No, Witchers have to be better about sex ed, surely– I mean, I get they’re all sterile but they have to have some sensitivity to their reputations, if they unleash all these superpowered hopped-up nutjob freshly-post-adolescent trained killers onto society with no idea what to do with a pair of boobs they’d all be shunned even worse than they are. There’s got to be some deliberate attention paid to making sure the fresh young upstart Witchers have some vague notion about how to actually handle a fragile human’s sex bits. … if nothing else, there’s a brothel nearby-ish to Kaer Morhen that takes on the duty of educating young Witchers, there’s got to be something like that. (sometime between getting your medallion and actually leaving on the Path they send you over there and there’s a class you sit through, LOL, and half the class is “okay everything in The Bodice Ripper In The Hallway By The Stables is completely fantasy and that’s not how vaginas or erections work” and eventually the madam, like, puts a bounty on that damned book and yet still none of the witchers will burn it for her)
someone in a DM (or whatever they’re called on this hellsite) (was it you
sabra_n , i think it was you) suggested that it was something really mundane about women’s costuming, like, a specific style of front-lacing bodice that’s commonplace enough but that the text of the sex scene sort of needlessly eroticizedand i was suddenly blinded with the realization about. like. chicks wearing shoes in pornos. it’s a thing, it’s a weird trope, you still see it even in today’s internet era. (Sometimes it’s understandable, like, they’re fetishy or at least objectively hot shoes, but sometimes it’s like ok those are just like regular-ass sneakers but she had to take them off to take her jeans off and has clearly put them back on now, it’s definitely A Thing) it’s totally something like that. and like maybe the original writer meant it to be like a foot fetish thing but it wasn’t well-conveyed and all the witchers have gotten really strangely hung-up on the idea of like the buckles of women’s shoes or something.
Ha oh here’s some word association so there’s this song, IDK I had it on a mixtape and I know it was the Clancy Brothers, it was called Easy and Slow and to this day I sing it all the time to annoy a sister of mine who has the same name as the girl in the song, but the chorus is like… and what’s it to any man, whether or no/ whether i’m easy or whether i’m true / as i lifted her petticoat, easy and slow/ and i rolled up my sleeve, for to and like, it’s a slow song so this is all taking forever and being all lingering and you’re like shit what filthy thing is this guy gonna do, and the punchline is
buckle her shoe
and as a kid I’d sing this song but to this day I have no fucking clue whether that’s a metaphor for something? like, why’s he buckling her shoe? is he meant to be UNbuckling her shoe like he’s gonna take her shoes off her (apparently when bob dylan covered the song later he changed the lyrics to unbuckle, that must be what he was going for, or were the brothers C obliged to change the lyrics lest the radio of the time deem it too racy???)? or is it all a pretext to get under her petticoat? or like? what’s happening? I don’t know!!!
and all you kids with your internet being everywhere, you don’t know what it’s like to have a question there’s no way to ask anybody, ok, because I got the mixtape from my dad and there was no way on god’s green earth i could ask my dad hey is this song about fuckin’? ayy pops is this song about fuckin’? FUCK NO I could not ask that, not my dad, my dad is so fuckin’ awkward we would have both died instantly, but there was no one else to ask!!! who else would even know a song from 1968!! and now I’m too old to learn new things so I’m not going to google it. But anyway, there is a disjointed rant about how ever since i was a kid I’ve been uneasily concerned that buckling shoes might be a metaphor for sex.
(Listen my introduction to pop music– now that was rocky and confusing because I also had no one to give me any context and do you know how many classic rock songs use the word “groove” to probably mean “fuck” but with plausible deniability?? THE THINGS I HAD NO WAY OF FINDING OUT TORMENTED ME, and those were my formative years, and let me just say semi-relatedly that Madonna’s Erotica album came out at a REAL BAD TIME FOR ME. I was TWELVE, that wasn’t FAIR, that is right smack in the danger zone of Oh No This Is Becoming Relevant To Me? But I Don’t Understand Any Of It? And I Am At My Maximal Awkwardness Phase And Don’t Know What To Do? It was fucking hell.)
Ayyy ok that was a long digression. ANywAy.
I have been looking around online for examples of the Kind Of Ridiculous Courtly Romantic Novel that I’m thinking of Geralt reading and I’m sort of embarrassed it took me so long to remember about Amadis of Gaul, which is like, the exemplar of the genre. I have definitely read excerpts of this. I definitely don’t want to read this whole thing. How small a sample can I get away with reading in order to write an excerpt of a pastiche of it?? And the worst part is that i keep getting snippets of the songs from the Man of La Mancha musical stuck in my head because, of course, what is Don Quixote but a pastiche of the endless Amadis de Gaula sequels that were bedeviling the countryside as Cervantes was beginning his literary career (in among his many other careers), and i had a misspent youth that involved occasional Broadway soundtracks. Hail, Knight of the Woeful Countenance!
Yikes.
oh I am definitely writing this as I procrastinate packing my car for another cross-state trip, by the way, and I’m writing this instead of any relevant scenes because I’m Amadis de Gaula’d out for the nonce. That shit is… wearying.
