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advena87 https://advena87.tumblr.com/post/615816077480525824/what-if:
I read somewhere that one of the content that was cut from The Witcher 3
was the cooperation of Roch and Iorveth (I’m still crying about it). I have
some ideas on how this might look.
Roche: Ok, we need a diversion. Punch me in the face.
Iorveth: Punch you?
Roche: Yes, punch me, in the face. Didn’t you hear me?
Iorveth: I always hear “punch me in the face” when you’re speaking, but
it’s usually subtext.
Iorveth: Sorry dh’oine, but this time I can’t do what you say.
Roche: What do you mean “this time”? You’ve never once done what I said
since I’ve met you!
Iorveth: Roche is trying to annoy me.
Iorveth : He’s making that noise I hate.
Iorveth : That continuous breathing sound.
Geralt: How are you?
Roche: I have this headache that comes and goes.
Iorveth: Hey!
Roche: There it is.
Iorveth: > enters room <
Roche: No
Iorveth: I haven’t even asked you anything yet…
Roche: Oh, so suddenly you don’t have a death wish?
Iorveth: I’ve never had a death wish. It’s just that I don’t believe that
I personally even can die.
Roche: How could you possibly get into this much trouble in one day?
Iorveth: It didn’t take me the whole day…
Roche: Iorveth does have a point.
Iorveth: Don’t agree with me, dh’oine. It makes me very uncomfortable.
Iorveth: I have an idea!
Roche: Elf, your last idea was to murder.
Roche: Don’t you ever talk? You know, make polite conversation just to
put people at ease?
Iorveth: You mean I should remark upon the weather before I cut off a
dh’oine’s head?
Roche: …Never mind.
Geralt: Ok, it can’t be like this, Roche. Just try to be nice to him.
Roche: Well, I’ll try…
Iorveth: > enters room <
Roche: Good morning, elf!
Iorveth: And a good FUCK YOURSELF to you, dh’oine!
Roche: See?
Geralt: …
Iorveth: Dh’oine, would you step outside for a moment?
Roche: Why?
Iorveth: Because you irritate me.
Ves: Iorveth has gone to Novigrad, sir.
Roche: Any dead yet?
Ves: Only one so far, sir
Iorveth: Sorry, lost my cool for a second.
Roche: Can’t lose something you never had.
Iorveth to Roche: What’s wrong, dh’oine? Are you picturing future of your
country again?
Roche: Elf, may I have a word with you?
Iorveth: No.
Roche: But it’s an emergency!
Iorveth: Come back when it’s a catastrophe.
Iorveth: What you need is faith, dh’oine!
Roche: And what you need is a psychiatrist who enjoys a challenge.
Iorveth: What does Roche do when he runs out of swords?
Iorveth: He switches to the stick up his ass as a backup weapon.
Roche: Together, we’ll save Temeria or die trying!
Iorveth: …
Iorveth: DIE? For TEMERIA? I don’t fucking think so, dh’oine.
Iorveth: Is there no way to get rid of Roche?
Geralt: Not without cause, Iorveth.
Iorveth: I have cause, it’s because I hate him.
Iorveth: Dh’oine, is there anything you’re actually capable of doing?
Roche: Putting up with you.
Iorveth: I’d tell you to go to hell, but I never want to see you again.
Roche: Look elf, I want to do something for humanity.
Iorveth: How about sterilization?
Iorveth: I’ve got this completely under control!
Roche: Is that why everything’s on fire?
Geralt to Iorveth and Roche: I honestly can’t even tell the two of you
apart half the time because I don’t go by race, height or age, I go by
amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical.
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