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relationships, it's anti culture guys

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curlicuecal https://curlicuecal.tumblr.com/post/683624874466476032/i-cannot-emphasize-enough-how-important-it-is-to :

rabbitindisguise https://rabbitindisguise.tumblr.com/post/683536304527523840/i-cannot-emphasize-enough-how-important-it-is-to :

honestlyvan https://honestlyvan.tumblr.com/post/683515480868257792:

3liza https://toxoplasm.org/post/683385103125299200/i-cannot-emphasize-enough-how-important-it-is-to :

i cannot emphasize enough how important it is to have gossipy bitchy littl pirvate group chats or discord servers with like 4 people in them whose stated purpose is posting “new kind of guy” or “this reddit post is so fuckin dumb” or “i got into a fight on twitter today look at this idiot’s reply” so your homies can still see it and laugh and back you up but more importantly, so you are not tempted to post these kind of things on main

you can also practice just having self control in private in general

https://red--thedragon.tumblr.com/tagged/you%20can%20also%20practice%20just%20having%20self%20control%20in%20private%20in%20general

for example i do my best to never shit talk actual people ever

https://red--thedragon.tumblr.com/tagged/for%20example%20i%20do%20my%20best%20to%20never%20shit%20talk%20actual%20people%20ever

i can guarantee you that if you never form the habit of talking about

anyone behind their back you will not do that. https://red--thedragon.tumblr.com/tagged/i%20can%20guarantee%20you%20that%20if%20you%20never%20form%20the%20habit%20of%20talking%20about%20anyone%20behind%20their%20back%20you%20will%20not%20do%20that.

seriously, there really is no reason to gossip, the whole “everyone does it” rings hard like all those “everyone spanks their kids” bullshit. Yeah they do, and you still shouldn’t do that. Pick up a weird hobby like organizing bricks by color in minecraft like the rest of us.

Mmmm, gonna back op on this one.

I kind of wonder what you’re picturing when you hear this, because what I’m picturing is stuff like critiquing the fanfic we read way more frankly than we ever would to an author’s face.

“Gossip” has a number of important social functions, and like any other social interaction it is a tool that can be used in good or bad ways.

We discuss positive and negative interactions we’ve had later and in private with our friend groups because this helps us process them. It can be a vibe check (“does it seem like this person was acting out of line towards me?”) or an analysis (“why do you think they did that? what do you think I should have done?”) or data compilation (“is this a pattern? has this happened to anyone else?”) or data sharing (“hey this alarming interaction happened, watch out”) or just venting to channel emotions into a place where they’re safe to have (“friend is processing bad thing and I’m upset on their behalf, so I need do my own processing somewhere else”).

If you can’t complain about your boss to your friends, how do you even figure out what bad boss behavior looks like?

And when some stranger’s being a dick on social media it is usually infinitely healthier and more constructive to go chat that argument out with your friends than to let yourself get sucked into fighting with someone very likely more interested in hurting people than listening.

Figuring out which social circles are the most beneficial places to have which discussions is a huge part of figuring out how to navigate the world and building yourself the support network you need.

I’ve had some friend groups where a standard phrase we’d say was “I need help reacting to a thing!” and you’d come with a thing that– maybe upset you, maybe confused you, maybe excited you– and you and the besties could just talk it over, and sometimes it was “oh that’s inappropriate for her to say to you! she’s being mean, stand up for yourself!” and sometimes it was “… sweetie, I think you’re overreacting, your feelings are valid but I doubt she meant it that way, let’s think about what she probably really might have been getting at” and anywhere in between. It’s so important to be able to look at things from different angles in different groups, and it’s actually horrifying to contemplate a society that flattens that into a monolithic Have Nothing To Hide.

Oh my gosh, sweethearts, learn how to process your feelings in a restricted space so that you can compose yourself for a public reaction. It is so important. It is not backbiting, it is crucial processing time.

If you do find yourself in a private space that is all backbiting and bashing, that’s a thing you also can control. I have formed a habit, whenever I am upset and negative and distressed, of letting myself feel it and then attempting to rephrase something charitably. “She’s dumb as a box of fuckin’ rocks” can become “Oh, she makes some bad choices, but you know, we all do sometimes, and perhaps the thing to do here is to make sure I’m not depending on her choosing the right thing, since that seems not to be a particular strength of hers. What can I do instead to make sure I’m protected in that case?”

But I super need that chance to say the first thing, to acknowledge it and feel it and then compose myself to move on, because the second thing is a lot of fucking work and it goes much more easily when I’ve acknowledged my own feelings and how I’ve been forced into them. (Your picture was not posted)

series masterposts

my writing, my fic

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so it’s been a while since I did any organization of anything but I’m going through the timelines and it struck me that the series page for Peace-Tied needed some love, so I have updated that:

Peace-Tied, the Series, on AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/series/2735515

It now has not only all the stories in it, but also reasonable summaries and their dates in the timeline, so that’s a useful thing I hope.

I should make like. A graphic, of the dates of all the stories in the whole overarching series, but listen that sort of shit is not my strong suit so do not hold your breath. What I do have, though, is that I linked to the cliffs notes summary of W2 right in the series page, and hopefully the context all makes a bit more sense now, and it’s more clear what’s about what and when it all happens.

So, to clarify– Meet Death Sitting https://archiveofourown.org/series/1639717 is the entire sort of umbrella series, which began as a Geralt/Jaskier thing and blossomed from there. It’s set during Geralt’s lifetime, with the earliest story during the 1170s when Geralt was a child, and the bulk of the story in the 1260s during Cirilla’s childhood (more lining up with Netflix, which is currently working its way through 1263 I think?) and then a coda set in 1272, segueing into the other sub-serieses.

Trust https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048918 is set post-W3 (1272-3), and is Lambert’s continuing adventures with Keira after the games.

Fit For Pearls https://archiveofourown.org/works/31289303 is destined to be a series but is at the moment just a really long fuckin story, I promise it’ll end with smooches and become a series; it’s concurrent and tied-in to Trust, so, 1272 ticking over into 1273.

and then Peace-Tied https://archiveofourown.org/series/2735515 is now organized as a series, beginning during the events of W2 (1271) and extending up into being concurrent with Fit For Pearls.

Ostensibly, the plan is that the Fit For Pearls series will take over and tie up the loose threads of all three, but we shall see how I manage that, LOL.

And of course, Eskel is lumped into the Trust series at the moment and has sorta ridden off into the sunset of late 1272 but I figure I’ll loop him back in somehow, I’m just not quite sure how that structure looks. cacheth https://tmblr.co/mRy2YsWvd0yXN7L8ZIjdOlA has helpfully made me a spreadsheet and we’re gonna see if it helps, LOL. (Your picture was not posted)