blarghhhhh i wanted these characters to bang like three thousand words ago

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blarghhhhh i wanted these characters to bang like three thousand words ago
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lazaefair replied to your post “blarghhhhh i

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lazaefair replied to your post “blarghhhhh i wanted these characters to bang like three thousand words…”

I started to write a PWP, then wrote 6000 words of plot instead, and I just got to the sex scene yesterday and then I chickened out and faded to black. Writing Is Truly The Fucking Worst.

blarrghh h agrljghrlhh harrrrggghhh blmph thbbbpt.

oh holy fuck I just did a wordcount and I’m at like 18k in this draft of a thing I haven’t even decided whether to write or not yet. If I add in the previous draft I had to trash I’m at, Jesus fucking wept, it’s 22,323 words. 

*sobbing*

none of it is anything i can publish in any format anywhere. it’s an unwieldy goddamn monster of nothing. arghhh
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sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your post

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sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your post “NO, B! Do not take your stupid A/U and make a really crackpot original…”

Write what works for you. Write what works for you. Write what works for you. Write what works for you. (You know at least a few of us will read it.)

*wearily* Y’know… what “works” and what “my goblin brain seizes upon cackling and runs off with” are … two things that are… not always different but sometimes are.

I don’t get writer’s block, really, but what I get is overwhelming feelings that nothing I’m writing matters or is interesting. Projects stall out because I just can’t figure out a logistical issue, or sometimes because I feel like the whole thing is structurally mired in something and it’s Too Much to figure out where. 

The current thing is compelling, yeah, and I’m following along hungrily to find out how the characters handle it, but. 

To do it justice as an original piece I’d have to devote a bunch of time and attention to research, and then spend the entire writing experience mentally in the relevant period.

I generally prefer to get super-absorbed in worldbuilding rather than research, and if I have to spend a novel-length period of time immersed in a setting, I’d rather it was a fantastical one than… the US in the early 80s, y’know? 

But. I’m really compelled by the characters and it’s such an interesting plot! 

But a part of it is that I have no idea how it ends. And that’s. I mean. I never know how shit ends and that’s why I never finish shit. Sigh. 

My ideal writing situation is either #1 a fanfic thing that I can post 10k-word increments of every month or so and get a nice steady little trickle of comments on and such, building on several years of same (with occasional longer bursts of posts, it’s super nice when I can do a 10k chapter a week for example! that’s not sustainable though), ORRRR #2 a really sparkling original idea I can’t wait to dive into and really work on that’ll get me passionate enough to actually sustain me through writing the whole fucking thing with little to no feedback, and that I’ll afterward believe in enough to go through the bother of figuring out how to publish. 

I’ve been holding out for #2 for a while and it’s not likely. But. 

My worst-case scenario is that I do #1 only it’s in non-manageable chunks that are logistically difficult to master, and that few people want to read, and my little trickle of validation dries up to droplets and I spend the majority of my writing time working alone in the dark. And I’m seeing that as a probable outcome, here, and I’m not best pleased. 

It’s not the end of the world. I can live on droplets and I appreciate the fuck out of them. 

I just. 

It’s not entirely mystical, like, the Muse dictating, but it is somewhat beyond my control. And I’m lonely and it’s dark and I’m cold. 

I recently read a really great thread on self-publishing by a very successful author I admire and had to kind of stare at the wall for a while afterward because yeah no I’m never going to do that, that’s never going to work, thanks. 
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fiddleabout: ultranos: Maybe I’ve missed it, but

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fiddleabout:

ultranos:

Maybe I’ve missed it, but I have yet to see anyone congratulate Rey for beating the odds and making it through the 2nd movie of her trilogy without losing a limb.

