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https://ift.tt/2r5C0yWI want to Do things. This is the hell of having a day job; my periods of greatest inspiration and restlessness coincide with the times at which I am at work, and constrained to perform tasks there that require focus, and sitting, and repetition, all things I don’t want to do. I want to do physical things, and creative things, and things I’m inspired by– I have half-finished tasks I want to complete, I have complicated tasks I want to sketch out, things I want to pull out my materials and evaluate their suitability for.
But no. I have to go through a musty box, photograph some things as un-artistically as possible, change some numbers to other numbers on the Internet, make some very picky small decisions with inadequate information that involve annoying other people. These tasks are not rewarding and will not leave me with any sense of accomplishment when they are complete, and will exhaust me. I will return home later tonight, cramped by inactivity and frustrated and burned-out, and maybe I’ll accomplish one or two of the tasks I wanted to do, but likely I’ll just do dishes and laundry and make dinner and then refresh the Internet for a couple of hours while in an uncomfortable position in a cramped space just like I am all day at work.
And then I’ll go to bed.
When I’m at the farm I work pretty constantly from sunup to after sundown, and am usually physically exhausted at least at the end of the day, but the tasks I’m performing there are also usually not ones I’m particularly inspired to do on my own account– but, they are things that give me a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, even if they were only ephemeral things like ‘make dinner’ or ‘keep Farmbaby from murdering herself for several hours’.
A bright spot of this morning: Sister texted me that Farmbaby had actually with her mouth uttered the phrase, “Halt, scoundrel!” in a meaningful way, so, there’s that.
I’ve been brainstorming about yurt setup. I’m going to show up prepared, with some concrete pavers, and level that fucking platform if it kills me, this time, so I don’t spend another year with water running across my floor…
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