welcometoyouredoom:Happy Labor Day

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welcometoyouredoom https://welcometoyouredoom.tumblr.com/post/177691022378/happy-labor-day:

Happy Labor Day

my way

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in another volume of the Noisy Neighbor chronicles– yes, the newish ones who’re renovating the house or something, were singing Ave Maria, pretending to fall off ladders, and with a crying baby– as Dude and i were eating dinner just now, they were playing (quietly) Frank Sinatra singing “My Way” on an underpowered radio or someone’s phone, and singing along to it with great enthusiasm and sincerity and uh not so great competence.

I took a video that you have to turn way up to hear but oh boy does it convey it. I put it in my Instagram stories https://www.instagram.com/stories/bomberqueen17/2393984577481076534/, that’ll be up until like 6:45 Weds, Instagram makes them go away in 24h unless you highlight them and I don’t think I’m gonna be adding that to any of my highlights.

“So,” Dude said, “I had a crisis the other day.”

“A crisis,” I said.

“One of the guys over there, he’s constantly yelling Eyyy Lorenzo.”

“Yeah? Who’s Lorenzo?”

“Well, that’s just it,” Dude said, looking harried. “What if… what if Lorenzo is the baby?” I blinked at him, and he gestured emphatically. “I cannot handle the concept of a baby named Lorenzo. Who names a baby Lorenzo.”

I had to hand it to him, in this time and place, it would really be something to name a helpless tiny baby Lorenzo.

“Eyyy, Lorenzo,” Dude said morosely, and I got up to take the dishes back into the kitchen. Next door, the song came to a crescendo, and there was only one guy still singing along with it and oh boy he could not hit that note but boy did he try.

(Dude keeps saying, very quietly and sadly, “eyyy lorenzo” at various intervals.)

camera store hilarity

author, dayjob camera store

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So… this week i”m in Buffalo, working at the camera store.

What I’ve been doing, besides the hour or so a day of online work that is easiest to delegate to me, is doing the 8mm film transfers that we perpetually have a hundred billion of backed up to do.

Today I got a reel wound on, started up the software, flipped the switch, and kind of absently zoned out, as I often do. It was rather a while before I glanced up, and– uhh–

uhh why is this man pressed up against a wall what is this abelard and heloise bullsh–

then the scene cut to the other side of the wall and OH

Now I know that if an 8mm movie reel is in a suspiciously featureless white cardboard box that’s a sure sign of a, ehm, professionally-released film of ehm, a particular nature.

(the image behind the cut would be non-worksafe if it weren’t so blurry, LOLOLOL)

Yeah that’s– that’s a late-70s twink at a glory hole, for sure.

So uh. That was a lil piece of history! Extra topical now that NYC Dep’t of Health is calling for a return to glory holes in this new plague era….

The other white cardboard box was stamped with a studio name, “Colt Studio”, and a copyright date of 1978, and said “for home projection only, all rights reserved”, and the reel in it featured twenty minutes of an extremely chiseled young man having some quality time with himself and a mirror.

Hilariously, he cleans the mirror at the end.

Anyway, I did not put those reels onto DVD for the customer, as he was already fretting about the cost– I just did his home movies, which he can actually, you know, share with the family. But that was a lil slice of history to be sure. (Yes of course I watched them, how could I not? It’s historical curiosity.)

As a hilarious aside, I sent the less work-safe photo above to my Dude, who eventually wrote back that he was spending today languishing in an extremely long and detailed workplace sexual-harassment seminar, so that was kind of an extra little amusing capper.

Anyhow, folks, it’s all fun and games until your home movies have gay porn in the middle of them. Label your shit so your own kids won’t have this situation. (I kid, I kid, I am certain the man who brought this order in was well aware of what movies might be mixed in, by how oddly he apparently behaved about the whole thing. But, really, label your porn well; I found a deceased relative’s stash while cleaning out his house and it would’ve been nice to have uh kinda had a lil chance to prepare myself, or like, not look.)

Problems With Writing a Long Fic

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seananmcguire http://seananmcguire.tumblr.com/post/183092350590/problems-with-writing-a-long-fic :

araceil http://araceil.tumblr.com/post/157245934915/problems-with-writing-a-long-fic :

cooliogirl101 http://cooliogirl101.tumblr.com/post/155484962076/problems-with-writing-a-long-fic :

“Wait, when did that happen again”

“Wait, which event happened first again”

rereads something I wrote five chapters ago I have no recollection of writing this

I know this one thing I’m referring back to happened somewhere between chapters 15 and 30 but I have no idea where, welp time to go back and dig through 100k worth of words

rereads first few chapters oh my god this is awful holy shit this is so bad did past-me really write this

Tries not to contradict myself and contradicts myself anyway

“What is even going on in this fic”

has detailed notesscene ideas

three days later

lost notescan’t remember scene ideaslost the will to livegained three pounds from stress snackingdehydrated from crying into keyboard

stares into the camera forever

The unexpected joy of having dedicated readers though is that sometimes you can just. give up. and post on your own blog. “I know Character X ate a cracker once, it was a thing,” you say. “But when was it, and was it a cracker with cheese, or peanut butter?”

and the ultimate blessing is when after a little bit you check back and somebody has written “it’s in chapter 2 of novel-length work no. 3 in series and it’s actually a graham cracker with peanut butter, crunchy if that matters” and then pastes the quote for you because they are a blessed angel.

The ultimate, ultimate blessing is when that sparks a comment thread where someone then pops up the thing you were actually thinking of, which was that Character Y was eating Cheez-its and teasing Character X by not giving her any in chapter 3 of shorter interstitial novella at #5 in series position, and they paste in the quote and yes that’s the incident you were going to refer back to but you hadn’t remembered that Y was involved.

oh my gosh. because sometimes I do reread my own shit, guys, but at this point for any given series that’s like, 15 hours of reading and I don’t have time to do that and write more. And a ctrl+f would NOT have turned up the Cheez-It incident because you’d forgotten you’d used the brand name.

Man that’s the ideal. I don’t want to be causes-me-problems level of famous but I totally, totally relish being at the critical-mass-of-people-paying-attention level where such a question doesn’t just sit there unanswered for the 22 hours it takes you to reread your whole series, not find the scene, then realize you missed shorter interstitial novella at #5 in series position and annoyedly skim it and almost miss the Cheez-Its thing and then finally be like no that can’t be it but then it maybe is and why do you do this anyway? What’s this all for? What was the point you were going to make? You don’t remember why you cared about the crackers, now.

anyway.

tl;dr thanks for reading.