#everyone give her a hand #(not that she needs it)
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life hack:when u accidentally order the Giant Bathtub

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life hack:

when u accidentally order the Giant Bathtub O’ Horchata at the taqueria, and it’s too much to drink on top of the All The Tamales you also ordered because you have no self-discipline, put it into your coffee thermos and bring it home, and then after dinner you can add some coffee-flavored vodka to it and have uh well what would you call such a drink? it’s like a black russian except with horchata? i don’t know. but it was good.
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tobermoriansass:Possibly one of the weirdest transmutations of pop culture artifact meaning into...

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tobermoriansass:

Possibly one of the weirdest transmutations of pop culture artifact meaning into something else other than originally intended is Black S/abbath’s W/ar Pigs, which is a staunchly anti-war song but the 300 sequel used it pretty unironically as a remix to play over the end titles, with you know, the whole glorification of war and manliness and blah blah blah and then now I’m reading thru comments on a vid using it to assemble imperial/space fash imagery to the song and like the comments are wild because everyone thinks this is badass or something including the creator and it’s a trip like you do realize you just made a strong case for why the empire/first order are bad, they’re all part of this war machine that is critiqued even in tlj and ohhhhhhhh my god it’s just fucking funny

#like the song can’t get anymore lyrically obvious about what its about#but the sound its just the sound being used to carry this alternate meaning#that doesn’t exist except for whatever shit 300 pulled#(and look i like that movie on a 100% trashy level but its also…vile)#but just. everyone talking about how this makes h/ux badass again….#congratulations on your excessive stupidity. #personal#the vid is in my queue and you’ll know it when you see it#its just. so weird to see this staunchly anti war song so misunderstood bc of how it sounds.
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Here’s the thing, though, that’s been happening with that entire album from the beginning. Sabbath got so much shit because people thought– oh what’s the one with the heroin in it? Hand of Doom. That song was banned all over the place because people heard drug references in it and assumed it was, like, pro-drug. The whole thing is like, a frothy rant against drug use, in particular the epidemic of heroin abuse that was killing Vietnam veterans. 

Oh you, you know you must be blind
To do something like this
To take the sleep that you don’t know
You’re giving death a kiss, oh, little fool now

But nobody listens to the lyrics. There’s a great tempo shift and some phenomenal guitar work and that’s all anyone notices, beyond a vague “this song is about drugs”. So.

And I mean. People use Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” as a Patriotism Anthem because they’re dumb as shit. There’s not one positive line in that whole song. 

Metal in particular, though, has gotten entirely co-opted for the Aesthetic of it. And I suppose what does it say for those of us who were born long after those songs became classics? All the revolutionary impact, anti-establishment sentiment, shocking iconoclasm of them is faded and they’re now just– I mean, can a counter-cultural thing really retain that status once it’s been absorbed into the culture?? 

I mean, think about Paul Ryan being a Rage Against The Machine fan? 

I haven’t even finished my first cup of coffee so this is a lot less articulate than I wanted to be, but– I feel you, that sort of shit drives me crazy. 
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morethanonepage: Also somewhat related thought: however

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morethanonepage:

Also somewhat related thought: however you feel about the “we are the spark, that will light the fire, that will burn the First Order down” line, I think the change it underwent from Holdo’s “we are the spark that will light the fire that will restore the Republic” is interesting – obvs I’m partial to Poe’s version because at the very least it makes sense as far as metaphors go (fire/sparks aren’t going to…..restore things? generally? unless I guess forest fires, over time? idk man). 

But the goal shift from “restoring the Republic” to “burning down the First Order” kind of seems counter to some of the film’s messaging about Poe’s character arc (think beyond blowing shit up! don’t just go for revenge, think of the future!) but on the other hand – I think it’s one of the most in character things Poe does, and is especially in line with Poe’s memory of Kes worrying that all he and Shara sacrificed would be for nothing. Because it all comes down to, the New Republic was formed without fully destroying all remnants of the Empire and was sometimes weak and ineffectual and unwilling to deal with problems like the rise of the First Order to begin with. Poe is in the Resistance because he recognized that threat from early on and couldn’t bear how little the Republic was doing about it. 

