Cleaned the bathroom. Not the shower, but everything

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Cleaned the bathroom. Not the shower, but everything else, even the floor. 

Swept the basement stairs, since they’re right by the entrance.

Got the sheets out of the dryer and have hung them to finish drying. All the floor rugs are soaking in the laundry tub, then I’ll wash them tomorrow.

I treated myself to a new compost bin, since I’ve never actually had a nice one before and yet I’ve been pretty good about composting things for a few months now, going on a year.

Vacuumed the couch, which I… maybe have never done before. No, I’ve done it at least once, but. Not recently.

I’m getting the place together. Tomorrow I want badly to do the kitchen floor. We’ll see if I make it.

I also made dinner, but dude did the dishes and chopped most of the vegetables. We had tacos, made from leftover venison from Sunday’s pot roast. 

I could happily just sit with a huge portion of refried beans and eat them until I pass out.

Here’s my mom’s frijoles refritos recipe. My mother is a white lady from an upstate suburb, but she did teach Spanish for 30 years and she’s a good cook. What I’m saying is, I don’t know where she got this recipe but she makes the hell out of it. I’m giving proportions for a half-recipe because that’s a reasonable amount of food for two people even when one of them is an Enthusiast like me.

1 15 oz can black beans/ frijoles negros (Goya has them, if no one else)

½ an onion

½ a stick of salted butter

½ of one of those tiny cans of tomato paste

1) cut the butter in half. Chop up the onion. Melt half the butter in a skillet, and toss the onion in to saute. Saute it until it goes translucent.

2) meanwhile, drain the can of beans. Dump them into a high-sided bowl with the other half of the butter. Using a sturdy fork, mush the beans into a paste against the side of the bowl, mixing in the butter.

3) dump the bowl of beans into the sauteed onion. Stir it all around for a good while, letting it all bubble through.

4) dump the tomato paste in and mix it really well through the beans until everything’s uniform.

This is the best thing in the world. I mostly use it as a base layer in burritos, but I also eat it by the giant forkful because I fucking love beans.

You could add seasonings, probably, but I love black beans so much I don’t really want it to taste like anything else.
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oh i’ve been posting instagram stories instead

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oh i’ve been posting instagram stories instead of regular instagram posts but that means they don’t come over here. whoops.

today’s adventures consisted mostly of me bitching about the snow, and discovering that i can record a video without stopping music playback from my phone, so get ready for everything to have soundtracks and stupid applied emojis because there is nothing else good in this world. (that’s not true)

in other news i haven’t written a word in ages, and am stuck on the solarpunk novel because I don’t like any of the characters except for the woolly mammoth, who is named Edurni and is fucking awesome. 

She’s in her late teens or early twenties, just around first breeding age, and she’s a daughter of a pretty important matriarch, which kind of makes her a princess. As such she’s solemnly aware of her duties, but she also just wants to see the human city, and when she gets there, among other things, she finds a fountain that has carved statues of people and animals, and wades right into it to touch the carved mammoth all over with her trunk, not because she’s confused but because she’s so pumped about the idea of 3-D art, which is something she can interact with a lot better than the 2-D stuff she can’t see all that well. 

She also has a habit of touching people with her trunk mid-conversation, which is a super normal mammoth thing to do, and it’s easy enough for the humans to get used to except that once she considers them friends, this extends to touching their genitals too because that’s also how mammoths do and it’s not weird or sexual to do that, it’s just a kind of normal friendly thing to do as a way of monitoring someone’s mood and reassuring them that you care and such, and she keeps forgetting it’s weird for humans. 

She also likes to keep up a constant running commentary in subsonic vocalizations that the humans can’t hear but some of them can feel, only they don’t know that’s what they’re feeling, they’re just real uneasy and don’t know why. She knows they can’t hear it, but it’s funny anyway, at least to her.

Anyway I’m prepared to write a whole novel about her but I don’t care about any of the humans, which is a problem, since I was planning on it being from their POV.
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et-in-arkadia: me: ok write the quick sex scene you want to see in the world me, three hours later:.

