Sep. 11th, 2016

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Live updates from the yurt, where today’s high was 90, tonight’s low is going to be in the mid-70s, and tomorrow night’s low will be FORTY-EIGHT WHAT THE FUCK. Hi, autumn! I think I should get a motor on that insulation project, what do you think?

* boring drive across the state as usual. listened to mariachi flor de toloache’s album again, and was thinking about why on earth I am so familiar with mariachi music in general, like where would I ever have been exposed to that in my life, and suddenly remembered and looked up linda rondstadt’s Canciones de mi Padre and put that on. Mom had a cassette tape of that. I knew every word of every song and had had no memory of such beforehand. But holy shit. I have no idea whether that album (and Mas Canciones, the followup, which I remember better and remembered the cover art of as well, weirdly) are critically or popularly acclaimed in any way, I just remembered every word of every song, which is just. Weird. Anyway, it passed the time. The style includes a lot of holding a note for improbable periods of time, and i remember doing that with my sisters as tests of endurance; again, though, I’d completely forgotten about it until just now. I nearly passed out doing it on the thruway so word to the wise, don’t while driving.

* I’d not tightened my gas cap properly after getting gas, so my check engine light came on. I know it was the gas cap, so, no worries, but it takes forever for the error to clear. UNFORTUNATELY, with new Subarus, when the check engine light is on, you cannot use cruise control! It turns out that while none of my previous cars had cruise control, I’ve gotten really used to it and it was really fuckin’ hard for me to keep consistent speed without it. (I did mostly fine, but there was at least one time when I slowed down and someone passed me and then I noticed and got back up to speed and had to sort of shamefacedly pass them again. I hate when people do that to me, but. I still, I must say, was better at maintaining a consistent speed than numerous individuals I had to interact with. I always wonder if they just don’t know how cruise control works, or what.)

* farmbaby is twice the size than she was two weeks ago, i swear, it’s terrifying. she made me play a bunch of games with her that i mostly didn’t quite understand. partly because her new imaginary friend has a name she can’t pronounce. Shellington, or something, and she kept saying Ssssssssoowingtong, and I got that it was something-ton, but I couldn’t figure out the sh sound. She can make a sh sound, I thought, but she couldn’t for this. She just kept drawing out the S longer and longer. I guess just not as an initial consonant. Her speech is really clear, for the most part, but she is still two. 

* MICE HAD POOPED IN MY BED AND CHEWED MY SHEETS. Not a lot of damage, but poop! Ugh. And they’d pooped in my sock drawer, but not chewed. They had chewed through one of my gauze window covers too. Fuckers! I am going to have to come up with something. Mice are incredibly, incredibly destructive. They’re not fond of peppermint, but they’ll deal, so it’s not going to work entirely. I don’t want to resort to chemicals, but. I don’t know how to keep them out for sure. So far they’ve spurned the canvas, but. They’ll eat anything, eventually. Or shred it to breed in, anyway. 

* Most of my spiders seem to have moved out. Probably because I had the windows and ceiling hole blocked off so there was no light in the yurt so no bugs, so nothing for spiders to eat. But I had such a lovely assortment of wolf spiders, and now they’re all gone! Hmph. I preferred them to the mice. 

* Something just crawled on me and I had to fling it off my face. I am confident it was not a wolf spider. Wolf spiders are homies, they won’t crawl on you without a compelling reason to do so. It’s not that it never happens, they just generally avoid it. Daddy longlegs don’t give a fuck, they’ll party on your face in your sleep, I hate them. I think this was an ant, which, what the fuck are you doing out here. At least it wasn’t a mouse. I’ll murder a mouse with my own hands if it touches me. No thanks buddy. Get off me you disease-carrying little saboteurs. You’re cute as hell but I won’t stand for it. 

* Supposed to be violent thunderstorms tonight, we’ll see how that goes. Yikes. 