So its restoration isn’t enough – the First Order and what it stands for kind of does need to be destroyed before a more stable and good space government/galactic peace in general can be established. And that is in line with the broader new trilogy theme of moving past the OT – Han, Luke, and Leia, the Jedi, all those trappings – and on to a new kind of existence that builds on their courage/hard work but also fixes their mistakes. 

So, yeah, to me, it’s a good line and it works thematically and even the fact that it came from Holdo – who’s part of that old dying past, in this case literally – is solid. 
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morethanonepage: @meghanlightle replied to your

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morethanonepage:

@meghanlightle replied to your post “Honestly I think one of the biggest problems w/r/t Poe’s…”

I just wonder if his reaction would be the same with a male vice admiral. I hate the idea of Poe valuing a man over a woman and it didn’t seem *gendered* but I just can’t picture him talking to a dude boss the same way he talked to Holdo so idk. It bugged me a lot that he committed mutiny but taking in all the other factors I kind of get it? But I still don’t like it.

An interesting question! Before the Awakening provides something of an answer:

“It’s unfortunate,” Major Lonno Deso said. “It’s never easy to lose one of your squadron, Commander. But I’ve reviewed the flight data, I’ve reviewed the entire engagement up to and including the astromech telemetry, and there’s nothing you could have done. Lieutenant Muran’s death is tragic, but it’s my considered opinion it was unavoidable.” 

“I disagree,” said Poe. 

“You can’t blame yourself.” The sympathy in Deso’s voice and expression were unmistakable, so much so that Poe felt a sharp, almost hot spur of anger in his breast. He clenched his fists, unclenched them, then looked past Deso at the wall of the briefing room behind him. A display showed the galaxy, color overlays marking realms of political influence. Their position at the Republic base in Mirrin Prime was marked by a gently pulsing gold dot at sea in the royal blue that represented the New Republic’s sphere of influence. It stretched far and wide, from the Inner Core to great swaths of the Outer Rim. A gray band designated the neutral region of the Borderland, and beyond that was a pocket of crimson, First Order territory. For the first time, Poe saw the map and thought it was lying

“I don’t blame myself,” Poe said. He looked at Major Deso pointedly. “I’m blaming the First Order.” 

“Commander.” Deso sighed. “We are not having this discussion again.” [emphasis added]

“This isn’t another isolated incident, Lonno. I’m seeing the same intelligence reports that you are.” 

“The Senate Intelligence Committee has reviewed the reports and has found them inconclusive, at best grossly overstated, Poe. This is a non-issue. It’s a big galaxy. The First Order is a remnant born of a war thirty years gone. Yes, they persist, yes, they continue, but by all accounts they do so barely. They are, at best, an ill-organized, poorly equipped, and badly funded group of loyalists who use propaganda and fear to inflate their strength and their importance.” 

“They’re flying state-of-the-art TIEs, they’re using commando boarding parties and latest-generation attack shuttles in clear violation of the Galactic Concordance.” 

Poe leaned forward, pressing his index finger into the table. Deso raised an eyebrow, looking at the offending digit, then at Poe. Poe went on. “They’re training troops and pilots. We interrupted a military operation, Lonno, not some snatch and grab. They wanted the Yissira Zyde and they got it. They wanted it badly enough they paid for it with eight TIEs, those pilots, and however many people were aboard the shuttle that Muran and Iolo shot down. That’s not a poorly organized force. That’s not a poorly motivated force. That’s a real threat.” 

“An emerging threat, then, Commander Dameron.” 

Poe straightened, returning his hand to his side. “Give it to the Resistance.” 

Deso scowled, as if Poe had just offered him a particularly bitter piece of fruit. “Don’t be absurd. The Resistance is as overstated as the First Order.” 

“They’re at least doing something about them!”

“Rumored to be doing something about them,” Deso said. 

“We have to act.”

Major Deso cleared his throat. “I’ll pass along your concerns to Command.”