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et-in-arkadia:

me: ok write the quick sex scene you want to see in the world

me, three hours later: why are they still talking

also me: this sex scene is longer than infinite jest isn’t that funny

also me: wait why are they crying now
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WHY MUST I HAVE A CORPOREAL FORMINCORPORALITY NOWLET ME LIVE AS A GHOST OR SOMETHINGLIKE SOME KIND..

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WHY MUST I HAVE A CORPOREAL FORM

INCORPORALITY NOW

LET ME LIVE AS A GHOST OR SOMETHING

LIKE SOME KIND OF ELEMENTAL SPIRIT THAT GLITTERS IN TREES OR SOME SHIT

THAT’D BE KEEN

BUT NOOO I HAVE TO HAVE THIS STUPID MEAT BODY AND INTERACT WITH PHYSICAL OBJECTS

THIS IS THE WORST
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my experience with adhd

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vantasticmess:

vantasticmess:

I don’t even remember putting that thing down but now it’s not in my hand and I don’t know where it went

‘what do you mean you can just think about nothing? what’s that like? I don’t understand’

*tuning out of a conversation halfway through somebody else’s sentence because I just thought of something interesting*

carrying my psychiatrist’s business card with me at all times because I see her once a month and every time I go I forget what floor her office is on. I’ve been there 8 times

‘Between A & B, A would be the right thing to do’ *a cascading thought process that takes a few seconds tops, justifying option B* ‘actually B would be the right thing to do’

somebody else, later: why did you think B was the right thing to do??

me: …. it’s not important, I’ll know better next time

(spoiler: I won’t know better next time)

I know you already told me this thing like 12 times but can you tell me again just one more time because I forgot

it’s not that I forgot that I wasn’t supposed to do this thing. it’s just that in that particular moment i thought it was okay to do it anyway for reasons that would take 48 minutes to explain even though it only took me 3 seconds to justify it in my thoughts, so it’s easier for me to just say ‘I forgot’

‘I already told you that’ ‘really? I must have forgotten, i’m sorry’ ‘it was FIVE MINUTES AGO. in this SAME CONVERSATION’

this internal conversation:

me: I feel motivated to do this responsible thing

me: if I don’t do this responsible thing right now I will get distracted and forget to do it for another 5 hours

me: so I should do this thing right this second, there is nothing stopping me

me: after I finish this one cell phone game

me, 5 hours later: I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

almost flunking a class because I straight up didn’t know any homework had been assigned despite loving the class and always attending

trusting the memory of literally anyone else over my own memory

intending to do something for days. sometimes months. never doing it

*cuddling somebody* mm this is nice … *2 seconds later* bored now

somebody is mad at me. I might as well fucking d i e

the options in company are: overshare about the one thing I care about or not talk at all

insensitive or inattentive? YOU decide (and when you tell me that i hurt your feelings and I didn’t notice I’ll rejection sensitive dysphoria into fantasies of disappearing forever)

being excellent at my job for months on end, doing everything right and everything well, and then suddenly & without explanation being t h e  w o r s t at it for several weeks, making dumb mistakes everywhere for no discernible reason

when asked to explain something: well it all started when I was a baby

‘they don’t need that much explanation’ well YOU tell ME where to start b/c I have no fucking clue tbh

i can’t throw away anything b/c when I look at it I remember all the sentimental reasons I keep it around and they seem just as important as actually needing it and when I close the storage box back up I forget I had it in the first place until the next time I try to get rid of my clutter and repeat this process

i wasnt’ idle for a second all day and yet I didn’t accomplish a n y t h i n g

am i a speed-reader or was I so impatient for what came next that I read only half a page and then skipped to the next one?

getting excited about a project, starting it, then racing to finish it as fast as I can because when I get bored I’ll abandon it and never go back. must beat the boredom

edit my fics? working twice on the same idea? /uproarious laughter

well I fucked that up. too bad I can never rework it because I no longer have passionate energy for it

me, opening a bottle of adhd meds: I don’t have adhd. I’m just a lazy bum who doesn’t try hard enough