* Uh it’s not even 8pm and it’s dark as fuck, I guess we’re wayyyy past midsummer.
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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i just looked up linda ronstadt and holy fuck i remember her being the arcangel miguel in la pastorela and mom made us watch it in like 1991 and my spanish wasn’t very good yet (my knowledge of the language peaked in like ‘96) and i was like why is any of this happening and i had completely blocked out this memory

thanks, linda ronstadt, for being an inexplicable fixture of my otherwise insanely whitebread childhood

(and like. not her pop stuff. the stuff everyone knows. i couldn’t pick that out of a lineup. we didn’t listen to like. radios or whatever. no. we were totally disconnected from popular culture. her mexican roots exploration is the closest thing to popular culture i interacted with in any meaningful way prior to about 1995 when I noticed that the alarm clock radio in my bedroom had dials I could move off of the local NPR affiliate station that my parents had set it on for me. I wasn’t quick on the uptake about this stuff okay.)
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ok fucking hell it’s 2 am and it’s still 77 degrees and it’s so windy i can’t keep any of my windows open or my door, and it’s intermittently rainy so i gotta have the roof hole closed, so it is just a sweatbox in here. thank heavens for this tiny USB-powered rechargeable fan, which is the best thing in the world but i also know only has a 6-hour battery life and it’s been running nearly that long. 

i am sort of desperate to fall asleep at this point. i knew it’d be rough with the wind and rain and all, but my goodness. i’ve gotten like half an hour. 

I cannot believe it is 77 degrees. The forecast has backed off a little and says it’ll be 50 tomorrow night, not 48. We shall see. 

also my imagination is really helpfully like ‘hey you’re in the middle of the woods alone, why don’t i start coming up with half-waking daydreams about unnatural horrors lurking in the woods with really unsettling vivid details’ and i’m like ‘no, no thanks, i don’t need any, i gave at the office, couldn’t we try to write a useful fic scene instead’ and my brain’s like ‘but have you considered unnatural long white fangs’ and i’m like ‘can we not’ and my brain’s like ‘mm… no, we must’ so that’s real real real helpful. 

i have zero tolerance for actual horror, i read a creepypasta thread LAST OCTOBER about horrors in the woods and i’m still not over it thanks. 

oh i forgot my favorite part, the roof tarp is square even tho the roof is round, so there’s four corners that hang over, and the one that hangs over the wall directly outside my bed has this way of getting caught by the wind eddying around the round shape of the ger, and it thwacks against the wall right next to my head in this uniquely unsettling way that sounds like something clawing clumsily at the canvas trying to get in. hard enough that it shakes the wall a little. YAH RESTFUL THANKS
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update: usb fan just died. :( :( time of death 2:02 am. i had JUST POSTED the previous entry.
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notbecauseofvictories

replied to your post

“ok fucking hell it’s 2 am and it’s still 77 degrees and it’s so windy…”

ooh was it the creepypasta about the staircases in the woods? I love that one, it’s so horrific

IT WAS and I KNEW as I was like halfway into it I was like no my brain isn’t going to let go of this, i have to, i really really have to, i have to stop reading oh that’s so fascinating no oh god stop, self, stop!!! and then there I am, I’ve just set up this yurt in the fucking woods and it’s dark at 5pm and I gotta go out there with my flashlight past the barn from fucking 1789 or whatever with the hulking shapes of dead tractors and whatnot and WHYYY

notbecauseofvictories replied to your post “ok fucking hell it’s 2 am and it’s still 77 degrees and it’s so windy…”

…………she said, realizing too late that she should have read the whole post (sorry!)

LOLOL no no, this made me laugh really hard. i really want to go back and reread the stories because they were goddamn deliciously horrifying and creepy and you know this farm has been under continuous cultivation since about 1774 and there’s probably some pretty sick shit that’s happened on the back forty and I’m probably sleeping on an ancient native grave site or something we just don’t know it’s right by the creek and running water has a kind of drawing affect on supernatural actiSTOP IT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME oh good, the wind picked up and the thing is trying to claw through next to my head again, thanks wind
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now it’s 3 am and I’m awake and the wind’s picked up because a thunderstorm is coming thru (radar on noaa.gov shows me a band of storms at about syracuse so great that’ll hit me at like 5am) and i dropped my phone on the floor and it’s mobile tethered so i gotta reach it to turn it back off eventually before the battery drains and also my entire data plan for the month gets used up, and i don’t know what’s down there in the dark and i can’t find any flashlights so my soul is leaving my body and it is still nearly 80 degrees 

what the fuck was that distant clanging noise in the opposite direction from the house or barn or anywhere there should be any noises at all what agh

WHAT THE FUCK there is a tiny frog in my bed what the fuck what the

AGH

HERE HAVE SOME SMUT

Kes/Shara explicit didn’t fit in any of the other stories so far, relationship negotiations, crygasm, idk what to tag this there is an amphibian in my bed judging me and i got no mental capacity left

Shara was strangely focused tonight, and it overwhelmed Kes; she pinned him down and rode him mercilessly, slow and implacable and she was working him so hard, wringing him out with her internal muscles, so tight and so slick it was taking every last fiber of his self-control to hold off. It was like she was trying to get him off, and not working at all on making herself come, and it was almost cruel.