“That’s not enough. We need to know what the Yissira Zyde was hauling. We need to know why they took it and, more importantly, where. I’d like permission to take the Rapiers out, try to track the trajectory, see if we can’t find the freighter.” 

“Denied.” 

“There are questions—” 

“I said denied, Commander. Rapier is assigned Mirrin sector patrol, that’s all. Your orders are to continue as before. Nothing more, and nothing less.” Deso cocked his head as if trying to watch the words enter Poe’s ears. 

“Am I clear?”

Poe tried again. “It’s going to happen again, you realize that, don’t you?” 

“If it does, it’ll be dealt with then.” 

“So we do nothing? That’s the solution? An emerging threat, and we do nothing?” 

“That is correct.” 

“That is insane,” Poe said. Deso opened his mouth, then thought better of what he was about to say. He sighed and went around the table to stand by Poe’s side. When he spoke next, his tone was much more subdued. “I don’t like it, either, but this is the order from Republic Command, do you understand? We don’t engage the First Order, we don’t provoke the First Order. I don’t like it any more than you do, but those are orders, Commander. You break them, you’ll be up on charges. You’ll lose your commission.” 

“It’s going to happen again,” Poe repeated. 

“Then we’ll respond when the time comes.” 

Poe shook his head.

I would argue that Poe is even more strident with a male superior officer than he was with Holdo – there’s an implication that he’s brought this up repeatedly with Deso, to the point he’s tired of it and implying if Poe keeps at it w/ the ‘let’s go after the First Order’ thing he’s going to get demoted. 

And then Poe goes off and does something about it anyway, b/c y’know, that’s Poe, and when he comes back:

Bay twenty-two was empty when Poe brought the X-wing in to land, shutting down the repulsors as the fighter settled on its landing gear. He powered down the ship’s systems, considered letting the engines remain on low-power standby for a moment, and then decided there wasn’t any point. If he was about to be arrested, if he was looking at a court-martial, he wasn’t going to try to run. He’d face the consequences of his actions, and he’d defend them as the right ones.
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laughingacademy: bomberqueen17: life hack: when u accide

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laughingacademy:

bomberqueen17:

life hack:

when u accidentally order the Giant Bathtub O’ Horchata at the taqueria, and it’s too much to drink on top of the All The Tamales you also ordered because you have no self-discipline, put it into your coffee thermos and bring it home, and then after dinner you can add some coffee-flavored vodka to it and have uh well what would you call such a drink? it’s like a black russian except with horchata? i don’t know. but it was good.

Aw man, that sounds great.

Oh hey, there’s actual horchata-based booze! Behold, RumChata. AND THEY HAVE A COFFEE FLAVOR, FRAPPA CHATA, OH SHI—

Oh yes, I’ve had Rumchata before. It’s a huge hit in my family. It’s excellent in hot cocoa or on its own, just FYI, or for use in basically any cocktail where you’d use Bailey’s. It tastes of, well, horchata. I heartily recommend it. 

I just happen to have a huge bottle of DeathWish Coffee vodka to hand, and someone gave us a second one for Christmas, so. I’m workshopping ways to use coffee vodka. 
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WELP this negligee is NOT billed as one size fits all

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WELP this negligee is NOT billed as one size fits all and it turns out DOES fit me so ha 

(photo behind cut but it is not particularly revealing as it is very close-up) (still, old lady b**bs)

YUP THEM’S MA HOOTS

Sorry to be ridiculously flippant about this, I’m just very amused. 

Something about the fashion for strappy bralettes often meaning that there’s an X Marks The Spot over the cleavage really amuses me about current fashion and I wish I could wear them all the time. X MARKS THE SPOT. Please don’t ever go out of fashion, silly strappy bralettes, I love you so.

I am simultaneously sort of middle-aged and also A Literal Child, I can’t explain it.

(Garments illustrated are a Torrid babydoll and bralette, separate items.) This one and this one, as it happens. Size 2 for both!)
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