Sep. 18th, 2016

dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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19) Are the privileges of adulthood worth the responsibilities? 
20) Do you feel like an adult? 
21) Is youth wasted on the young?

I did 20 already, so I’ll kind of do all 3 at once here. 

I mean… adulthood is a ball of suck, but I can’t imagine having to answer to someone about the basic decisions of my life again. It really profoundly sucked to have someone with the kind of petty power over me that my parents wielded. They were pretty chill, all around– good parents, respectful, had my best interests in mind and the resources and capabilities to actually mostly take care of me well, had the ability along with the good intentions to actually make a real stab at raising me right and all. But even that sucked out loud. I mean. Someone’s whim determining how you should manage your time and when you slept and what you ate and how you dressed and how you wore your hair and whether you could travel even a trivial distance. I mean. As soon as you can take care of that kind of thing on your own, you really have to. It’s sometimes tempting to wish someone else would just decide everything, but it’s just. Childhood was idyllic but an adult brain is not really cut out for that kind of shit anymore. 

When I was a kid my dad used to rail against the mindless glorification of youth so popular in our culture. People would say “don’t you want to be young again” and he always maintained that youth had sucked, and knowing who he was and having his basic personality sorted out was worth dealing with creaky knees and whatever hassles age brings. 

I’m not quite as well-adjusted as him, maybe, but I still do see his point. Being young really sucked. My thirties have been a bit nicer because while I’ve had all kinds of brain chemistry bullshit, it turns out that I’m pretty sure I always had that, I just didn’t know myself well enough to realize it. I certainly had terrible depression problems all through my adolescence and early adulthood, and I just thought that was how people lived. 

Youth’s not really something to waste, though. I will say this, to any of you under thirty: enjoy your knees while they last, and enjoy your ability to process alcohol and function on sub-optimal sleep and compensate for various physical things like that, because those will go away. But, on the other hand, look forward to finally sorting out your personality quirks from your actual mental illnesses, and maybe starting to get a handle on where your actual boundaries are and some practice at enforcing them. Because those things get easier with practice, and the longer you live the more perspective you get on shit. 

I won’t say it gets easier, but you kind of have a better understanding of the wider point of view on things, I think. Or at least, you have the opportunity for such. Some people, that’s never their jam. 

But man. Some of the shit I used to have to worry about when I was young– God, that was so fucking tedious. You can’t not wonder about these things, but I’m just glad I’ve mostly worked them out in my head so I can just move the fuck on. 
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I’ve been sort of out of touch with it but I just found out that the NYS minimum wage has gone up a couple of times since I got the job I have. I started just above minimum, got a couple little raises here and there, and then nothing for a long time.

In the meantime the minimum wage has increased.

I’m making minimum wage at the job I’ve had since 2007.
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This wind is really something else huh?
I’m not gonna get any sleep tonight. :(
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bomberqueen17:

This wind is really something else huh?
I’m not gonna get any sleep tonight. :(

I think I would have gotten over the wind and gotten a reasonable amount of sleep if not for all the bugs that it shook down out of the rafters who then spent the rest of the night CRAWLING ON ME whyyyy :( :( :( 
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morethanonepage:

Like, completely unsurprisingly, Poe’s section starts off with a detailed description of his mother’s A-wing, which he learned to fly in: “It was a good, tight little fighter, much repaired and marked with scars from its years of service…It was more like an armed cockpit with engines stuck to its back than a more traditional fighter, hyperresponsive and overpowered and meant to be flown solo, without copilot or astromech support.”

Shara Bey got to keep it as part of her compensation when she mustered out of the Rebellion (6 months after the Battle of Endor, apparently); she kept flying it, for “civilian defense” purposes, and, probably, just for fun.

Also, she’d take Poe up there sometimes: “He would stare up through the canopy and lose track of the stars and feel the freedom and the potential, that he could go anywhere, that he could do anything. That was when he knew that whatever else he would be, he would be a pilot.”

Shara Bey didn’t like to talk about her service: “It was enough, she told Poe, that she had done her duty, that she had answered when called. That she had was more important, she said, than what she had done. “People were hurting,” his mother told him. “People were suffering. Your father and I couldn’t sit and do nothing.”’ [WEEPING. WEEPING.] 

Poe’s dad, Kes, talks more about his time in the war but mostly just about how amazing other people were (including how Han Solo “was the best shot he’d ever seen with a blaster”).

Kes in re: the Battle of Endor: “I thought we were done, I thought we had lost, and I mean everything. The war, everything. I looked up, past trees taller than these, into this perfect blue sky. You could just barely see the Death Star in the daytime. I knew what was happening up there, the battle they were fighting…And I thought that your mother was looking down on me, right then. In the middle of whatever she was doing, whatever fight she was fighting, it was like I could feel her eyes on me. I could feel how much she loved me, and how much she loved you.”