A brief eternity of this and Kes was whimpering aloud, teeth gritted, fighting hard to stay in control; every nerve in his entire body was raw and sparking and he was pretty sure so much as a breath of air pressure change would make him come despite himself. And still she worked herself inexorably along his length, and he was going to have to beg.

“Shara,” he gasped.

“Come on,” she said, hoarse, “come on, Kes, it’s all right.”

“But,” he said, panting.

“I’ll take what I need, don’t worry about it, come on,” she said, and he shuddered, but he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t let go.

“Please,” he sobbed, his whole body going far away, “please, I c-c-can’t—“

“Come on, baby,” she said, shoving down, taking him deeper, “come on,” and he cried out, starting to lose his grip, breath coming deep and fast, every nerve lighting up.

It hit him hard, and he shook wildly. She rode it out and it was only as he came down that he realized she was coming too, silently, hanging onto his shoulders and shivering through it. It was intense, it was so intense he had to bury his face in her shoulder, sling his arm around the back of her neck and pull her down. She was still hitching, clenching down around him, and he shoved his face against her smooth skin and sobbed for breath, trying to get himself under control.

“I got you,” she said shakily, wrapping her arms around his head, and he held onto her, feeling weirdly gutted and vulnerable and shivery. “It’s okay, baby. I got you.”

“Shara,” he said, breath hitching. He wasn’t— was he crying? He was crying. It was too much. He didn’t know. It was too much.

“Shh,” she murmured, and rolled onto her side to pull him in tight to her. The change in position disconnected their bodies, and it was too much sensation; he shivered and made a desperate little noise.

“Shara,” he said again, trying to get ahold of himself.

She kissed the side of his head, soft and lingering. She had her leg wrapped over his hips, and her arms around him, and she held him gently but tightly, pressing her cheek against his temple when she pulled away from the kiss. “I’ve got you, baby,” she said, “it’s all right.”

“I love you,” he said, despite himself, clinging to her.

She kissed him again, and pressed her cheek back against his temple. “Oh, sweetheart,” she murmured. “I love you too.”

He hung on, letting himself breathe her scent, feeling her breath move warm against his skin, her fingers in his hair, her sweat cooling against his skin. She was everything he wanted, she was the only home he needed, and he hadn’t meant to tell her that quite so openly. But there wasn’t room for coyness in this relationship.

“You don’t have to,” he said finally, when it had built up in his mind too much for him to stay silent. “You don’t have to say it back just because I said it.” He was just all— raw emotion and no control and everything was too much. He needed her, he needed her, he would die if she pushed him away, but he had promised not to trap her, he’d given his word, he wasn’t allowed to need her like that.

“Kes,” she said, wrapping her fingers through his hair. She didn’t pull, but there was the little possibility of it, and it sent a little shiver through Kes’s center, and it should have been even more too much but instead it kind of quieted some of the rawness of his nerves. “You think I would?”

“I don’t know,” he said miserably. “I found out the hard way, sometimes you say it and people feel like they gotta say it back and then you get that thrown in your face later when you made the mistake of thinking they meant it.” He rubbed his face in her shoulder and tried to collect himself. He’d promised. He’d promised her, and more importantly he’d promised himself he wasn’t going to be like this.

“Well,” Shara said, “I got no manners, Kes, so I don’t ever feel like I gotta say anything I don’t want to.” She was petting his hair, and it shouldn’t have been as soothing as it was.

“That’s not true,” he pointed out.

“It’s true enough,” she said. “Shit, Kes, I wouldn’t lie to you. Hold on, baby, you’re okay.”

“Never mind,” he said, wanting to sink through the bed and disappear. “I wasn’t— I wasn’t trying to get you to— I wasn’t fishing, Shara.”

She kissed his head and wouldn’t let him go as he made a half-hearted attempt to pull away. “Shh, Kes, I know,” she said, and kissed his cheek, pulling a little with her fingers to make him turn his head until she could take his mouth. She kissed him slowly, languidly, and he wanted to just melt into it and not think anymore, wanted to just believe her.

