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dragonlady7via http://ift.tt/2ovtfy8:klyaksa1 replied to your post “*stares blankly at the wall* I opened this window to do something, I…”
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this! Depression can definitely be paralyzing and can impair your ability to handle what seem like very minor issues so they start looking insurmountable. That said, a lot of the difficulties you describe seem to have a common cause. It might be a better investment of your mental resources to try and get treatment (and stick with it) rather then to keep playing catch-up and end up feeling constantly overwhelmed.
Pretty much everything is hung up on me needing to get health insurance, and I can’t do anything until I do that, and I know that, but I do have to attempt to live my life in the meantime. I don’t even know what you mean by playing catch-up; I have literally no choice but to continue to live my life in the absence of treatment until I can get through all the steps that are standing between me and treatment, starting with my lack of health insurance. I’m not even sure what else this is about. Have I said I don’t plan on seeing a doctor? Did I not mention the part where I don’t have health insurance and it’s becoming impossible for me to navigate?
For the record, though, I have undergone treatment for this, years and years of different medications, and it never made a radical difference, only a subtle one, and some of the differences were actually negative. (The best was when I asked my doctor about pursuing an ADHD diagnosis and she dismissed me out of hand, but second-best was when I asked a different doctor and he said “sure!” and handed me the name of a specialist I’d need to see, who wasn’t covered under my insurance, and then that was that, there was apparently no other way to go forward. Another doctor scribbled down a list of names for me of “therapists” but they were just names, and when I Googled them, it was not apparent who this doctor had intended them to be, or what for, and I’m not entirely sure what I was strictly meant to do with this list of what amounted to random words, so nothing ever came of that either. For the record, these doctors were all part of the same practice and spent the majority of my time there writing everything down, or reviewing the previous notes, so it’s not like they didn’t know what the issue was or I didn’t have continuity of care. They sure did; that’s about all I had.)
So simply urging me to ‘get treatment’ is a lovely bit of advice but not one that’s in any way helpful to me. I know! I know there are things that can be done! But I have no access to those things presently, and somehow, I have to go on anyway.
I don’t mean to be snappish, at all, I genuinely appreciate people’s expressions of sympathy and apparent desire to help, I just can’t really parse what this was meant to mean. It’s great that this word “treatment” exists but it’s also great that the moon exists, and they’re about equally relevant to me just now. I have no health insurance, there are a number of hoops I need to jump through to try to get them, and then the difficulty of making appointments with medical professionals when at any given time I am in one of two 300-mile distant locations with totally different health insurance networks is not insignificant, and all of this takes mental resources I just don’t have, and especially, planning for a future I literally don’t have the dimension of vision to even see.
And in my experience, “treatment” means “take some pills that make you gain enough weight that your clothes don’t fit, continue to be a forgetful, disorganized piece of shit that sometimes can’t have orgasms, then forget to refill the prescription because your executive function’s no better than it was, go through horrible withdrawal symptoms, tell a doctor later and have them shake their head slightly, tell you not to do that, and change the subject.”
Oh, I can’t fucking wait.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this! Depression can definitely be paralyzing and can impair your ability to handle what seem like very minor issues so they start looking insurmountable. That said, a lot of the difficulties you describe seem to have a common cause. It might be a better investment of your mental resources to try and get treatment (and stick with it) rather then to keep playing catch-up and end up feeling constantly overwhelmed.
Pretty much everything is hung up on me needing to get health insurance, and I can’t do anything until I do that, and I know that, but I do have to attempt to live my life in the meantime. I don’t even know what you mean by playing catch-up; I have literally no choice but to continue to live my life in the absence of treatment until I can get through all the steps that are standing between me and treatment, starting with my lack of health insurance. I’m not even sure what else this is about. Have I said I don’t plan on seeing a doctor? Did I not mention the part where I don’t have health insurance and it’s becoming impossible for me to navigate?
For the record, though, I have undergone treatment for this, years and years of different medications, and it never made a radical difference, only a subtle one, and some of the differences were actually negative. (The best was when I asked my doctor about pursuing an ADHD diagnosis and she dismissed me out of hand, but second-best was when I asked a different doctor and he said “sure!” and handed me the name of a specialist I’d need to see, who wasn’t covered under my insurance, and then that was that, there was apparently no other way to go forward. Another doctor scribbled down a list of names for me of “therapists” but they were just names, and when I Googled them, it was not apparent who this doctor had intended them to be, or what for, and I’m not entirely sure what I was strictly meant to do with this list of what amounted to random words, so nothing ever came of that either. For the record, these doctors were all part of the same practice and spent the majority of my time there writing everything down, or reviewing the previous notes, so it’s not like they didn’t know what the issue was or I didn’t have continuity of care. They sure did; that’s about all I had.)
So simply urging me to ‘get treatment’ is a lovely bit of advice but not one that’s in any way helpful to me. I know! I know there are things that can be done! But I have no access to those things presently, and somehow, I have to go on anyway.
I don’t mean to be snappish, at all, I genuinely appreciate people’s expressions of sympathy and apparent desire to help, I just can’t really parse what this was meant to mean. It’s great that this word “treatment” exists but it’s also great that the moon exists, and they’re about equally relevant to me just now. I have no health insurance, there are a number of hoops I need to jump through to try to get them, and then the difficulty of making appointments with medical professionals when at any given time I am in one of two 300-mile distant locations with totally different health insurance networks is not insignificant, and all of this takes mental resources I just don’t have, and especially, planning for a future I literally don’t have the dimension of vision to even see.
And in my experience, “treatment” means “take some pills that make you gain enough weight that your clothes don’t fit, continue to be a forgetful, disorganized piece of shit that sometimes can’t have orgasms, then forget to refill the prescription because your executive function’s no better than it was, go through horrible withdrawal symptoms, tell a doctor later and have them shake their head slightly, tell you not to do that, and change the subject.”
Oh, I can’t fucking wait.