Shara Bey dies when Poe’s eight, and we don’t find out how, but it obviously hits him and his dad pretty hard: “They’d worked in silence, much as they had passed many of the days since Poe’s mother had died, united in their shared grief.” 

Poe asks his dad if he was ever scared, and his dad’s like no, sometimes I was worried, but really, I’m more scared now (“That it was all for nothing.”)

Poe joins up with the New Republic’s Navy & commands a squadron of T-85 Incom-FreiTek X-wings; mostly they seem to do patrols for the purpose of protecting trade ships from pirates. They end up answering a distress call and SHIT GOES DOWN (spoiler alert: it’s not pirates) and eventually Poe gets swept into the Resistance FOR REASONS (which I won’t spoil).

In re: being part of the Resistance: “It was, strangely, like coming home, as if this was the place Poe had been meant to be all along.“

There are at least two hints that Poe is a shitty liar: one is his squadron mates basically saying so, and the other is the fact that BB-8 is regularly totally unconvinced when Poe’s like “no buddy everything’s fine I promise”

Poe is literally ALWAYS thinking of his parents: what his mother would think of this, how his father was worried about that. How his mom taught him to fly and how his dad taught him to be thorough, like, his “if you’re going to do something DO IT RIGHT” work ethic is 100% down to his dad:

“He’d seen his mother doing the same thing, he remembered. Long after she’d given up the flight stick, her A-wing parked between the storage units on the ranch, she’d still walk around that fighter, occasionally touching the ship here or there, as if to reassure it, or to reassure herself. Remembering what she had done to stop the Empire, maybe. Remembering what she had been willing to sacrifice.”

“I remember how my parents spoke about life under the Empire, General. The fear, they said it was like a cloud everywhere you went, that it was so thick you could… you could breathe it. They used to say, until the Rebellion… they said you could see hopelessness in the eyes of everyone you met.”

Like in general, Poe seems VERY AWARE of stakes of the Resistance and how important it is to defeat the First Order, like, big picture stuff: “Poe wondered sometimes how many beings had chosen not to have children while Palpatine lived, how many had thought bringing a child into the Emperor’s galaxy would be not a blessing but a curse.”

Poe seriously is ready to throw down to protect his surrogate space mom: “That air of sadness had descended on her once more. His father had carried a similar melancholy after his mother had passed; Poe would see it descend on him like a shadow, settle over his shoulders like a blanket made of warmth and memory and longing and loss. Leia wore something made of the same material, and not for the first time Poe wondered how she had come by it and, perhaps more importantly, who had given it to her.”

Poe thinks in animal metaphors a lot: 

“It was a sound of shock, as if BB-8 had turned a corner expecting to find an empty room and had, instead, run into a rancor den.“

“Poe remembered watching flocks of whisper birds, the way they would bank and swoop in silent unison over the jungle on Yavin 4.”

“They’d been overzealous coming after him, smelling blood in the water, eager to feast on the lone X-wing.“

(Also, it’s not actually in Poe’s section but we do get a mention of the fact that X-wings come equipped with emergency shelters that can fit two people, though they do get pretty warm and “kinda cozy”. JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE.)

poeisaac:

Sep. 18th, 2016 09:33 pm
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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poeisaac:

(ノ^ヮ^)ノ*:・゚✧

more than “keep it, it suits you”, this fond-proud little “I saw it” is my ship manifesto.
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
via http://ift.tt/2cKXSXH:Spy in the House of Love - Poe/Finn - Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015) [Archive of Our Own]:

spaceoperafeerie:

spaceoperafeerie:

rating: fucking! | contains: one sex pollen/aphrodisiac scene but everyone’s into it & consenting
relationship: Poe Dameron/Finn
characters: Finn (Star Wars), Poe Dameron, Leia Organa, Rey (Star Wars), BB-8, Kes Dameron, Lando Calrissian

tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Prince Finn sort of, postwar identity crisis, Guerrilla Warfare, Pining, the id vortex, it’s real and it swallowed me, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Rimming, Orgy, dubious excuses for public sex, Sex Pollen, Genital Piercing, fancy dresses, sketchy agendas to make finn happy
Summary:

After the war, Finn’s family comes looking for him and takes him home.

Poe tags along, posing as Finn’s fiance. What, like he has anything better to do?

OH MY GOD I FINISHED IT. 20K words of self-indulgent otp ridiculousness.

evening reblog? evening reblog

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