“I just feel like I keep accidentally trapping you,” he said finally, when his brain just wouldn’t shut up and let him enjoy it.

She rested her forehead against his, her eyes closed but her mouth curved in a faint smile. “My sweet boy,” she said, carding her fingers through his hair. “If I didn’t want to be caught, I wouldn’t have let you.”
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
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i don’t know where that frog went

what do i even

he was like a half-inch long

tiny frog

*despair*
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It is 3am and I can’t sleep and I can’t find a flashlight so I lit a candle and looked over and why is this dude in my bed. Buddy you do not belong here this is not a frog-safe space. Don’t look at me like that. #yurtlife never a dull moment.
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via http://ift.tt/2cvahmi:albymangroves replied to your post “i don’t know where that frog went what do i even he was like a…”

he just wanted to snuggle ;)

SNUGGLING IS NOT SAFE FOR AMPHIBIANS they need to be moist in a way i am generally not MY LOVE CAN ONLY HURT YOU LITTLE FRIEND 

also hi LOL it’s like, normal daytime for you and I’m nightblogging over here. 
dragonlady7: self-portrait but it's mostly the DSLR in my hands in the mirror (Default)
via http://ift.tt/2cAQXlG:albymangroves replied to your post “albymangroves replied to your post “i don’t know where that frog went…”

lollll coming at ya from the future :D

TOMORROWLAND

Oh when I came inside to the farmhouse this morning and showed the picture of the frog around to everyone, my brother-in-law instantly put on a creaky voice and said “KISS ME” and I was like… how did I miss that? CLEARLY he was a fairy tale prince and I missed out because I was so worried about destroying him with my skin oils.
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Somehow I’ve made it all my life and never attended a UU service before. As with many things, the best part is the snacks and chatter afterward. (at First Unitarian Universalist Society of Albany)
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colinfirth:

government probably bred those things to kill black boys. first they sent in drugs, then they sent guns, and now they’re sending monsters in to kill us.

attack the block (2011) dir. joe cornish
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via http://ift.tt/2cnoEVS:dotsandfoxes replied to your post “i just looked up linda ronstadt and holy fuck i remember her being the…”

Oh hey NPR kid! I had the same kind of culturally out of touch (for values of suburban white America) childhood, all NPR, PBS, and some BBC imports, and I’m surprised I wasn’t *more* of a pariah in 9th grade. On the other hand, I’m pretty useful on trivia night…

I was raised in a pretty rural area. Some of my school friends were a little jealous because I didn’t need them; I had my sisters, and we lived out in the middle of nowhere, and I didn’t ever come around on school breaks or over the summer, because I was perfectly happy on my own and also it was too far to drive. So I grew up with a strict half-hour limit on television per day, unlimited access to library books, and we didn’t listen to the radio except school closings and sometimes various of the classical music programs, and we almost never went to restaurants or movies because there were four of us kids and the money added up fast. Mom had chosen to stay home with us and not work, so we were poor– but it was definitely, definitely the kind of poor where both your parents have Master’s degrees, and you buy everything in bulk and fix your own car and don’t wear shoes in the summer and Mom makes your clothes, but only because she likes to. It was a really privileged kind of poverty. And when as teenagers we all separately decided we wanted to learn about popular culture, we were allowed to do that.

My heart goes out to kids raised in cults and stuff; a lot of that is so superficially similar to how I grew up, only my upbringing was really the idyllic perfection that those things are usually lying about. I knew so much about the broader world; Mom made it her personal mission to bring us to as many free or low-cost activities she locally could find, and most of them were history-focused because that was her graduate degree (she was a museum curator). We had land, and most of our leisure time was spent playing on it, in all four seasons, with mostly our two feet but plenty of heavy machinery; I learned automobile maintenance and how to drive a stick shift as soon as I could reach the pedals. I even got a pony, when I was like twelve, my sister and I; it turns out that caring for a horse is a huge pain in the ass, but I learned it the hard way with all the character-building that entailed. 

I am a mixed bag on trivia night. I know random history stuff, but I’m so hopeless when it comes to anything from about 1950 onward. It’s a running joke at work; my coworker was a latchkey kid raised largely by the television, who went to his first rock n roll concert when he was 11. Our references are almost entirely mutually incomprehensible; we might as well be from different countries. 

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