I’ve seen so many people reblog this with ‘I don’t have ADHD but I relate to all of this’ and I just wanted to add:

this list is mostly about inattention, overthinking things, and failure to follow through.

at its heart, adhd is the inability to pick what your attention is locked onto, sometimes combined with a need to move constantly (hyperactivity).  This manifests as:

lively internal life + rapid thought & intuitive leaps of cognition - good when being creative, bad when trying to make a logical decision

overthinking things

impulsive behavior

short attention span + being easily distracted

unnaturally long attention span + inability to notice outside stimuli

short term memory dysfunction

executive dysfunction

no sense of priority (everything is equally important)

no sense of time in relation to self (cannot effectively tell how long an activity will take or develop a sense of urgency based on a deadline until the deadline is perilously close or already passed)

failure to follow through (leaving work incomplete)

forgetting to remember/remembering tasks at inappropriate times

intrusive thoughts

And pretty much everyone experiences one or all of these things at times, and these symptoms can spring from other causes than ADHD (for instance, executive dysfunction accompanies depression and anxiety as well). 

But adhd people have this happen so constantly and so intrusively that we cannot complete basic tasks, even if we want to:

The only thing consistent about us is inconsistent results: sometimes we’re on time, sometimes we’re not. sometimes we’re reliable, sometimes we’re not. sometimes we’re studious, sometimes we’re not … (and trust me we’re not enjoying it any more than you are)

We fail classes, we drop out of college, we lose jobs, and no matter how much we try, we cannot fix it.

We can’t just remove distractions - our brains are a distraction.

We can’t just ‘try harder’ - our wayward mind might be focusing on our studying today, but tomorrow it might not. The same effort level will have wildly different results on different days because our attention cooperated … or didn’t.

it is literally impossible for us to choose our focus. pretty much ever.

Another common tag? ‘I wanted to read all of this but I couldn’t’. that’s adhd.

So this list is pretty relateable, even if you don’t have adhd.  But if this happens to you to the point that you’re getting in trouble at school or your job and you’re pissing off your friends? might be worth looking into what’s going on with you.
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A meditation on my windshield

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A post shared by Bridget Kelly (@bomberqueen17) on Mar 15, 2018 at 2:09pm PDT

A meditation on my windshield
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I’m doing it, I got home and instantly started

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I’m doing it, I got home and instantly started getting things off the kitchen floor, and now I’ve Swept the Floor.

It’s been so long that most of the dirt won’t come up with sweeping.

I think I’m going to take a scrub brush and a bucket and just crawl over the floor and scrub it, wipe that up with my mop, and then steam the floor. I think that’s my only way through this.

This is the culmination of a… three-year experiment? I forget, it’s when I first started going away to the farm to help with chicken slaughters. I got tired of sweeping the floor during my rare weekends home, and then coming back after weeks away and doing it again. So I just… stopped. 

The experiment was how long it would be until Dude swept the floor.

The answer is: “Never.”

So, there’s the answer. It’s not like I’m surprised, or mad, or whatever. It’s just, there’s your empirical data: he does not care, and will not do it. 

For the record, the cat also does not care and will not do it.

(I’ve spot-cleaned, if there’s been a spill, but that mostly just means that the heavily-trafficked areas are clean, and then everywhere that doesn’t get walked on is crusted-on dirt.)

The floor is made out of damaged, ancient, discolored linoleum, so it’s not like dirt ruins the Aesthetic™. 

(The rest of the house has nice hardwood floors that badly need refinishing. There was clearly wall to wall carpet at some point, which someone before us took up rather skillfully, and the floors aren’t damaged, they’re just worn and original to the house.)

I have this fantasy that we’ll buy this house and get a tile floor in the kitchen, or at least nice linoleum. (They have, like, Pergo or whatever now.) And we’ll get rid of the gross linoleum in the bathroom too, which isn’t original but also isn’t really attached. I’d like a tile floor in the bathroom.

Someday. Maybe. Whatever. 

I’m letting Dude finish making dinner before I try to scrub that damn floor.
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